General Question

essieness's avatar

Do you want to have children?

Asked by essieness (7698points) March 11th, 2009

I used to be very sure that I wanted children, but the older I get, the more undecided I become.

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47 Answers

2late2be's avatar

I didn’t wanted a long time ago, I had a miscarriage and my sister were very sick with her 7 month old preemie, but my husband wanted to, and the only way was by being an accident, and it happened, now, I love him more than anything in this world, and our second is fully cooked! Just waiting for her to come home! Maybe in 1 week or less, this one was completely planned.. But it is our last one. So yes, I guess I wanted to have children..

SpatzieLover's avatar

<hands over rambunctous 3.5yr old boy>

Here, have mine!

asmonet's avatar

Not at the moment.

hearkat's avatar

When I was in Junior High School, I wanted a bunch of kids. When I was in High School my early 20s, I wanted NO kids. When I was in my first long-term relationship, I wanted kids if I could afford them.

When I had just started Grad. School, I found out I was pregnant (despite being on the pill I’m 0.01%) and had my son less than a week after Spring Finals (and shortly before I turned 25). We couldn’t afford him, but we made due with hand-me-downs and such.

Life’s trial and tribulations subsequent to that time have kept my son an only child. I would have liked to have had more; but being that I turned out to be a single mom, it was for the best.

Your opinions are likely to change as your circumstances do. It is good that you take time to think about it, rather than just doing it because of familial or societal expectations. Just keep in mind that your life will never be the same – for better or worse – once you do have one.

casheroo's avatar

I’ve always wanted children. I knew that I would have them. I dated a man that didn’t want them, and it put a strain on our relationship, the final straw was him getting a vasectomy behind my back. That’s when I realized he didn’t plan on spending the rest of his life with me.
My husband has always wanted children, he is very child-oriented. He asked me for another the day I gave birth! (yes, I wanted to kill him for asking)
I must admit, it confuses me when people change their mind on such a life altering decision. But, at the same time…it is a huge decision and it cannot be taken lightly.

Darwin's avatar

I have children, which at the moment is fine because they are both in school. However, when my son is home there are many times I don’t want children.

I actually never wanted children until I was in my 30’s. My husband had raised a step-son before we met but wanted to raise babies, so we did. We are almost finished with our daughter, who is a focused and talented young lady who knows where she is going in life, but we have many more years yet to spend in raising our son. Perhaps by the time he’s 35 he will be mature enough to cope on his own.

elijah's avatar

A always said I didn’t want kids after I turned 30. Now I’m going to be 32 in a couple weeks, and I’m not sure anymore. My daughter is almost 11. I don’t know if I want to start all over again, them having such a large difference in age, and being a full time mom until I’m 45 or 50. It makes me sad to think about it, I’m sad when I see babies, I’m sad thinking maybe I can’t have another even if I wanted to.
I just don’t know.

syz's avatar

I am 5 years older than my two sisters and was a built-in babysitter for my mom from age 5 until I left for college. I knew at 16 that I didn’t want to have kids. No one would believe me – you have no idea how many times I was told “You’ll feel different when you get older” or “It’s different when they’re yours”. My OB/GYN would not perform a tubal ligation for years because I was “too young”. Then at 28 I had an ectopic rupture and almost died. Shortly after that, I had my remaining fallopian tube tied. (BTW, did you know that surgical intervention has the same rate of failure as condoms? 99% effective.)

I love my nieces and nephews, but I look at my sisters and think “Thank God I stuck to my guns”.

adreamofautumn's avatar

I really really really thought I didn’t. Then I fell in love, and though we had a few years ahead of us of graduate school, etc. we still loved to discuss it. Over time I find myself wanting to have this dream family, home, etc. with this girl. We’ve broken up, she’s still the only person I can see myself having a family with. Now…i’m not so sure. I guess I would want them someday, but without the dreams I built up in that relationship, i’m not sure it’s going to be for a very long time.

aprilsimnel's avatar

No. I never wanted kids. Not in real life. Even now I find my patience level for children is relatively low, and I’m sure I’m not cut out for parenting. Aunt-ing I’m fine with, because after a few hours or days, they’re going home!

A few people have bugged me about it, basically telling me hold my nose, just marry some dude, already, and have kids like I’m supposed to (!), but at this point, I’m about too old to have any of my own, anyway, so the comments and questions have stopped. It’s strange to me how some people take a woman’s decision not to raise children so personally.

AstroChuck's avatar

Eh, perhaps not. Whoops! Too late.

ubersiren's avatar

I’ve always wanted kids. We have one and we’re working on another. If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never have them. I say go for it and you’ll be glad you did!

