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missb778's avatar

My parents are sabotaging my moving out plan!

Asked by missb778 (14points) February 10th, 2009

Need some help….I am 28 years old, just got out of school after many years. I had been living at home to save money because of the tuition but am now employed and ready to move out. However, this is creating a major rift with my divorced and dysnfunctional parents. My mom threw a fit and said it was selfish for me to move out when I could be paying her to live in her house. While my dad says he will no longer allow my dog to come over while I am working ( he is retired and often watches my dog during the day), assisted another person in buying a condo I was interested in, and has been creating trouble for me within the family in general. Not to mention he has been treating me like dirt. I feel I should be able to move out without feeling guilty. Any thoughts on this? Any suggestions for alleviating the tension in my family because of it? By the way, this is not a cultural issue, I am French Canadian.

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12 Answers

Dog's avatar

nobody can make you feel guilty unless you LET them.

Move out- they will get over it.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Thank your parents for the things they helped you with. After that, tell them how it is. This is your life, you’re an adult and you deserve to have a life of your own. Unfortunately, there are times in our lives when our parents act like children.

Don’t feel guilty and do what you want to do. They’ll get over it.

Dog's avatar

@Drasticdreamer- GA
My prior answer was too blunt. My apologies.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

They will get over it. They will probably not speak to you for several months, and try to guilt you. But, think of it this way: you’re old enough for your parents to treat you as they would any other 28 year old adult that crossed their paths. Make other arrangements for the dog, rent an apartment in another neighborhood. Do not ask your parents for favors; it gives them an opportunity to take control.

and I’m old enough to be your mother

Darwin's avatar

Actually I rather like a blunt answer. Sometimes too many details simply obscure the problem.

Tell them you are a grown up and that you are moving out. Say thanks for giving me life. Then move out and find a doggie daycare.

artificialard's avatar

I think it’s a transitioning step in your relationship with your parents too and it’s important to set a good precedent. Imagine if you give in now and they don’t agree with your next major decision (who you marry, if you marry, what kind of car you get, paper or plastic, etc.) you’ll be back at square one.

Many of my friends moved out without a sustainable means of supporting themselves and still had to depend on their parents to support them away from home. That you responsibly planned your departure gives you every right to pursue the lifestyle you want.

peedub's avatar

It sounds like you have a real situation on your hands. My advice is to move out.

Seriously, don’t mess around…

augustlan's avatar

You are all adults. As long as you’re not asking them to finance any part of your lifestyle, you are free to do whatever you wish. There may be no way to get them to agree with you, but you must still go. Tell them you love them and that you appreciate all they’ve done for you, but it’s time to live your own life now. Then go and do it well!

dynamicduo's avatar

Your parents are being ridiculous and their behavior is not logical or rational.

You do not need to be considerate towards these people when their actions have shown they are not being considerate to you. But because they are your parents, a bit of tact is a wise approach.

The only way to alleviate this tension is to make it crystal clear that you are an adult and expect to be treated like one. Make sure to express your appreciation of how they’ve helped you so far, but realize that you are not obliged to them in any way. I mean, does your mother never want you to start your own life? Because you can’t very well do that while living under your parents’ roof (romantic interests are often hindered significantly by the existence of the parental units – I know I wouldn’t be going home with a guy if he was 28 and still living at home).

Tell them you love them (if true), pack your bags and move out, and find someone on Craigslist to watch your dog for the day or start crate training. If your parents get angry, so be it, you can’t control their emotions.

Judi's avatar

How much do you love your job? My suggestion would be to find a job in another city. Myy family is so much easier to love from 800 miles away!

amanderveen's avatar

I would say thank you to your mom for the offer and that you understand where she’s coming from, but that you need to get out and spread your wings. She might not like it, but it is your life. At some point, you will have to live it without her right there. If the place is too big or too costly for her, maybe this is the perfect opportunity for her to downsize. Or she can get a renter. You aren’t the only option she has, but it does sound like she’s just afraid to let you go and is trying to guilt you into staying.

As for your dad, I have no idea what his motives are, but it’s fair enough for him to say he doesn’t want to puppy-sit anymore. You can find a doggy daycare, a pet sitter, or even just start getting him/her accustomed to spending some time at home by him/herself. If your dad is giving other people a leg up with real estate purchases, and doesn’t want to help you, that’s his prerogative. As for him creating trouble with the family, you can either confront him on the issue, clear the air with other family members, or choose to turn the other cheek.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Set a date certain and stick to it, otherwise there will always be some reason for you to stay.

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