General Question

jamzzy's avatar

How big of a ass does this make me?

Asked by jamzzy (885points) February 24th, 2009

On Sunday i was with this girl, who just recently went on a BREAK with her boyfriend. I only hung out with her once because i just moved to this place, so were not really that close. Shes kind of sad, so she thinks drinking will make it better. whatever. We start drinking and i don’t drink that much anymore so i take some sips from my Gatorade and a splash of vodka. Fast Forward…..she gets ”drunk” and we end up having sex without protection….pull out method. GREAT. The next day she flips out at me, after i try to calm her down about how shes probably not pregnant. Now i don’t want to be a complete teenager but, i have done the pull out method a couple of times and it has yet to fail me. I try to calm her down, but than she starts flipping out more because i “took advantage of her”. Notice how i put drunk in quotes earlier. I’ve been around drunk people, i know how most of them act, I’m 99% sure she was not drunk. Also she blames me for her “boyfriend” being sad and how they are falling apart. AKA she blames me for her shitty decision making….you know hanging out with another guy drinking on a sunday night while we have open conversations about how we both want to have sex (before the alcohol)

Let me get this straight, i try to focus more on how this girl is not pregnant and that even if she might be we need to do something about it, and she flips on me for TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER, and her DEPRESSED BOYFRIEND…..should i be less concerned about the fact that at 17 i might be a dad?

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33 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

Not your fault. If she feels guilty and her boyfriend is upset, that’s her deal. You are an ass, and not very smart for having unprotected sex.

tinyfaery's avatar

Morning after pill.

bigbanana's avatar

I think you might want to be thinking more about the std factor of unprotected sex….do you know where she has been? You have much more likely a chance of picking up something, than leaving her fertilized….just a thought.

jamzzy's avatar

@tinyfaery 10 steps ahead of you, she didn’t take me seriously.

shilolo's avatar

This is clearly a bit late (owing to the fact that said sex happened on Sunday and it is Wed.), but, you might still be able to prevent an unwanted pregnancy with the morning after pill up to 72 hours after the sex has happened. Try calling Planned Parenthood for information.

Edit: Right you are, it is Tuesday. I’m tired, sorry. Sleeping 4 hours a night will do that to you. Either way, it would work on Tues. or Wed.

girlofscience's avatar

@jamzzy: Buy Plan B, give it to her, and tell her to stop expecting your sympathy because of her decisions. She’s the one who decided to pretend to be drunk and choose to have sex so that she would be able to convince herself and her boyfriend she wasn’t responsible for her actions later.

aprilsimnel's avatar

You’re not responsible for the decision she made to sleep with you. You are, however, responsible for sleeping with her when all the bells and whistles said not to, right? You could’ve said no and avoided this drama. Take repsonsibility for your part in it (not hers) and know that when the little voice inside says “Don’t!” is when an adult will sacrifice immediate gratification. You now see where immediate gratification will get you. Lesson learned, I hope.

Now as for the pregnancy/STD scare, do the Plan B thing, get yourself checked out in few days, and for Bob’s sake, stay away from this girl. And if her BF gives you any crap in future, tell him that it took two to tango, and for what it was worth, she seemed to have her steps down pat as well as you. And wear a freakin’ jimmy hat next time!

adreamofautumn's avatar

You’re an ass only for having unprotected sex. She however, appears to be an ass for numerous other reasons.

jamzzy's avatar

@everyone who suggested Plan B. this is my parents computer, they dont check my fluther, but they will get pretty…well you know….if they see that ive been doing some pregnancy research

can anyone tell me the details of it.

Likeradar's avatar

You both acted very foolishly.

You’re 17 and have used the pull out method occasionally? Start using condoms (and your brain) before this bad decision comes back to bite you in the ass in the form of a pregnancy or a potentially life-changing STD.

Snoopy's avatar

@jamzzy Re-read Shilolo’s suggestion. Call Planned Parenthood.

You are playing Russian roulette w/ your sperm and your sexual health (STD’s). Use a condom for cripe’s sakes.

