General Question

nikipedia's avatar

Is sex special?

Asked by nikipedia (27454points) February 25th, 2009

Is sex more special than other sexual acts? Is there something significant or profound inherent to sex that’s different from other sexual acts? What defines sex for you? Are there other sexual acts that you consider more intimate? Do you feel like you necessarily form a bond with people you have sex with? What about other kinds of physical contact?

I think for a long time sex seemed—in theory, if not in practice—pretty mechanical and biological to me, and lately I’m thinking otherwise, but not entirely sure why. So give me your perspectives. (Persextives?)

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

32 Answers

essieness's avatar

Personally I find it to be a spiritually bonding experience. As a person who has trouble expressing my emotions with words (when talking face to face anyway), I find sex to be a great tool for that expression.

syz's avatar

It’s funny, I’ve always considered sex to include more than just penetration/intercourse. I am often puzzled by articles describing “today’s youth” as not considering mutual masturbation, oral sex, and other acts as “sex”. They are all so intimate and involve some degree of trust, so I consider them all as having a sexual relationship. But I guess that’s why I’m not a fan of casual sex.

tinyfaery's avatar

It depends. Damn, that is my answer to everything. When the wife and I have sex because we are feeling intimate, yes. If we have sex because we’re horny, no, not really.

Sex for me is anything that gives me an orgasm. My wife and I cuddle and fondle each other a lot, and I feel that these moments are usually more “special” than just sex; it’s more about intimacy then physical pleasure.

TenaciousDenny's avatar

Sex feels better than all the other stuff (not that I’d complain getting the other stuff. Beggars can’t be choosers), so it has that going for it. And I’m speaking from the male perspective here.

I don’t necessarily neeed a real strong bond (aka love) with the person I am performing the act with, but the stronger the bond, typically the better the sex is (assuming all other aspects of it are the same).

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Sex is seen as ‘more special’ than other sexual acts because of the perception of genitals as the last bodily frontier. One’s genitals are the most private part of them, so the union of two people’s genitals is given particular significance.

Sex to me does only mean intercourse; things like oral sex and mutual masturbation have another category. Regardless of the activity, however, I do feel there is some kind of bond between myself and my partner, though there are varying levels. That bond may not last, but at the time, there is some kind of connection there.

tinyfaery's avatar

So tits, lesbians don’t have sex? Hooray! I’m not going to hell, afterall.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@tinyfaery: Well, that’s all from my perspective, and I’m not a lesbian, so I’m not sure what my opinion would be if that were the case. Did not intend to offend, however.

nikipedia's avatar

@tinyfaery: I was thinking about this. I am really curious (if you’re willing to discuss)—have you had like, penis->vagina sex? What are your thoughts on the different kinds of sexes? I kind of agree with TitsMcGhee’s definition, but I don’t think that necessarily undermines the worth of like, alterna-sex, if you will. So I’m wondering, does alterna-sex (oral sex, manual sex, etc) have a different value/meaning/intimacy level when penis->vagina sex isn’t an option?

elijah's avatar

I agree with @syz. Any sexual act is sex. must you have a strong relationship with someone to have sex with them? No. That being said, I can only give my own personal belief- not many people in this world deserve to have sex with me. You have to work really hard to get my attention, I am quite a picky girl. I wont have sex with someone just because they are cute, or funny, or sexy, or hell even just because I really want to have sex! If im horny i know how to take carw of myself. Sorry if this sounds prudish, but my vagina is special. It’s not a ride at Disneyland.
Now I know this may sound contradictory, but once I deem someone worthy, we have wild freaky sex. I’ve tried just about everything (and liked 99% of it) so I don’t think I am sexually repressed in any way.

aprilsimnel's avatar

For me it is!

Mr_M's avatar

Only if I pay $50 more.

wundayatta's avatar

I dunno. Seems like the relationship is the key. All else is just an improvised expression of the relationship. Whatever you like, you can get satisfied with. And if the only thing that satisfies you is penetration or being penetrated, then that’s the way it is. Usually people start off thinking that way, but as you grow older, you start to learn that there are a lot of ways to play with your partner, and to express your love and intimate feelings without having intercourse.

Intercourse? Blow job? Hand job? All get me off. When my wife gives me a hand job, the very fact that it’s her and not me on my own, makes it very different, and much better. My wife might come on my leg, or under my tongue, or with me inside her, and sometimes she doesn’t care at all if she comes. She just wants to be close to me. As close as she can get.