Jack79's avatar

I always wanted children. Then in 2005 I was blessed with the most amazing little girl in the world. Now I cannot imagine having other ones, I simply can’t see how I could love any child as much as I love her, so it wouldn’t be fair. But I’m sure that if one came, it would be the same all over again.

Ashpea9288's avatar

Definitely. I’d like to have one or two of my own and adopt one or two as well. It won’t be for a long time though, I’d like to put off motherhood till I’m in my 30s so I can fully enjoy my 20s, which gives me lots of time to find the right guy! Perfect plan :)

cak's avatar

I have two, at very different stages in life. One 5 and the other 15. I’ll let you borrow either of them, today. I’m grumpy and they have energy – not a great combination!

Truly though, I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

Probably so but not many if any, 2 at most, preferably 1 (:

rooeytoo's avatar

nope and at 64 don’t regret the decision at all!

PupnTaco's avatar

Mine are 14, 16, & 23 – is it too late to change my mind?

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Never want kids.

I always have these dreams where I am carrying my kid (infant aged) and leave it somewhere, then some time into the dream, I can’t figure out where I accidentally left it. Whoops. I think it’s a good illustration of why I should never be a mom, haha. I’m also entirely wigged out by pregnancy. Yick.

ninjacolin's avatar

I kind of want them now.. ever since i realized we can duplicate ourselves. It’s so cool. We start as two individuals and then we plop out a new individual who’s half like both me and half like her. AND we get to give them all kinds of stupid ideas and let them run around crashing into stuff. I think it’d be kinda great.

oh yeah.. and getting a plant recently has helped.


charliecompany34's avatar

three is enough. they suck all the life out of you and you rarely have time to yourself. soon as you have a free afternoon, the teenage son needs you to help him pick up his car and the other son needs help with a project with spent tissue rolls while the other is dealing with adolescent issues.

dynamicduo's avatar

I do not want children, hands down.

Part of it was based on working at McDonald’s and seeing some of the most spoiled brats in the world. I had to do some of the birthday parties (hint, don’t go to McD for a birthday party, it’s really crappy and a waste of money) and I got to observe the mothers and I decided I didn’t really want to be like any of them.

Part of it has come with me finding out where my place in the world is. I think it’s too easy to become a parent and it’s an easy yet committing and expensive way to add purpose to one’s life. I simply do not desire that much commitment. As well, I am still a child myself, even though I’m an adult – my life up to this point has been pretty much school and working, why would I want to enslave myself right back into something else for 20+ years!

Plus there are way too many babies out there anyway for me to responsibly make more. I am very open to adoption, that way I can avoid the newbie phase (good for bonding but bad for living). Regardless, it’s not anything I’m seriously considering at all at this point in my life. Right now, my goals are to find my passions in life and to amass money so that I may pursue my goals facilitated, and a baby does not play well into my goals at all.

With all this said, it’s worthwhile to note that my body and subconscious mind don’t think the same way as my logical mind does. I have dreams sometimes with powerful imagery of my non-existent children, I coo around babies, it’s very clear that my body sure wants to have babies. But I gain power in knowing that I am conquering one of the biggest purposes my body has, to procreate.

casheroo's avatar

@dynamicduo I’m curious, but what are mother’s like? was it just those specific mothers, or do you have a generalized view of them? also, i have to question how spoiled those children were, that got to have their birthday parties at mcdonalds. sounds more like it’s all they could afford, because mcdonald’s would never be my first choice, but maybe it was their only affordable choice. as a parent, it’s easier to recognize spoiled children rather than a child acting out or throwing a tantrum. tantrums happen, it’s part of growing up…you have to teach your child to not have those tantrums.

dynamicduo's avatar

No, I don’t have a generalized view of all mothers. I have seen the spectrum of great mothers and awful mothers, both inside and outside of the many places I have worked and elsewhere in my life. In fact, one reason I hesitate to have children is I know I could likely not do it as well as my mother and father raised me! Then again, the temptation to raise a better child is strong, just like the temptation to open a fast food restaurant so that I can manage it right is also strong. But both are situations where further thought leads me to reconsider and choose to forgo these activities.

Blondesjon's avatar

I have three children. They are 16, 14, and 5 respectively. I would not trade them for anything in the world. I also want NO MORE CHILDREN.

of course i said that after the first one…

tinyfaery's avatar

No way. The day I could not think of one non-selfish reason for bearing children I decided having children was in no one’s best interest. I love my furry children. Plus, my niece and nephew always seem to need or want something.

wundayatta's avatar

I never wanted to be married, but I did want to be a father. When I met my wife, my mind changed about the first. We had to fight damn hard for the second, but now we have two.

