General Question

Jude's avatar

If you were with someone who was quite inebriated and they continued to make unwanted advances towards you, how would you feel about them?

Asked by Jude (32131points) March 26th, 2009

This happened to me last Saturday. A good friend of mine who has “feelings for me” drank a lot (hence the black out question from a few days ago) and kept trying to force herself on me. She was so drunk that I easily pushed her off of me. But, she kept coming back and finally I had to get away from her and I sat in my car and sobered up before driving home.

How would you deal with something like that? She has apologized a number of times and I know that she is sorry. How would you deal with her, though?

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16 Answers

syz's avatar

I would tell her honestly how uncomfortable her actions made you feel and then make sure not to find yourself in a similar situation.

berocky1's avatar

That happened to me before. But I realize that when someone is intoxicated they are out of thier right mind and I forgive them. But during this action I take them to their house.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

Depending on the severity of the advances I suppose, but with her and it was me. It sounds like she just drank too much, it happens sometimes, not to everyone, but that doesn’t mean she’s a creep, from the little you’ve said it doesn’t seem so at least. but like already stated I’d tell her how it made you feel and move on. doesn’t seem like anything to seriously beat yourself up over

VS's avatar

I would write it off as drunk foolishness and make sure the next time I party with her, I leave before she gets too deep into her cup.

scamp's avatar

Since you say she is a good friend, I’m guessing you like her, just not the way she acted that night because she was drunk. That’s probably what you should tell her.

Just tell her you forgive her, but you don’t want her to drink that much around you so neither of you will ever have to feel so uncomfortable around each other again.

A_Beaverhausen's avatar

id be annoyed. but make sure she knows where you stand.

chyna's avatar

If you have already said something to her, drop it. Why make her feel like crap when she is probably berating herself as it is. No doubt, since you two are good friends, she is embarrased about it and wants to forget it.

Jude's avatar

This wasn’t the first time. It happened before with her New Years. She told me that she won’t be drinking around me anymore.

chyna's avatar

@jmah You probably should’ve mentioned that.
If she starts drinking around you, leave.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I was in a similar situation not that long ago, where a friend was drunk and made unwanted advances/physical contact with me. I didn’t see it coming, and immediately left the party afterward.Now I pretty much completely avoid situations where I’ll see that person. I feel really weirded out, and I my feelings toward him aren’t positive. He’s apologized twice, but I feel like our friendship has been kind of killed. I just can’t feel the same way about him anymore.

…That wasn’t advice, I’m just sharing how I handled it for better or worse…

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I would have a long talk about their alcohol consumption.

That seems to be the bigger problem though the drunken advances are bad too.

I recommend not spending time with the person if they’re going to drink. If they choose alcohol over you it may hurt but at least you’ll know where you stand with them.

SeventhSense's avatar

It depends on how hot they were.:)

gambitking's avatar

Well I’ve had this happen to me. I ended up having to physically keep her in her own seat gently and keep my distance. The problem with the situation was that she had a boyfriend (they were on a ‘break’) who I was friends with, and my GF was sitting right next to me. Talk about awkward.

Because the other person is drunk, there may not be much reasoning you can do with them. Simply use methods of distraction and keep your distance. Unless the situation gets REALLY weird, you should be able to get things back to normal the next day, and it’s in your best interest to try and smooth things over when everyone’s sober again.

Otherwise, it’s perpetual codependent awkwardness

cwilbur's avatar

The way people behave when they’re drunk is a good indicator of their character.

If I were in that situation, I’d probably remind her that no means no, period, end of discussion, and that I would not say no more than three times, whether that meant her not asking or me removing myself from the situation.

And I doubt I’d be around such a person when she was drinking again, friend or not.

ShauneP82's avatar

Accept her apology. If it feels awkward now then tell her. If you like her too ask her out. If you don’t and you feel your friendship has been damaged then tell her. Keep this simple. If she is your friend she will understand and be willing to help work out the problem.

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