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Jude's avatar

After losing someone in your life (death), did you dream about them a lot after their passing? Were they sick/dying in your dream? Do you think that you're dreaming these things because you're trying to come to terms with their passing?

Asked by Jude (32131points) March 9th, 2009

It lost my Mom to cancer not longer ago. Myself and a few family member keep having similar dreams where my Mom is sick/dying and we are all aware of the fact that she is dying.

Just wondering why we keep having these dreams.

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17 Answers

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I know this isn’t quite relevant, but I have a lot of dreams where someone who is still living irl has died, and I wake up afraid that that person really did die.

My theory about your dreams is that thoughts of your mother are still very prevalent, so she appears in your dreams. Perhaps your feelings are unresolved, you haven’t reached some kind of closure.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I had terrible dreams about my grandma after she passed. I later figured out it had nothing to do with her, but how badly my grandfather was handling his own grief. He just wasn’t letting go!

essieness's avatar

I lost my dad to cancer in the summer of 2007. I have only dreamed about him once. The dream goes like this: I was bathing in a huge old claw foot bathtub in the middle of a meadow with a mosquito net type canopy over the tub for privacy. A van pulled up about 20 yards away and out steps my dad. I hurried to finish my bath and get out to dry off and dress, but before I could finish, people swarmed him to talk and then whisked him away, presumably to talk to him. I was left standing there alone crying for him to come back. I woke up crying and calling for him. I think that I just missed him so bad and couldn’t express that pain in words so it came up in a dream.

I would venture to say that you are having these dreams because the pain and loss is still fresh on your mind. You have recently seen your mom very ill, so that image is impressed upon your mind and difficult to let go right now. You might try praying before you fall asleep that God will allow you to dream pleasant dreams about your mom. Be specific; you want to see her in a healthy state, happy, vibrant. Try to envision her like that. It may sound strange, but it has worked for me.

Les's avatar

My grandmother just passed away a month ago, and I couldn’t make it home for the funeral. For about a week I kept having dreams about her, or where I was in her house. I think it is completely normal. You miss the person, and it is hard to stop thinking about him/her. Just like if you watch a scary movie before you got to bed, you may have nightmares, you are thinking a lot about your mom, so it isn’t strange that you carry that to sleep when you lie down.

Sorry for your loss.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I’ve lost both of my parents, but no, I’ve never dreamed about them.

Bagardbilla's avatar

so sorry for you loss.

jtvoar16's avatar

Dreams, are very strange, for they are the only thing on this planet that we all do, in the same exact way, but have very different results and for very different reasons.

There are many theories as to way we dream and how, and etc, etc… But the most popular theory is that your mind is always thinking, if it wasn’t, you would be dead. Most people think that, when you sleep you mind wonders and start to file and sort everything you have ever experienced, and the dreaming is what you see.
I am taking the liberty to assume you and your family are very close, which would mean, it would not be a far stretch to believe you are all having similar dreams, because you all experienced her passing, in the same fashion.
I know it doesn’t help to hear you are dreaming of her in that state because your mind is just sorting it all out, but, if it helps, write your dreams down, and forget them, then, before you sleep, write down, in detail, what you wish to dream about. I don’t know if it will help you, but it helps me.

marinelife's avatar

My sister died several years ago. I dreamt of her once shortly after. She was well and healthy and smiling. She told us she was all right. The dream gave me great comfort.

jtvoar16's avatar

That is a good point Marina:
It is a common thought that we deal with grief in our dreams, and we seek the comfort we can not find in reality, in our dreams. I know I have had this happen many times… and I am greatly thankful for it.

Dog's avatar

After my first spouse died I had several very vivid dreams where we were talking.

In the dreams we both knew he was dead. In one dream he asked me about a friend of his and if it was his birthday yet- and I replied that I had no idea, that he had been the one who kept track of birthdays and such. (I am terrible with dates) His response was that “Time is different here” and gave me a message to give his friend “Happy Birthday Back At Ya”.

The next day I called his friend and relayed the message.

There was dead silence on the other end of the phone for a minute.

Then the friend confessed that he and some of our other friends, all business professionals who normally are very conservative, were out a month prior and remembered it was my late spouses birthday. It was after dusk and the graveyard was closed. So they did what any good and somewhat drunk friends would do- they climbed the fence with a six-pack and had a party at his grave. They told nobody.

After his confession he added. “Today is my Birthday- Tell him Thanks”

marinelife's avatar

@Dog What an incredible experience. Goosebumbs.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

After my grandfather died I have several dreams about him, At my grandparents old house and such, Like normal old times, One dream that I will never forget because it was so realistic is me walking into my grandparents house and my grandpa opening the door like he always did (When we used to go visit my grandparents at their house) and he would always be the one to open the door and give me a hug, and say i love you, In this dream, When he hugged me it felt so real and he wouldn’t let go and it was very tight, I actually woke up screaming from the dream feeling like I was being squeezed and whatever was squeezing me would not let go I was sweating, It was crazy and scary how real it was.. I don’t know what it means but it was quite interesting.

essieness's avatar

@dog Wow. Just wow. What a great story.

marinelife's avatar

Edit: Goosebumps. <—-Lousy keyboarding skills. :(

galileogirl's avatar

I dream a lot about my father and brother who have passed but it is always having everyday discussions.

The strangest incident occurred in my early 50’s. I had a recurring dream about a guy who who I had known when I was 15 and he was 19. He kind of looked out for me like a big brother. Almost 40 years later I had a recurring dream over a 3 month period where he told me that I was the only person who ever really knew him and he wanted me to tell his family what I thought of him. I would always tell him I would try and after a while the dreams stopped. I tried to find relatives in the town where we had lived but no luck. Eventually I found that he had been killed by his father in a domestic violence incident several years before my dreams.

aviona's avatar

Yep and yep. I lost a cousin in a car accident over 2 years ago. My other cousins and I have dreams about him all the time. In the dreams it’s usually common knowledge that he is going to die.
He was a real jokester, so in some of the dreams he sort of pops up and is like “just kidding!”
But most of the time he’s sort of preparing for the crash, putting on football gear, etc. I asking him why he can’t just drive safer, and he responds that it’s just not an option.
My other cousins have said that he comes to say goodbye in their dreams. I have yet to have those sort of dreams about him.
In a lot of my dreams he and my boyfriend/exboyfriends/significant men in my life morph in and out of each other. That is very common theme in mine.

madsmom1030's avatar

My first husband was severally bipolar and committed suicide basically in front of me and died in my arms. In the time that followed it saddened me that his last words to me were- I am putting my clothes on and I can do that by myself. Mine to him were I love you, i forgive you and I will raise our daughter to be a beautiful and intelligent lady. In the next 2 weeks I had no appetite, lost almost 10lbs and couldn’t sleep because everytime I closed my eyes I was taken back to that scene. if i did fall asleep I had really bad nightmares. One night I finally had just run out of energy and fell into a deep sleep. my eyes popped open at about 3am and the room was completely dark. I thought I saw someone sitting on the corner of the dresser- I just felt something comforting and filled with love that seemed to want to convey that they were ok and loved me very much. I fell right back asleep and for the first time in weeks no nightmare and a restful deep sleep.

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