I wanted to be a father because I felt that most people did terrible things to their kids, and I wanted to try my ideas about parenting. I hoped to have three or four kids, but two is all we’re going to get.

I think being a parent is the coolest thing! I love watching them grow and change, and I love seeing them change me. Each battle is an opportunity to see how creative we can be. I think my kids are incredible. They are talented and curious, and deep thinkers.

My daughter is quite beautiful, and that makes it hard to believe she’s mine, but since she has the same genetic abnormality as I do, there’s little doubt. She must have gotten it from my wife whom I think is beautiful, but not in the same way my daughter is.

I think if I didn’t have kids, I’d be bored, lonely, and possibly dead. That’s just me, of course.

casheroo's avatar

@daloon I feel you on that last sentence.

MacBean's avatar

I love kids, but I don’t want my own. I can’t even take care of myself, let alone somebody else. And I don’t foresee my mind ever changing on that, but if it does, I’d adopt.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I decided a long time ago to never have kids. So far so good. I do love the practice, though. Just remember, If your parents don’t have children, then you won’t have any either.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

My kids are the third greatest thing to have ever happened to me. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater: What are the first two, then?

Bluefreedom's avatar

When I first looked over this question, I saw a lot of parents chiming in and I was a little worried about my view of not wanting to have children. I’ve now seen several answers about those who feel the same as I so I’m not so hesitant. For some reason, I thought there might be a stigma of some sort attached to someone who didn’t want to have kids. I know that might sound silly but that’s the way I felt. Almost everyone I know has children except me, it seems.

I think with me, it is probably issues of not being ready to make that large and important of a committment along with possibly not having the patience required to be the best parent I could be. Both of my brothers have children and I have a great time being their uncle and we do all kinds of fun stuff together and that works well for me. This is also true of several of my cousins who have kids and I can have the greatest time doing fun things will all my nieces and nephews.

Another issue that weighs on my mind is being a military member and being deployed to the Middle East and South East Asia and being in harms way. That doesn’t automatically mean that I will get killed or anything but I’m also uncomfortable with thoughts of being away while my child grew up or being injured or killed away from my family and these were my secondary concerns about not having children.

kevinhardy's avatar

I cant handle kids, I dont want them or to to have any regardless of my age, I wont change my mind or snap out of anything

MacBean's avatar

“Both of my brothers have children and I have a great time being their uncle and we do all kinds of fun stuff together and that works well for me.”

That’s another thing that makes me not want to have my own kids. I completely adore my nieces and nephews. They’re pretty much my favorite people in the universe and just thinking about them makes me want to explode with love. Sometimes when I get to spend time with them, it feels like I’m going to short circuit or something. I figure if I had my own kids, I would either not love them as much as that, which would really suck, or I would and I’d end up seriously damaging my poor emotionally moronic brain.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater I finally found someone that thinks like me ;)

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@kevinhardy I’m going to assume that you are a younger person, and I agree with you. People always told me that I would snap out of it and wnat kids someday when I was younger. I guess the thought of someone NOT wanting kids struck them as unnatural or something. I simply don’t have the patience it takes to raise kids up right.

There are worse things than NOT bringing kids into the world, and one of those things is having kids that you don’t want or love. Unfortuantely, there is already far too much of that in this society.

augustlan's avatar

I always wanted kids… loads of them. My ex and I thought we’d have at least six, up to as many as we could afford. I had 3 children in 4 years (on purpose!) and was well on my way. However, I also have kidney disease. Each pregnancy took a huge toll on my body, making me sicker and sicker each time, and each labor was induced early due to that. During the third pregnancy I also developed Gestational Diabetes, and it was pretty rough there for a while. My docs strongly advised me not to have any more children, telling me it could very well kill me. They got it through my thick head that the children I already had needed a mother more than I wanted another baby. With hindsight, it’s a damn good thing I didn’t have any more than three, as I can barely handle that!

rooeytoo's avatar

@kevinhardy – That is such a good answer, I agree completely.

ninjacolin's avatar

@kevinhardy, you fear becoming a slave to other beings.. hmm.. but i think that’s a misconception.

evidently, you don’t have to do sh*t once you have kids. many parents abandon their children. many parents put more focus on frivolous things than they do on giving their kids a quality upbringing. having kids doesn’t force you to have to take care of them at all.

having kids just gives you an opportunity to help them and do good things for them and raise them to be amazing.. it doesn’t require you to.

so.. you need a new reason now. :)

kevinhardy's avatar

id rather not, i do have a chioce in the matter

ninjacolin's avatar

sort of, yeah.

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