General Question

Jude's avatar

After breaking up with someone, moving on (emotionally speaking) and now you're in another relationship (which is great - both having feelings for each other); why would it be difficult to hear about your ex and their new partner?

Asked by Jude (32112points) March 12th, 2009

I don’t get it. If you have obviously moved on emotionally, why would you care?

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16 Answers

adreamofautumn's avatar

It’s difficult. Even if you’ve moved on those feelings never really go away. I’m in this exact situation, it is difficult every day even though I wish It wasn’t.

cak's avatar

Because that person was part of your life. Just because you’ve moved on, doesn’t erase the memories or all of the feelings attached to those memories. Are you sure you gave yourself enough time?

srmorgan's avatar

because sexual jealousy is one of the strongest emotions hu\mans possess.

sometimes you can handle knowing that your ex is getting laid and sometimes you just can’t/

depends on the person and the relationship/

for me, I never wanted to hear about who my ex was involved with until i was in my late 20’s.

SRM

Jude's avatar

@cak, I’m the ex in this situation. It’s my ex partner who is having a hard time with the fact that I am dating.

cak's avatar

@jmah – ah…well, the same applies to your ex. There are still feelings attached. Especially if it didn’t end mutually. If one party wanted the break-up more than the other – it may be a bit harder for that person to accept the reality of the situation.

sjmc1989's avatar

I think its just a territorial thing. The fact is someone is messing with something thats yours it makes everyone angry. I would feel the same way but thankfully I dont have any contact or have friends that have contact with any of my exs so it makes it a lot easier.

delirium's avatar

If you had your heart broken, the scars will always be there. It’s your responsibility to not pick at her scars. You have no power over her anymore, and have no right to exert any kind of influence. If she doesn’t want to hear it, don’t say it.

End of story.

Jude's avatar

@delirium it was said awhile ago and was a one time thing. When she was talking about her and her new girlfriend, I brought up the fact that I was dating, as well. She seemed okay at the time, and had just recently told me that that discussion had bothered her. I don’t talk about it with her anymore.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Perhaps she wants you pining for her…

kheredia's avatar

I just think that when a relationship was meaningful to you, it will always be a little hard to hear that your ex is with someone else. I dated a guy for three years on and off, and we’ve been broken up for more than 4 years now. I’ve been dating my current bf for over 2 years but that still doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bother me if I hear that my ex is with someone else. That doesn’t mean I want to go back with him. I’m really happy with my current relationship. I guess it just bothers me to think of him with someone else even though in reality I just want him to be happy. It’s not jealousy, its another kind of weird feeling.

marinelife's avatar

There may still be some unresolved issues or pain. It does not mean you are still in love with the ex.

casheroo's avatar

Not everyone wants to hear about their exes conquests. I don’t want to hear about the sex my ex is having. We’re friends, but we have boundries. He tells me some things, but I usually have to tell him that he’s crossing a boundry. It’s not that I’m jealous, I just don’t want to know, to be honest. I also think that if you’re the ex in the situation, why would you be talking to your ex about your new partner? I know it comes up in conversation, but details of a relationship don’t need to be shared. That can just cause hurt for people, and that is extremely unnecessary.

Jude's avatar

@casheroo She talked about plans that her and her new g/f had and I added that I was going to see a concert with the girl that I was seeing. We then went onto talk about other things and everything seemed cool. That was it. No juicy details. Just the fact that I was going out on a ‘date’ with someone I found out later, bothered her.

wundayatta's avatar

When a relationship breaks up, there’s generally a lot of pain, usually on both sides, no matter who is the initiator of the break-up. You go off and lick your wounds, but often you are pretty angry with your former partner. Now, they go off and find someone new? That is totally unfair! You should find a new lover, first! It’s like there’s a competition between you and your old lover, and you want to get one up on them, by showing how you’ve moved on faster. Of course, the other person knows this, and is further hurt by it. Especially, if they were the one to initiate the break-up.

Jude's avatar

@daloon That’s interesting. Thanks for responding.

I’m my case, she was the one who messed things up at the end (was seeing her ex and wasn’t being honest with me). She went back to her ex. I waited awhile, then I went out on a few dates (for fun, just to get out and TRY to enjoy myself after the break-up) . The fact that I started to date a bit is what bothered her. That’s what I didn’t get and is why I posted the question.

Turtle's avatar

In my case it has depended on the relationship and how close we were. For all of them except my first boyfriend it doesn’t bother me at all I’m glad to say. But after I broke up with my first boyfriend he was devastated when I was with someone else and heard about it and I was the same with him. I was absolutely distraught when he moved on and am still weird about his new gf’s after me.
For other Ex’s, it doesn’t bother me one iota.

It was hard because I always regretted breaking up with him as I was young at the time and since have missed him not being in my life as much.

I think there can be so many reasons for still feeling bad from more self focussed issues (eg) pride, competition, lowered self esteem, regret, feeling cheated or a victim and not letting go…..to more relational reasons (eg) grief for the loss of that person in your life.

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