Were all of your kids planned? Have you ever had an abortion?

Only one of our 4 was planned. We love them all but the (unplanned) twins are a handful.

Cannot imagine life without any of them though.

none of my kids were planned, except for the youngest – all except the youngest were conceived while using birth control

no abortions here, but I believe women should have the CHOICE to have an abortion in the first trimester – after that, the child should be carried to term

Never had an abortion. But then, I’m male.

none planned. none aborted. life without them? no thanks.

Mr M – just wanted to note that if your partner had an abortion, then so did you….;>

I have only been pregnant three times. The first two were not planned. The third was planned and took four years of trying before she came along. I couldn’t imagine a life without them.

I would not have an abortion, but I am pro-choice.

I had one planned pregnancy and bore twins. So I guess one child was planned for, but we were not planning on two at the same time.

None of mine were planned. We were excited for each new gift. Abortion never entered our minds.

This is one of those questions that’s probably due to become a crapstorm in short order. I think I’ll sit this one out, but they’re always interesting to watch.

@bristolbaby , I wish a colonoscopy would work the same way!!!

Ours were planned, and we had to jump through a lot of technological hoops to get them. Although, in a way, even though we worked hard to make them possible, they were a lucky accident. The chances were pretty low that we’d be successful.

Never been pregnant, but had a few scares, and I’m gonna lie, I would’ve aborted if, God forbid, I had been pregnant. I’m careful as can be so I don’t get myself into that situation, though. I consider myself a very responsible sexually active woman.

Laureth, I don’t get your answer, I’m still trying to learn good English… And TitsMcGhee, I’m glad to see that you’re careful and responsible, I am actually pro-choice, I think that people have different situations to think about the possibility of having an abortion, what I don’t support is some people saying “I’ll have sex today, and if I get pregnant there’s always the abortion choice” that’s not fair.. And if women will still do abortions to themselves, I’m in favor of being legal, they put themselves at risks that I feel fear just to think about it…

I’d guess that most women who have had abortions don’t say so unless there’s a good
medical reason to tell someone. It’s not a memory anyone wants to revisit.

However:

I had three. Then I found my husband, many years later, and as Fate would have it,
he came equipped with three boys. Maybe if you’re supposed to raise kids,
it’ll happen.

We never had a baby. My wife is not even remotely interested in getting pregnant.

We are, however, big proponents of adoption and adopted my daughter in 2003. This was obviously planned (no such thing as an accidental adoption).

If we accidently became pregnant, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t consider abortion. That being said, I’m looking to get snipped real soon. And we’d love to adopt another little girl.

One unplanned, none aborted, one miscarriage

@2late2be – Discussions about abortion tend to become arguments about abortion. And arguments about abortion, just like any argument where two very polarized sides are entrenched and singleminded, become very brutal very quickly.

Ours were definitely planned on our part, and paid for in advance: we adopted both of them. It would have been so much less paperwork if we could have done things the old fashioned way.

However, I know their birth parents were taken by surprise. And didn’t have abortions or miscarriages either.

@laureth it doesn’t seem to have turned into an argument as yet though… :-)

I have had one child who was unplanned. I have been a single mother since I found out. I did consider abortion but obviously chose not to. Its not all sweetness and roses but I certainly couldn’t live without him.

The question of pre-destiny comes into this for me; I feel he was meant to be…he is here of course, how can he not meant to be here. At conception i believe a life is born and it’s meant to exist. So in principle i disagree with abortion. I have known people that have had them (none of which regretted it..but probably because they didn’t know what they were missing) and i did think in my moments of my own previous scares that i would have had an abortion without a doubt evidently this was not the case in reality

now i struggle even with the idea of contraception in terms of preventing life from happening… but then when i haven’t taken the pill used condoms etc I have been fraught with worry because I don’t want any more kids right now. It would be a disaster.But then if it happened..It would be a blessing.

It’s very complicated, but life is so precious, I don’t think it should be denied but I’m still confused.

@Darwin: Oy vey to the paperwork. But yaay for adoption.

I’ve had two children, both planned. It took me a long time to get pregnant the first time; the second time, I had given myself plenty of time because I wanted a 3–4 year gap, but got pregnant right away. It’s worked out fine.

I can’t say whether I would or wouldn’t get an abortion because I never was faced with the situation, but I do believe in the right to choose. However, I also believe an abortion is not and should not be a substitution for access to and use of birth control; i.e., it should not be undertaken lightly.

I was on & off the pill, so both of our girls were planned. I got pregnant real easy both times. I’ve never had an abortion, & personally, I never would, but I, too, support the freedom of choice.

We tried for two years before we got pregnant. Once it finally happened for us, I figured we were blessed to have a child and had no expectations for more. Then less than 15 months later we had a second child, and the third came less than 17 months after that. The second two weren’t accidents, but they weren’t exactly planned either.

Only my second (of three) was planned. Personally, I could never get an abortion, but I have held the hand of friends who made that agonizing decision and although the thought of abortion rips my heart out, I have come to the conclusion that I can not make that personal excruciating decision for anyone else. It is very personal and a tragedy for all involved.

My son was planned. I have not had an abortion nor would I. To each his own though.

@2late2be I would do some research on getting your tubes tied. My mom had a hysterectomy a few years ago due to a serious case of fibroids on her uterus. I went with her to some check ups after the surgery and asked her doctor if they are hereditary and she told me that 100% of her patients who have had to have a hysterectomy due to fibroids had their tubes tied. I have also heard this information from others as well. I know getting your tubes tied is the quick and easy solution offered by most doctors, but I would seriously check into it first and consider asking your partner to get snipped or have one of those 5 year birth control implants.

