General Question

essieness's avatar

Do you REALLY love yourself?

Asked by essieness (7693points) March 3rd, 2009

Not in an egotistical sense, but just a true sense of contentment with who you are.

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35 Answers

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Of course. I’ve embraced myself, good and bad.

PupnTaco's avatar

Every chance I get.

mrswho's avatar

I love my self, though I don’t really love myself like PupnTaco does. I am the kind of person I wanted to be as a little kid. I don’t just love and value myself, but I like myself most of the time. Sure, we have our little tiffs, but I can’t stay mad at me.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I do love myself like @PupnTaco does, in addition to appreciating myself as a person. The combination of the two is the best.

cak's avatar

I do, now. I didn’t for a very long time, but I came to grips with the person that I am – good and bad and am okay with how I’m turning out.

MacBean's avatar

No. :( But I’m working on it.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I love myself to the point where I’m not quite a narcissist but if I was a stranger and I met myself, I would do me for sure.

I have a very healthy level of self-esteem and self-confidence and I’m quite pleased with all the positive aspects of life and my personality.

kevinhardy's avatar

I love improving myself, my own way. I am not vain, narcissitic or self obsessed.

kevinhardy's avatar

who doesnt have esteem issues these days

Sakata's avatar

I love being me.
I hate who I am.

Dr_C's avatar

i’ve gotten to a point in my life where every experience (good and bad) has shaped who i’ve become… so at this particular point in time i have absolutely NO regrets (although some past choices and actions do embarrass the hell ot of me)... and i’m happy with who i am… i truly LOVE my life.. hence i love the person i’ve become

augustlan's avatar

I don’t know if I truly love myself, but I am at peace with myself. I have accepted myself, the good, the bad and the ugly. : )

@macbean, loser and sakata: Keep working on it! Believe me when I say you can get there. Meantime, we lurve you anyway. {hugs}

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

It’s a love/hate relationship.

Milladyret's avatar

But I’m all I have, so I make do ;)

hearkat's avatar

It’s been a lifelong struggle to get to the point where I can say that I love myself. I was abused in childhood, which resulted in shame and self-loathing. I struggled with depression from at least the age of ten straight through to forty. I tried different self-help books, talk therapy, medications, and some alternative stuff, too.

I can’t point to one particular moment or event that clicked for me… there has been progressive improvement along the way. I guess it started when I realized that I had nothing to be ashamed of, because I was an innocent kid and some slimeball (I could use much stronger language) took advantage of my trust and treated me like trash. That allowed my to accept myself.

I learned to let go of the past and accept responsibility for the actions I’ve chosen as an adult—most of which were based on my old, distorted thought process. So now I have to right some wrongs I’ve done—mostly to myself, and that has been the toughest hurdle, because in the process of trying to lose 50+ lbs. or trying to dig out from under a decade’s worth of clutter, it’s too easy to get caught up in the old familiar cycle of beating myself up mentally for allowing it to get this way in the first place.

But what has proven to me that I actually do love myself has been my most recent relationship. It started in a whirwind, which actually helped me see myself as loveable for the first time. But as we encountered adversity, I didn’t get distraught or act desperate the way I had in previous relationships. I made mistakes along the way – many of which were the result if some deep-rooted insecurities that resurfaced based on things he said and did, but all-in-all, I came through it with a sense of dignity that I never had before. Sadly, it looks like the relationship is over; but it helped me learn some valuable lessons and truly tested my patience and my ability to love unconditionally.

About a year ago, I was on another social site, and someone made a post about loneliness. It was during a time when that most recent relationship was “off again”, and yet I realized that I didn’t feel lonely! That was a true revelation, because until a few months before, I ALWAYS felt a pit of loneliness… even when in the arms of someone I loved. And I hadn’t noticed until that moment that the pit is full… I am complete. I no longer feel a longing for something outside of myself to rescue me. I never could have imagined that I would feel this way, and it’s wonderful.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, but it took a lot of work to get there.

wundayatta's avatar

Honestly, I don’t know. I try not to think about it. I guess the answer to that question is not important. I don’t need to love myself in order to go on living. It’s really better if I don’t think about it, because when I do, I don’t like the answer. These kinds of questions usually make me feel worse, but I can’t stay away from them.