People in a meaningful relationship who want to express it physically, don’t have to stop with ordinary varieties of sex. They might get into dominance games, or other role playing. They might get into S&M. As long as it’s the two of them, and they both consent to it and are happy with it, it seems to me that it’s an excellent way to express love.

However, when it goes to other things like swinging or sex parties or sex clubs or third partners, it seems to me that it stops being an expression of love, and moves into a kind of sex machine thing. Someone would have to work awfully hard to convince me that that’s how they want to express love. I don’t have a problem with sex-machine behavior (I think it’s worthwhile to experience it when you’re young), but I think it misses the point.

I think this is true for all types of partnerships. I would like to point out that if a lesbian woman needs to feel something inside her, there are lots of alternatives to accomplish that. If the penetration is performed by her partner, it seems to me that is one of the ways to express love. My point is that there are many ways to express your feelings in sexual play, and, as far as I’m concerned, they all count.

ubersiren's avatar

There’s probably some thing about actual intercourse being humans’ most intimate act because it means the two people involved have chosen each other to procreate with. But being so evolved now, before I was married, it was just another fun time to be had… and had again. Over and over. Shamelessly whoring it up. That was so fun. I always enjoyed the act of intercourse above all the other reindeer games.

Emdean1's avatar

Sex is special to those who love each other.
Now I have a friend that just walk right up to women (strangers) and say Hey you wanna F*&k! It works! Why does that work?
I would say sex in that mannor is not special its just to feel good!

augustlan's avatar

Like Daloon, I don’t think it’s really about the act itself but about the nature of the relationship, and the intent behind the act. Even within a loving marriage, intercourse is not always special… sometimes it’s just fun. What makes a sexual act of any kind special is a feeling that we are giving and/or receiving love.

Triiiple's avatar

Sex is sex. I think people put the attachment to the action, i dont see dogs calling back the bitch they just had sex with,

tinyfaery's avatar

I’ve been with a few men and I must say that sex with a woman is just more intimate for me. I am physically attracted to both sexes, but I have only experienced deep intimacy with women. I don’t understand why penis entering vagina is the only thing that is considered sex. If procreation isn’t involved, and for most sex this is the case, what does it matter if it’s a penis that is doing the penetrating? My wife’s tiny hand has done more for me than any penis ever has.

tinyfaery's avatar

Oops…is not the case.

Bri_L's avatar

does special mean rare?

Jack79's avatar

Sex, if done properly, can be the most wonderful experience in the world. And the worst nightmare if not.

It can potentially be the closest you can ever get with someone. Two bodies into one. And the epitomy of a loving relationship with another human being.

So yes, it can be really great.

Knotmyday's avatar


and it ain’t immoral, whether or not it’s only oral.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Sex is very special. Thinking otherwise has led to quite a few problems in our society imho.

onesecondregrets's avatar

It should be.
Yes, it is more special than other sexual acts.
Except I am extremely picky with who I give head to.
Like, I have had sex with people that mean and meant nothing to me but all the head-receivers have meant something to me or else I would refuse to do it.
Weird, I know.

What defines sex for me?
Insertion of penis into vagina, pretty much.
Nothing is more intimate than sex itself, maybe being eaten out- depending on how the guy goes about it.

I like to form or have bonds with people I have sex with but chances are if it’s not there before you have sex, it won’t be after or it will be a falsified bond, you know?

EmilieErratic's avatar

I totally agree with ‘onesecondregrets’.

Just_Justine's avatar

sex can be many things, titillating porn, erotic burlesque, naughty, frivolous to deep and connecting. It can be bought and sold. It can also be priceless. I don’t put too much unearned value on it. Being abused as a child has a funny way of putting sex in a different light. Oooh you’ve given me an idea about a question!


Extremely. For me, I can’t see living a life without sex. I think I can speak for most men when I say “we’re damn lucky to be born with p*nises”! And that’s not an understatement.

itsBarbie's avatar

It should be, but theres a lot of hoes out there…

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

It was at one time, it is not anymore; it is mostly a mere commodity in a relationship. Sex use to be so special you had to put in at least 6 months of dedicated dating to get to 2nd base and going all the way home was a Herculean accomplishment. Now it is like 3 dates and people are expecting to be boinkling and if it hasn’t happened by date 10–12 people consider it a bust and time to move on. There is even less love connected with boinking today than there was in the past. Back then only hoochies would be on their back less than 6 months, but times have changed…….

Response moderated (Spam)
Response moderated (Spam)
Response moderated (Spam)
Response moderated (Spam)

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther