General Question

skfinkel's avatar

At what point would a lady suggest to an internet suitor that they stop emailing and have at least one conversation on the phone?

Asked by skfinkel (13511points) February 9th, 2009

Or, should she wait to have him suggest talking….Perhaps this is a case of he’s just not that into you? This question is for a friend, of course.

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13 Answers

Zaku's avatar

As soon as that’s what she wants to do.

I don’t think there’s much value in waiting for him to suggest what she wants. Some people are happy to communicate in writing. Besides, via email, what he’s “into” or not is largely filled in from his imagination – which is ok but missing several channels from what’s actually so about her. Making how into her he is, somewhat silly to base a decision about withholding communication about moving communication from email to phone.

johnny0313x's avatar

Well my friend asked me to give a quick response here and he said that she should probably feel things out. If she has been talking for awhile and are getting good vibes then maybe she should say something like “I’d like to talk more tonight but can’t stay the computer any longer, maybe we can continue this conversation on the phone” or something like that…but thats just my friends idea…dont ask me.. :)

aprilsimnel's avatar

@johnny0313x – Your friend’s idea is very good! I was about to say something similar. After all, what’s the harm in asking?

GAMBIT's avatar

When she feels comfortable and is not afraid of rejection.

In order to do great things we must take chances but we should remember that when others are involved we may not recieve the outcome that we desire.

wundayatta's avatar

My friend told me that he tends to wait until the lady offers her number. This is usually after a long correspondence that gradually gets a little more personal.

My friend has all the luck!

nebule's avatar

a lonnnnnnnnng time….

marinelife's avatar

When she is at a point at which she thinks this might have potential as a real relationship rather than an Internet chat.

wundayatta's avatar

Umm, @Marina, what about friendship? Or were you including that in “real relationships?”

marinelife's avatar

@daloon Of course. I was using relationship in the broader sense.

While I love my Fluther friends, I just don’t believe an Internet friendship or other relationship is “real” in the sense that there is no body language, there are no shared activities, there is no physical contact (no smile, no hug), there is no context of life (family, work, etc.).

wundayatta's avatar

@Marina: I believe that, too. Still, I’d call people before I saw them, based on our emails to each other. If I felt they were being real, and not running some kind of game on me, I’d meet them. Of course, friendship is a different situation from a romantic interest. Still, I think the process is pretty much the same.

Zaku's avatar

@Marina & daloon – I think you’re slightly abusing the word “real” there. Eventually pop relationship psychology will no doubt provide us with a richer vocabulary for the connections between people whose communications have been limited to various channels, and have been missing others.

Darkstarplague's avatar

When you two start become good friends and she wants to make sure you are who you say you are.

wundayatta's avatar

@Zaku Fantasy plays a role in all our interactions with other people. We are constantly projecting what others might be thinking. I think fantasy plays a much greater role in internet relationships. Since the role of fantasy is so much greater, I think of internet people as less “real.” I have had many experiences on the internet where I thought a person was one thing, and was greatly mistaken. These mistakes are greatly compounded with both people have these fantasy perfect people in mind. While this has happened in real life, it has happened much less often.

One thing that contributes to it is the fantasy stories we might tell each other, when imagining what it would be like to be together. We can get very invested in these fantasies, and in believing that at some time in the future we will be able to act them out for real. Gradually, I think, it is terribly easy to lose touch with reality, and move completely into fantasy land.

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