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Jude's avatar

Do you sometimes wonder if it's that you're missing the person and (thinking that you still love them).. or it's really about that you're missing the feelings that go along with of being in love?

Asked by Jude (32134points) March 19th, 2009

And now you’re feeling a void?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Sometimes it’s one or the other, sometimes it’s both. I’ve been in all three of those situations, and none of them are easy to deal with. Missing a person and still loving them is terrible and missing the feeling of being in a relationship and loved and cared for is lonely, but put both of them together and it’s a double whammy. I think the main difference is that the former option can happen when you don’t break up as well; I spent two years missing my boyfriend because we were in a long distance relationship, even though we weren’t broken up. When we did break up, it was that feeling paired with the feeling of missing being in a relationship and having someone to listen to me and reassure me that he loves me. Breakin’ up is definitely hard to do, regardless of which situation you’re in.

Magnolia21's avatar

I feel like sometimes I really miss the whole idea of a boyfriend. Knowing that someone loves me. That has always been the way I’ve seen it after a break-up, that I miss the feeling. However, the realtionship I’m in now makes me think that I would miss more than the general feelings of a relationship. I am positive that I would dearly miss him too.

aviona's avatar

Yes definitely. I built my home inside of that person and let all of my love come from them. Therefore, when that love is gone I do feel a void, a hole. And like @Magnolia21 said it’s always something to fall back on. If you had a shitty day it’s like “Oh well, at least he loves me.” It’s someone there to pick you up and make you feel better. But really, that has to come from within you. Your home has to built within yourself. I’m trying to do that.

SeventhSense's avatar

I still have not found anyone that compares to the connnection that we had. I wonder sometimes if that relationship has impaired my capacity to experience something as equally good but completely different with someone else. I read once that love is actually the most alone you can be and it’s just that you are able to share completely your loneliness with another and he/she with you. I feel that is true. The poignancy and depth of a real love is so raw it’s like leaving a part of your body behind when you break up. I certainly feel like there is something that would add an element that’s missing from my life right now. I just feel like I am preparing to be placed somewhere and until that happens I won’t find her. For years I had this deep ache every once in a while in a dream or at a certain moment but thank God that’s gone. But even still, I don’t regret those feelings. It’s part of being human.

aviona's avatar

Also that feeling of knowing you are desired (both sexually and non-sexually). You are “taken” because someone finds you just that amazing is a comfort.

casheroo's avatar

If I were single, I’d probably say that I missed just being in love..the feeling of being wanted, someone desiring me, someone caring about me. Looking back, I think whenever I had a breakup, I think I missed the companionship I had with the person..the friendship and trust we had built.

Garebo's avatar

Definately the addiction to the feelings.

aviona's avatar

I’ve compared it to a drug before, too. Addiction is definitely an appropriate term.

marinelife's avatar

I have felt that way before after a breakup. A longing to have what I once had. Feeling crappy whenever I saw an entwined couple.

aviona's avatar

Yep. Seeing other couples fucking sucks. I hostess at a restaurant and so not only do I seat couples all the time but I see them walk outside by as I twiddle my thumbs at the hostess stand. Blech.

SeventhSense's avatar

@aviona
You’re seeing people fucking? That’s some restaurant?

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@SeventhSense and @aviona: I would argue that seeing other couples fuck could be pretty spectacular…

aviona's avatar

Ay. The English language…for that matter my language. Sorry guys.

I would put a ginormous space here if I could to separate these two thoughts, but Fluther won’t allow that. What I was also going to add to this is the sharing of things. My boyfriend and I used to share socks. I keep finding his socks even now after we’ve broken up! And the fluidity of money between us was nice. And just everything in our room together…I miss that.

Sellz's avatar

Honestly, i believe that I miss the feeling of truly being in love. However, who’s to say that I have indeed experienced true love? True love never dies, but that love I experienced was burried in 2007.

-Sellz

SeventhSense's avatar

Everytime I see ginormous I think of Gynecology or Giant ‘ginas…weird huh?

chicadelplaya's avatar

@Seventhsense- lol! That is hysterical.
Oh, yes, I too am STILL going through these kinds of emotions from my last break up. I miss him a lot and it SUCKS. I think for me, my feelings and thoughts surrounding this particular question seem to change every other day, so I feel like I can relate to your thoughts (with the exception of Sellz’s. So sorry to hear that hon). I hope to find some clarity with this in the near future. AND maybe another special someone to help me forget all about him…;o)

z28proximo's avatar

I think it’s a little bit of both from your question. I think you miss the way that person makes you feel. I find myself thinking about people I miss, and when I remember how I felt in situations with them, I miss them the most. Like times that were exciting, or fun, or romantic. Depending on whom I am thinking about.

And of course the void is because no one makes you feel the same way right now, and it feels empty because you want to feel that way. When I last moved I left most my friends behind and moved to where I only had 1. So I missed the great times and fun I had with the other ones. I felt alone and empty for sure.

Sometimes thoughts of a long ended love from over 7 years ago comes up in thoughts, and I miss them. I don’t necessarily want to be with them again, or want to love them again. But I definitely miss them. I would want to hang out again and talk and find out how things have been.

I hate nostalgia.

forestGeek's avatar

I have felt both, for sure. twice I have felt like I missed the person, but only to realized it was the idea of being in love, the companionship, security, etc., that I missed. More recently, I knew for sure it’s the person and that I am very much still in love. :|

Jude's avatar

I think now, for me, it’s more that I am missing the feeling of being in love/loving. Yeah, when I think about her, I do miss the good times that we had (some great memories), but, the feeling of loving someone like that and having that love reciprocated fills you up inside. It’s a great feeling. That’s what I miss…

shortysith's avatar

I think it’s a little of both. For a while after I broke up with my ex I missed being in a relationship. I felt secure, safe,loved…he knew me better than anyone. With time, I’ve learned that I didn’t miss the relationship but his companionship. I find when I see something that reminds me of him it makes me hurt a bit, but not from a love sick thing…but from missing a friend

Disc2021's avatar

I wake up to this question every morning. I tell myself that I’m just missing the feelings – but I think that’s my only way of coping and I dont have much of a choice.

Just_Justine's avatar

Sometimes we miss the person we thought they were, or wanted them to be.

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