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indian_guy's avatar

Love my friend but she says she loves somebody else?

Asked by indian_guy (7points) February 15th, 2009

I have been friends with a girl from the past 3 years. she has been my best friend. we have been very close friends actually very close. we have gone physical also some times. I love her a lot. But i never dared to tell her. Now she says that there is someone special friend in her life and I am just a normal friend. But even today for anythign she needs me. Dont know whether I need to continue or not? I love her a lot.

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23 Answers

steve6's avatar

Sounds grave

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

You sound smitten. It makes choices foggy. All you can do is tell her how you feel. Her reaction.. her words.. will tell you all you need to know.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

This is a question of, “Shall I hit my thumb with a hammer, or should I shut it in the car door?”

Choose your pain. Do you stay close to her and be there if she needs you, all the while she’s in love with someone else, or do you endure the pain of moving on?

Your life will not be your own as long as you give her permission to control it. Staying her friend will only prolong the pain. Moving on will leave a hole that may be a long time in the filling.

asmonet's avatar

Respect your friends wishes and desires or lose her.
She doesn’t love you back, harsh but true.

Jude's avatar

Moving on is the best bet in this situation. It’s going to hurt like a bitch now (to severe ties), but, believe me, if you keep going on like this, you’re only going to be torturing yourself. And, it’s going to be even more painful and in all likelihood, will end messy.

tb1570's avatar

Well, she obviously does not have the same feelings for you as you have for her, as painful as that may be to hear. As other members have already pointed out, regardless of what decision you make, it seems like you are in for a painful moment in your life. I’m sorry to hear that. Good luck.

Sellz's avatar

I think you should let her know how you feel. It is better ask and know than to not ask and wonder. The worst that could happen is her not feeling the same way (which is probably not the case since you two have gone physical before…. more than once). Just let her know how you truly feel. But dont just come out of nowhere with it. Maybe you should write it in a letter so she’ll have the time to completely analyze how she feels instead of just giving a response right off the back.


asmonet's avatar

I like how half the people who answered clearly didn’t read the question at all.
She already told him he doesn’t do it for her, he likes her, she doesn’t like him.

Sellz's avatar

My fault lol.

asmonet's avatar

At least you’re not alone. :)

Sellz's avatar

this is true wink

susanc's avatar

But why not tell her anyway? Be sweet. We all must learn to keep loving someone who’s loving someone else. (When you’re a parent, this will happen to you a lot.) You can’t stop loving the people you love. But you need to be loved too. Don’t block that off. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. Let it in.

this message sponsored by the 1960’s
with love

cak's avatar

Unfortunately, you will probably need to make a clean break from her. I say that because you still have feelings. Maybe things would be different had you opened up more and told her your true feelings; however, I have a feeling they wouldn’t be – she seems like she was far more casual about it, than you. It’s hard, this happens to people, all the time – it is a risk, you took it, but it didn’t work out. She is moving on and really, do you want to stand by and watch? Probably not.

Good luck to you, take your time and enjoy life. It will happen for you, just make sure both parties are on the same page.

dynamicduo's avatar

You should not continue. I would advise you to keep her as a friend (no sexual relations anymore) and to pursue love elsewhere. You’ve made it clear to her what you want (a romantic relationship) and she has made it clear to you that she is not interested, so if you want romance, you need to find another girl.

She knows you like her. She now has some power over you, if you let her do what she wants, because she knows you still like her. She may start to use you. But let it be clear: she does not like you romantically. So if she starts feeling “lonely” and wants to spend some time alone with you at night with a bottle of wine, you should tell her no, that is not appropriate for you two to engage in. Because if you give in, and have relations with her, you will only make the heartbreak worse when it happens.

mrswho's avatar

If it’s meant to be it will happen. I’ve been in a similar situation and I did not tell him and after around 3 years I got over it, but still love him dearly as a friend (we did go out briefly but it was weird). Now I would never dream of altering anything about us and I didn’t deprive him of happiness with anyone else. This situation sucks but I hope it works out well for you! You’ll find someone eventually, or she could discover you one day, but everything will work out in the end. If after a while it still hasn’t worked out then it obviously isn’t the end yet.

asmonet's avatar

@FBI: Sort of. Slightly different.

wundayatta's avatar

I think it is unfortunate that you never told her your true feelings. She may have been interested in you, but decided you only wanted a casual relationship with her, and thus when another opportunity came her way, she took it.

Other people have told you that she doesn’t like you. Based on what you wrote above, I don’t think that’s the case, but maybe they have access to private information. She’s got a boyfriend, so she can’t still hook up with you, I guess. Still, she wants to keep your friendship.

Others tell you to cut your losses and get the hell out of there. That’s certainly an option. However, if you love her strongly enough, you also have another option. You can try to get her away from the other guy. You show her how much you love her. You woo her persistently and respectfully and you keep on trying until she has said no three times. After that, you’re gone.

asmonet's avatar

@daloon: Look through his previous questions, he’s slept with her, she began acting like he annoyed her, she got a new man now he’s sad and lonely. And he said he told her?

He needs to cut and run.

If he sticks around and continues to bark up that tree, she’s gonna hate him. I would.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

I agree with asmonet. His only hope of salvaging himself, and possibly the relationship, is to walk away from it. Perhaps not having him accessible as a friend will cause the young woman in question to re-evaluate the relationship. But one message is certainly clear in all this—she is not interested in being a “friend with benefits” for indian_guy. The interjection of a boyfriend in the mix seems to have caused indian_guy to rethink the situation. Perhaps time without indian_guy in the picture as a friend will help the young lady think about his friendship in a different manner. Or it will make it easier for everyone to move on with their lives.

wundayatta's avatar

@asmonet: I see. I don’t know if I’ve been paying attention to his questions. Sometimes it’s hard for me to keep track of people. Sometimes? Most times.

Are you saying he needs to cut and run for his sake, or for her sake?

asmonet's avatar

For both, it’s not a healthy situation. I only noticed it was the same guy cause someone way up top mentioned it. :)

steve6's avatar

Go after her, ignore your disagreement, act as if nothing was ever wrong, treat her with love and respect. If she reciprocates, everything is glorious. If not, then leave, no hard feelings. At least you can say you tried.

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