General Question

KrystaElyse's avatar

When you first start seeing someone, does a first kiss (good or bad) become the deciding factor in whether or not you pursue the relationship?

Asked by KrystaElyse (3598points) February 13th, 2009

I borrowed an interesting book on dating from a friend and in one of the chapters they stated:

“Fifty-nine percent of males said that they wouldn’t pursue a relationship with a woman if their first kiss left something to be desired.”

It doesn’t state whether or not they polled women on this topic, but i’m pretty sure we feel the same way about the first kiss! I think we’ve all dated some people who were really bad kissers or some who were good but you just didn’t feel that certain connection or spark, right?

So I want to ask the collective – Does a (good or bad) first kiss become a deciding factor in whether or not you pursue a relationship?

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35 Answers

TenaciousDenny's avatar

I don’t know, but I haven’t had the chutzpah to kiss the girl I’m dating (after two dates), but I better work up the nerve before I blow it and lose her.

KrystaElyse's avatar

@TenaciousDenny – You can dooo it! ;)

millastrellas's avatar

Yes, definitely. But I think that if I really like the person, I would totally give them a second kiss chance.
There has been a time when I kissed someone I was ‘talking to’ for the 1st time, and I really disliked the way they kissed, I couldn’t imagine myself kissing them again (hope that doesnt sound too horrible!), so I kinda stopped talking to them.. and they got the hint.

EmpressPixie's avatar

It certainly did in my current relationship. In previous relationships, it has not. But in this one, it definitely made me go, “hey! he likes me! also, I like him! we should date!”

It was a surprise kiss after he walked me to the bus stop and completely sweet.

KrystaElyse's avatar

@millastrellas – I totally feel ya – I couldn’t date someone who I really disliked the way they kissed either.

@EmpressPixie – That’s soooo adorable :o)

janbb's avatar

it’s been so long, I honestly don’t remember.

Judi's avatar

When I was in college I was in a play with a long kiss scene. We were kissing while comedy conversation was going on around us. I know that it probably ruined my reputation at school, but for his girlfriends sake I purposly did a hard lipped kiss to ensure he would be able to tell her that although I was running my fingers through his hair and everything looked quite passionate, the kiss itself was awful. No wonder I never had a boyfriend on college!

onesecondregrets's avatar

Influences whether I want to pursue it or not, but isn’t a deciding factor.

dlm812's avatar

No. And since my fiance isn’t a fluther member, I am going to be completely honest… he was not the best kisser when we first started dating. I loved everything else about him though and he wasn’t very experienced with dating, so I just made it a mission to (without him knowing) teach him how to kiss better. Now I can say that he is the best kisser I’v ever kissed. He’s come a long way :)

cwilbur's avatar

No – there are things a lot more important than a kiss.

wundayatta's avatar

Just out of curiousity, what does being a bad kisser say about a person? What does being a good kisser mean? I mean, besides that they are a good or bad kisser, whatever that is. Which leads to another question—what are your standards for kissing?

I suppose, if you are just dating for fun, then kissing is important. Specially if you’re just looking to hook up. However, if you’re looking for romance, or even a spouse, what the hell does kissing tell you about them?

KrystaElyse's avatar

@daloon – I guess you’re right, it depends on what you’re looking for. I guess we all have our own opinions on what constitutes a good or bad kiss.

I mean, am I the only one who has ever felt that way? I have to say that personally, being a bad kisser isn’t the worst thing or the most important thing either. It’s absolutely not the be all and end all. But I know we’ve all judged how a kiss made us feel at some point in our lives. I like how @dlm812 looked past that with her relationship. I’ve done the same in the past.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’ve not broken off a relationship with a man simply because he was a bad kisser. But when I broke up with the one who was awful, I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to go through having the lower half of my face devoured anymore. No amount of telling or showing him, “I don’t like this. Here, try this.” was helping.

wundayatta's avatar

See, I think that kissing gets at something deep in our animal nature. It can only be acted on in romantic societies where we select our own mates. It doesn’t matter in places where marriages are arranged. However, where we are selecting mates, we do want it to be someone who can pass on traits that give a survival advantage. I don’t know what kissing tells us, but I’ll bet it speaks to something deep inside us that we are not even conscious of.

I will go on about this a little more. When we kiss, we get close, and there are more pheromones up close, so to some degree we are checking to see if pheromones are compatible. That is certainly something that goes on beneath our conscious selves.

In addition, there is the physicality of it: do the lips feel good (whatever that is for each individual); does the person taste good; is the breath conducive to romance. Style of kissing can tell you a couple of things—first how experienced the person is (which can go either way, depending on what you’re looking for), but also how creative and sensual they are. I suspect that people who are the sensual are the ones for whom kissing matters the most. speaking of which, @KrystaElyse, kissing is very important to me, too, nudge nudge, wink wink

Like dancing, kissing is a physical aspect of the mating dance. Assuming my explanation is supported by the research, then, if physicality is more important to you, kissing will be an important point for assessment. Otherwise, not so much.

