Need Advice On Why Women Sabotage Relationships?

The fact I’m turning to the internet, and some strangers for help, should tell you just how desperate I am.

I’m in love with a wonderful woman and have been dating her for close to a year now. She’s got a few problems that require medication. The most troublesome is the fact she takes seroquel for mood swings and for sleeping. Obviously I knew this relationship would be a rollercoaster when I signed-up for the gig so I’m not thinking about bailing on her and walking away. One doesn’t choose to have a mental illness and cannot help it (unlike those who get an illness due to a lifetsyle choice)

In the past she has told me that I treat her better than anyone she’s ever been with. She’s told me that I’m her angel and came into her life for a reason. Here comes the BUT…. BUUUUUUT…. when things are going really well and we start to really get close there comes a time when inevitably she will do her best to sabotage the relationship and try to ruin it.

For instance she’s had a tough two weeks where she was unable to go to work or even leave the house. I was there every day making sure she ate and was ok. I’d sit with her and take care of her until 1am or so when she would finally go to bed. During those two weeks we got closer than ever. Once she got over that spell and got back to work she’s been distant with me and not very affectionate.

Other instances would be when I purchased her expensive appliances and items for her home. At the time she loved them and was so happy. Only to be followed a few days later by a text that would read, “please stop buying me these things because it makes me uncomfortable” or “let’s slow down and take a break” Prior to going to San Francisco for vacation she had cold feet and didn’t want to go. She told me to take someone else. She ended-up going and we had a great time!!! She even said it was the best vactation she’s ever had. A few days later she gets her walls back up and she pulls away and we grow apart.

I’m not her first victim. When we started dating she told me that she divorced a guy who was wonderful to her and she regretted it. He got married again a few months ago. But the fact she dumped a guy who treated her wonderfully should have sent-up red flags for me. She def seems to have a history of sabotaging relationships that are good for her.

One of her biggest issues is the fact she has racing thoughts throughout the day. She’s told me many times the more she thinks about things the worse she gets (anxiety-wise) and she has trouble reigning-in these thoughts. Inevitably when she has these racing thoughts all sorts of doubts and imagined problems come into play which I feel leads to many of our problems.

My question to you all is (men or women) have you had any experience with this (either by your own doing or someone else’s) and if so how did you handle it?? I apologize for this being a novel….but it felt good to vent. Thanks!