I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 18. I made the agonizing choice to abort. I have always regretted it, and would never have done it again. I am still pro-choice, but wish more people chose to give up the babies for adoption.

I started having my planned children at 27 years of age, after 8 years of marriage. I have 3, all hoped and planned for.

@all: “agonizing” is correct, and you never “get over it”. I still believe it can be wise. I would have been a terrible parent, and I knew it.

I love reading this statement over and over again on this thread: “I can’t imagine life without my child/children.” That’s the way it should be. And I appreciate everyone’s
kindness toward people who have terminated pregnancies. It’s not a thing you do lightly.

My daughter is the result of the 4th pregnancy, following 2 abortions (I only agreed to one of them) and a miscarriage. She was very carefully planned, to the last detail.

@Jack79 Oh, that’s sad stuff there. I’m sorry. But you have your daughter now.

@essieness Many doctors won’t do a tubal on a woman under a certain age, childless or without an illness requiring it.

@dragonflyfaith Interesting. Any idea what the magical age is…..?

Yes. No.

@Snoopy It really depends on the doctor. From what I’ve read on various pregnancy communities, some doctors flat out refuse to do it on a woman under 30, some may be talked into it and others don’t care one way or another. I think many of them just worry that the woman might regret it and blame the doctor even though it was their choice. Young people are much more likely to change their mind as they age. A twenty-something might say “I don’t want to have kids, I just want to have fun and party.” Then ten or fifteen years later once they’ve grown up and met Mr. Right who wants kids, they change their mind.

Anyway, I tried to find an article about a magical age, but as I said it varies from one doctor to another. I did find that some abortion clinics offer the service and of course they won’t judge.

My daughter was unplanned, but very welcome. I had two miscarriages before her, she was a welcome, oops! We had some help with my son, it was have a child now, or lose the option, forever.

No, but I am very pro-choice.

I’ve yet to get pregnant, which I see as a good thing considering I don’t want any children in life right now. So, no children or abortions thusfar in life for me.

I don’t have children, but I did have an abortion a few years ago. I have always been and always will be pro-choice, but it was definitely harder on me than I ever thought it would be. Both physically and emotionally. I think it was the right thing to do because I was in an unstable relationship and I was far from being financially secure.

I wasn’t going to reply to this question at all, at first, but I’m not ashamed of the choices I make in this life, because they’re all extremely thought out. That said… If I were to ever get pregnant again, unintentionally, I do not think I could have an abortion again.

I was reading an old dream journal one day, after I’d had the abortion, when I came across these set of dreams that I started having when I was around 12-years-old, that I had completely forgotten about. The dreams all started off with a young boy who would just stare at me. Locations in the dreams would be different, but there he was, in the background in one dream, staring, or there he was in another one, standing a few feet away, just watching. In the last dream I had about him, he was sitting at a dining room table, in an old house of mine, staring at me. I was older in the dream (far from being a 12-year-old girl), and there were ocean waves crashing against the sun room windows. I walked up to him and asked, “Are you okay? Where are your parents?” He looked up at me, stared for about a minute and then he said, “You don’t remember me, do you?” When I said I didn’t and then asked if I should, and then asked who he was, he said… “You didn’t want to keep me. But I want you to know it’s okay, because I understand”. Then he smiled, got up and walked away.

There were numerous dreams, all of them like that, but that was the most powerful, by far. I’m not religious, I don’t believe in fate… But I know and will never believe otherwise… It was more than just a dream. It helped and hurt at the same time. There was guilt, shock… And a huge bundle of other emotions.

I also now know that I have endometriosis, so I wonder… If I want a family someday, what if I can’t get pregnant? Despite everything, I still know it was the right thing to do, but it’s definitely not easy…

@DrasticDreamer thank you for sharing your story – its so useful. Your dreams were amazing.. do you think they were premonitions in a kind of fashion… trying to tell you not to do it? I think you’re very brave and all the best for when you do decide to have children x

It was brave of you the share that, drastic dreamer. Thank you.

Those of us who have been able to have kids when we want to and have not had to face such decisions are very lucky.

I really don’t know what they were trying to tell me. All I know is that they were very real, and they helped me deal with the feelings I had afterward.

My oldest son came along as a natural consequence of not using birth control. We didn’t plan exactly, but just let it happen. My second son was the result of planning. I’m glad I never had to decide about abortion for myself.

I think I just had a miscarriage….. but it wasn’t planned and my fiance and I are too young…I’m 19 and he’s 20…. we cant give our child the best life right now… I want to be able to give it everthing… we never decided what to do if the pregnancy kept going.. but when we came to the conclusion I was pregnant…. we already fell in love with he/she and my fiance was over the moon…. I guess tonight isnt our night…

@shoebox Sorry to hear that. It must be hard to be going through.

@janbb thank you, things will be alright…. and in a couple of years my partner wants to have a baby, haha he said to me “okay, thats it… once we have our own place and stable jobs then LETS GO” It made me happy :)

@shoebox ah, sorry to hear of your loss, but it’s lovely that your fiancé is so enthusiastic and you have something to look forward to xx All the best xx

@lynneblundell thanks, yeah he’s helped and been looking after me… But at the moment we now have a future to build and focus on.

My first kid was planned, my second wasn’t and we’re planning our third now. I’ve had 2 miscarriages, no abortions.