I think there are things about myself that I would like if I thought they were successful. I know that I can be lovable, but I don’t always know that. I know that I have some talents, but I don’t always believe that. Or, sometimes I believe it, but I think the talents aren’t worth much. I know I try to be good, and help the community, but I have no idea if I’ve actually made a contribution. Even if I have, I’ve never done enough.

I don’t know if anybody really likes me. I know they say they do, but sometimes I wonder whether they really mean it. No. Often I wonder. No. I always wonder.

So, with all this shit going on inside me, you can see why it’s best to ignore it. I just don’t think about these things, except when someone brings my attention to them. Of course, I get sad when I’m reminded of how little I esteem myself. Tears come to my eyes as I write this. What can I say? It’s just a thought. It’s not me. I just happen to be thinking these things. How interesting.

cookieman's avatar

I really disliked myself for a long time. Lately though, I’ve found I’m actually quite at peace with who I am. While there is always room for improvement, I think I turned out OK.

I credit my wife with waking me up to this and I really started to change my perspective after becoming a father.

marinelife's avatar

@daloon Have you tried the “other guy” test?

When you have a negative reaction to something you have done or not done, image how you would react if a friend did or did not do the same thing. If it would be no big deal if someone else did it, you know that you are being too hard on yourself.

Which from reading your post above, I know that you are.

I wish you growing peace within. You are worth liking, you know!

hearkat's avatar

@Marina: Lurve to you for saying what I wanted to say (which you do in many posts) to Daloon.

@Daloon: Why do you judge yourself so harshly? You’re only human, like the rest of us. And I like you. So there.
(P.S. When are we gonna have a Philly Fluther get-together?)

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I do now. I’ve been disappointed with myself plenty of times, because I did things that I thought were stupid, but I strive to be the best person that I can. At my core though, I think I’m a pretty damn good person.

wundayatta's avatar

Honest, I don’t want to fight anyone on this. It’s bad for me. It’s just that always seem to have some sneaking suspicion that there are things going on that I can’t see, and that when push comes to shove, people disappear. It’s really better if I don’t try to wrestle with these ideas. They’re there; I can’t fight them, and even if I could, it wouldn’t work.

@Marina: how can you apply the other guy test when you have different standards for yourself than you do for other people? Anyway, we’ve been over this in the past. Trust me, I’m working on it. I’m finding ways to cope. It’s just that questions like this always bring me back to the way I was.

hearkat's avatar

@daloon: That’s the whole point of the “other guy” test—to notice that you hold yourself to different standards, and to realize how that is unreasonable and unrealistic.

No one and nothing can ever be perfect. In fact, I believe that it is our human faults that create our own unique beauty—as it is with everything in nature. All we can hope for is to be good enough, and to try to learn and improve each day.

Try to apply the principles of patience, understanding, grace, forgiveness, and acceptance that you extend to others to yourself. You deserve it as much as anyone!

marinelife's avatar

Let me add compassion.

MacBean's avatar

We like you, @daloon. We really, really like you. You don’t have to believe us, but it’d be cool if one day you did. :)

cookieman's avatar

Gotta agree daloon. You’re a good egg.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Yes, daloon absolutely rocks.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I’m definitely a @daloon fan.

wundayatta's avatar

Sigh. Murdered by being liked.

So, I’m supposed to be a smart guy, right? I know I hold myself to a different standard than other folks. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. It’s not unreasonable in my mind. It is unrealistic. That’s where the problem lies.

Look, I know it’s crazy, and it’s a problem, and I’m working on it. All the logic in the world won’t make a difference. The answer has to come from somewhere else, and I think that is the place of notness. The things that bother me, only bother me when I pay attention to them. If I don’t focus on them, they can be there, and yet, not bother me. Not-ness.

tb1570's avatar

@daloon Daloon, my man, I totally get where you are coming from, and I often feel the exact same way. In fact, many of your posts recently have echoed my own sentiments so precisely that I’ve felt as if I could’ve written them! I also understand your feeling that when you’re having these kinds of feelings, other people’s words, well-intentioned and kind-hearted though they may be, can do almost nothing to assuage your feelings. Sometimes though, it’s somehow comforting to know other people have felt the same way and have similar thoughts & experiences. So, I just thought that I’d let you know, that half-way around the world, in a completely different country, another person feels a lot like you do.

Take care.

casheroo's avatar

I accept who I am, and like who I am. I don’t pretend to be anyone I’m not. So yes, I’m very content with who I am. I wouldn’t call that love though.

ratboy's avatar

Yes—I rock!

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