If you are man enough to have sex, do it responsibly.

bodyhead's avatar

I’m answering the original question. It makes you a huge ass because you slept with someone that you think is kind of sad and an alcoholic. You’re not a bad person because you disreguarded her boyfriends feelings. You’re a bad person becase of your actions and the situation that you’ve put yourself in.

autumn43's avatar

You’re too young to be drinking and making bad decisions which lead to sex, which you are obviously too young for because you think the pull out method will not get a girl pregnant, AND, you are more worried that this whole scenario makes you an ass instead of a father.

Likeradar's avatar

@autumn43 not just a father, but a father and young adult with a disease.

this makes me stabby at advocates of abstinence-only education

Likeradar's avatar

Ugh, just realized you don’t even know this girl well, at all.

Your actions were very ass-like, for many reasons.

edited to rant: I just went and read your profile and your questions… perhaps you should stop playing Russian Roulette with your life, health, and the life and health of girls and focus on getting your shit together. I’m sure you have some great qualities and could turn around and be a happy, healthy kid, but JEEZ! I’m not far from being a teenager (I’m in my late 20’s) but the kind of decisions you make make me INSANE.

adreamofautumn's avatar

@jamzzy the fact that you said you are on your parents computer and that they basically freak out if you’re doing pregnancy research actually makes you more of an ass than I had previously stated. If you’re old enough to be having sex and you’re old enough to realize that you have made a mistake, maybe you should be old enough and mature enough to explain to your parents the situation. They can probably help you more than a bunch of strangers on Fluther can.

dynamicduo's avatar

If you don’t want to be a dad, wrap that sausage up before using it next time. There’s no excuse for you not taking your fertility into your own hands.

Only you can prevent forest fires, er, babies.

If she’s not pregnant, count your blessings and learn from this situation… or else you will not be so lucky next time and you will be a dad before you’re 20. The “pull out” method does not work reliably, point blank. It is not a valid form of contraception. Your penis leaks pre-cum which contains small amounts of sperm which can get a girl pregnant. Plus you’ll end up diseased if you keep having unprotected sex. Wrap it up, bud.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Let’s not mince words. She’s saying you raped her. If she was actually inebriated, you did. Because you are saying you were still sober, but that she was actually drinking. She says she was drunk. This is important: if she wasn’t sober, she could not have legally given consent. You should have steered clear if there was even a chance.

Having said that, everyone else is right: wrap that sucker.
Get the morning after pill (Plan B). It’s basically the same thing as 3 doses of birth control (please note I said “basically”, do not substitute). It’s safe. You can get it over the counter. You may need ID depending on your state and possible a parent if you are under age. This only works up to 72 hours after the unprotected sex though.

chyna's avatar

How about another scenario here, just to flame the fire? Could she already be pregnant and just needs someone to blame? Just asking…

amanderveen's avatar

You are not responsible for what is going on between this girl and her boyfriend. That said, you are incredibly irresponsible for having unprotected sex, especially with someone you don’t know very well. The “pull out method” is far from foolproof, especially considering that pre-ejaculate is common, and it doesn’t protect you at all from STDs, either.

As for the issue of “taking advantage” of her, I’m not a huge proponent of using alcohol to excuse the way one behaves, however, it’s also very irresponsible to have sex with someone who has to be emotionally distraught or drunk in order to do so.

In other words, it isn’t exactly your fault that her relationship is on the rocks, but you were incredibly irresponsible (not to mention asinine) for having unprotected sex with her under the conditions you described.