KrystaElyse's avatar

@daloon – You said it best. Lurve for you.

TenaciousDenny's avatar

There is an article on the science of kissing on msn right now.

I’d read it and summarize it for you, but it involves too much reading and it’s 4:15 on Friday afternoon.

KrystaElyse's avatar

Thanks Denny!

bodyhead's avatar

Yes, a dead fish kiss does not encourage me into a relationship.

seekingwolf's avatar

Yes, I think my first kiss with someone has convinced me to continue the relationship or end it, as well as whether to take it to the next level. This is particularly true for my current relationship.

My first kiss with my boyfriend was very…interesting. It was mutual and we BOTH leaned in slowly and it started out all mellow and then suddenly we were both like “NOM NOM NOM NOM” and I left shoe scuffs on the dashboard. :D

forestGeek's avatar

For me it doesn’t matter much, and It’s much more the feeling I get when I’m about to kiss that person for the first time, that is most important. Kissing technique will vary between people, and can be learned, but as long as that feeling is there it’s worth perusing. I’ve always assumed that the first kisses would be a little awkward and/or not perfect. But if in time it is still awkward or bad, I’d very likely reconsider.

Jayne's avatar

According to Youtube, if I can hold my breath while copying and pasting this message onto another video, then I am a good kisser. I can hold my breathe for several minutes, so y’all should be lining up at my doorstep!
kidding. Not that I’d mind :)

saranwrapper's avatar

I completely agree. If the first kiss is bad i’m not going anywhere near that again.

Allie's avatar

I don’t judge it by the first kiss. People get nervous, among other reasons, and that might make it bad. If every kiss or most of the kisses are like that, then there just might not be any chemistry there. Give it a chance though!

KrystaElyse's avatar

@Allie – Very, very true.

mrswho's avatar

I personally expect not to be judged by the first kiss. I also appreciate constructive criticism but never know how to ask without it being weird or sounding cold. I should get some of those comment cards like restaurants have.

Jack79's avatar

not the kiss itself, but the way she makes me feel, does.

mjchatter's avatar

Absolutely! My best reference – I met this guy online, we had tremendous chemistry chatting but when we met he was totally boring but I thought he might just be nervous – he walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye and… ICK… he had a bit of a saliva problem – it was a flood. I wasn’t going to meet him again but my daughter convinced me to give him another chance – again – no chemistry in Person and, again, he walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye… I felt like I needed a towel. The best part: I was honest and said that he was a good guy but there just wasn’t any chemistry… he totally blasted me and acted like a real ass. Proves instincts are right AND that first kiss tells me most Everything!

mcbealer's avatar

I don’t know about the first kiss being a deal breaker… although it can certainly fuel things along if it’s good ;)

I think realistically what one has to figure out is, how important is kissing to you in a relationship? If you feel passionately about it, then you would probably want to find someone who is equally inspired.

Thankfully this is one of those instances in life where trial and error is actually a bit fun.

veneziana's avatar

Absolutely run the other way if the kiss is bad.

mrswho's avatar

NOoooo. Some of us are bad kissers but quick learners! Give the bad kissers of the world a chance or you could miss out on some great folks. :)

casheroo's avatar

It’s been a while, but I don’t think I’d judge someone on their first kiss only. Maybe they were nervous, or drunk…I like to give the benefit of the doubt. But, if they continually suck at kissing..then I doubt I would continue the relationship. I would assume they were also bad in bed, and that’s an important aspect of a relationship.

Garebo's avatar

So, if you really enjoy the person, and he kisses you badly, its over? It seems shallow to me. Maybe, the poor chap had a sore tooth, canker sore, or just at that moment realized he forgot to call his wife. It’s just like when a women goes crazy and passionately bites into your lower lip, it doesn’t mean she is necessarily a bad kisser, or a bad person-maybe a hazardous one. All things can be improved.

EmpressPixie's avatar

If he just realized he forgot to call his wife, it’s probably a good thing it’s over…

funky_princess's avatar

Ok so i wouldnt just discard some-one if our first kiss wasnt good as they could be nervous etc. But if after a few more kisses they were still rubbish they im ashamed to say i would not pursue the relationship any further!
And yes i do agree with @mrswho they can be quick learners but to be honest i couldnt and woulndt want to teach some-one how to kiss!
I know this sounds shallow but im just being honest and it is only my point of view and others will have different views and i wouldnt for one moment even consider judging them
Each to their own!

plethora's avatar


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