General Question

punkrockworld's avatar

Is it my turn to ask him?

Asked by punkrockworld (960points) February 12th, 2009

Hey, my boyfriend and I broke up more than a week ago. Basically, I broke up with him because I felt like he didn’t make enough time for me. He didn’t want this to happen, he told me but that he’ll alwa4 be there for me. Now I feel like an idiot because I miss him. I texted him on sunday, asked him how he’s been and we both agreed to go for lunch this week. He told me to let him know because he’s down whenever. Now I don’t know what to do.. Should I ask him? How do I do it? I’m just shy and I feel stupid very easy. I really know me and jake are perfect for each other..

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11 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

@punkrockworld: you’re saying your perfect for each other because you’re not together. If you were together again, you’d probably change your mind, unless there was some radical change. People want what they can’t have, and then when they get it, they don’t want it any more. Human nature. Don’t sell yourself short.

cwilbur's avatar

If you are perfect for each other, do what it takes to get back together—don’t play silly games about whose turn it is to call.

If you had good reasons for breaking up with him, though, you’re not perfect for each other, and you should work on getting over him and moving on instead of continuing to date a guy you’re officially broken up with.

cyndyh's avatar

Call him and say, “Do you want to have lunch with me tomorrow at [x] around [y]?” where [x] is a place and [y] is a time. If he says yes then meet him there and then. If he offers a different place or time for some reason then see if you can do that instead or not. In other words, negotiate. If he says no then you’re done. Don’t call again.

Basically, if he’s said to let him know because he’s down whenever then he’s letting you know he’s leaving time and place up to you at your convenience. You probably want to call instead of texting so you’re sure he’s gotten the communication in time and it’s easier to negotiate if you need to do that.

Don’t think about it like “should I ask him?” since you already asked him and he said yes -to lunch that is. Think of it as confirming your lunch time and place. Then go to the lunch and see what happens.

Sakata's avatar

“Perfect for each other”
Doesn’t mean you are perfect together.
Doesn’t mean you don’t have to work at it.
Doesn’t mean playing games will solve any problems.
Doesn’t mean you aren’t going to feel stupid again in the future. (We all do occationally)

Also, don’t go into this thing with the “we’re getting back together” mindset. Maybe he’s just down for a lunch; you don’t really know. Play it by ear. If the 1st words out of his mouth are “I missed you so much” then you’re free to do whatever you want after that.

dynamicduo's avatar

Just go and do it. Life is too short to waste time wondering “what if” when you can simply go and find out yes or no, and move on with your life in whatever direction you take it.

elijah's avatar

How does going to lunch change the fact that he didn’t have enough time for you?

Sakata's avatar

And “whenever” isn’t what I would consider a strong response. Maybe something more like “sure… when?”

aprilsimnel's avatar

What are you missing so musch, if he didn’t have enough time for you? Is it worth more than his not spending enough time with you? If you go back with him, could you adjust your expectations accordingly? What do you want to result from this get-together?

I’d think about that stuff before I pressed one button on my phone.

Jack79's avatar

well if you agreed to meet this week, then the logical next step is for you to call him, as arranged. Don’t expect him to call, because that’s not what the plan was. That’s the practical side sorted. So yes, call him anyway.

The real issue of course is what will you do once you have that meeting. Do you want to get back together? Why exactly did you break up? Have these conditions really changed? If something bothered you about him, then there are only 2 ways you can be together again:
1) whatever it was doesn’t bother you anymore
2) he has changed (and I don’t mean “promised to change”).

From what you are saying it is apparent that neither of these conditions have been met, so yes, meet him, but explain that you’re not getting back to him unless things change.

Sakata's avatar

Changed? It’s only been a week.

btko's avatar

How much time is “not enough time” for you?

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