By the way, if you’re using the “pull out method” as often as you allude to here – grab a brain and start packing condoms rather than letting yourself be caught without one. It’s not worth the risks to you or the girls you sleep with.

skfinkel's avatar

It seems to me that this girl was looking to you to be a friend, and she was perhaps in a more than usual vulnerable situation. This was not the time to have sex with her—regardless of her state of drunkenness. I am not even mentioning the stupidity of unprotected sex, which others on this question have chided you for, but it’s also so thoughtless of you—this girl is in no state to have sex with another or potentially get pregnant. Being a friend means being able to be there for another without taking anything from the situation. Most of all this strikes me as extremely immanture behavior—and quite honestly, at seventeen, you are old enough to think through consequences of all kinds.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

i think it sounds like she’s just trying to (no pun intended) cover her own ass with the ‘you took advantage of me!’ thing, however, dude, the pull out method? i just think it’s a lot smarter to just use a condom, whether it’s with an overreacting ‘drunk’ girl, or like, anyone else you don’t want to knock up ahha.
chicks can still get pregnant from pre-cum, the pull out method may have worked for you a few times, but i definitely don’t recommend taking your chances more than you have to…

EmpressPixie's avatar

You are saying she wasn’t really drunk based on how she acted even though you don’t really know her at all? But you decided to take the risk that you could be raping her because…..

But don’t worry. Most rapes don’t get reported. Of the ones that do, most don’t go to court. And of the ones that do, most don’t end in convictions. Rape is really hard to prove, and like the board here shows, most people are very doubtful of the woman in question. I mean, it took how many responses for someone to bring this issue up? So very rationally, I would worry about the pregnancy possibility more. Morally? I would worry about the fact that at 17 I’m being accused of rape.

ubersiren's avatar

Dumbass, but not an ass. Both of you were stupid. But it doesn’t seem like you intentionally “took advantage” of her.

bodyhead's avatar

Good point Empress. If she cries rape, she definitely has a winable court case and you’re on the sex offender registry for life… in addition to possibly having genital warts, herpes, aids, etc.

EmpressPixie's avatar

I hate the term “cries rape”. It diminishes the crime and false accusations are truly few and far between. Since rape is hugely under-reported, it drives me crazy. The process of actually trying to bring someone to court for it is dehumanizing to the victim. Completely. But I appreciate the support

Bri_L's avatar

If god had a big brother.

You would be his big brother’s DAD’s ass.

That’s how big.

When I look at my children and picture one of them being brought into the world by accident because of ignorance like yours and this girls it makes me sick. How hard is it to put a fucking condom on, or are you that fast.

You are talking about LIFE here. Not just yours or hers.

If god’s big brother’s Dad had a donkey you’d be it.

cak's avatar

Ack. Geez, first of all…the pull out method? Pluh-eez – do you know that opens you up to becoming a teen daddy, pretty easily? CONDOM – at the very least. How, at 17, do you still believe the the pull out method is ok? ALSO, you have slept with someone else, as you mentioned that you’ve done this before and so far, so good…that’s comforting. If you are going to think your are responsible enough to have sex, then be responsible. Buy condoms, I don’t get a flying rat’s rear if it takes away from the feeling of things. Oh well, it cuts down on your exposure to STDs and a crying baby.

Who are you to determine whether or not she was drunk or not? You are both underage, you are both drinking and acting so irresponsible that it’s scary reading it! NOW your concern is that you are on Mom and Dad’s computer and don’t want to search pregnancy – believe me, that should tell you that you are not responsible enough to be doing these things.

I may sound pissy about this and I am. I hate to see young adults make decisions that can potentially tank their future. Please, if you are going to continue this lifestyle, educate yourself, get protection and stay away from alcohol – that’s just going to land you in more of these situations. Drink when you can be responsible. The “I think she was just acting drunk” defense, will not hold up in court. You think she wasn’t consuming much? I’m 37, I can drink 1/2 a bottled beer and feel very, very buzzed. There would be no way I’d even think of driving. You cannot judge this for yourself – another thing that shows that you just don’t get it.

To answer your question – you are both being asses.

Please, respect yourself and others more than you are now, make smarter choices!

Jayne's avatar

Ya know…this kind of makes me proud of my virginity.

Likeradar's avatar

@jamzzy I’m wondering if you’re following this thread and have anything to add?

Cardinal's avatar

@jamzzy You are a pig on so many levels, I don’t know where to start!!

Also I might start worrying about a brother or a father hearing about this little indiscretion!

Jersey and NY wouldn’t be big enough to hide for long.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

If you had obeyed the drinking laws none of this would have happened. =D

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