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JUDYXYC's avatar

Marriage counselor's few if [any] condemn swinging is this true?

Asked by JUDYXYC (31points) March 30th, 2009

I read on the web the few if [any] marriage counselors will tell a couple not to do swinging providing that they have a long standing marriage. And the there is no problems in their relationship. And that swinging couples have a much lower divorce rate. Any Ideas ?

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11 Answers

TheIowaCynic's avatar

Swingers have a higher divorce rate, so that part isn’t true. marriage counselors will quickly realize, once they’re in the business, that marriages are kept together by many many many different things. There isn’t really a “standard model,” for marriages, so I’m guessing you’d be right to suggest that they probably don’t condemn swinging categorically as a profession.

Without having a study in front of me, I would be shocked to imagine it’s something they tend to promote.

I was in a non-marriage swinging relationship for 1.5 years so I know a little about it. For some married couples it works, but these don’t tend to be couples with big families. They tend to be yuppy types.

For many couples it’s something of a “last ditch,” type of thing, where they don’t want to get divorced but might want to have fun and explore. It varies from couple to couple

PupnTaco's avatar


No, I’ve never heard that. Sorry.

casheroo's avatar

@TheIowaCynic Can you link me to that information on swingers having a high divorce rate?

Likeradar's avatar

Judyxyc and TheIowaCynic- did you use “swinging” as a blanket term for all open relationships?

TheIowaCynic's avatar

@Likeradar No. We were not in an open relationship, but the swinging did indirectly cause us to split. It’s great fun but it’s also…....despite what people will tell you…...a very small step between that and a straight up, open relationship.

Once you’re out there, humping around at get-togethers, there’s a certain sanctity to the relationship that goes out the window

TheIowaCynic's avatar

I’m looking and I might have been incorrect. One study says the divorce rate is 5% among swingers (nonsense) and several say it’s slightly less than average, so I’m trying to find a conclusive study.

What my experience tells me, from having been a swinger, is that most swinging couples aren’t people with kids and 9–5 jobs. there are some of those, but most tend to be creative professionals and allot of people in non-traditional kinds of lifestyles and relationships. I’m curious now.

Likeradar's avatar

@TheIowaCynic I didn’t necessarily mean in your particular situation. Judyxyc asked a question about “swingers,” and you answered about “swingers.” I’m interested in this topic so I’m wondering if swingers was used as a blanket term for all poly relationships, or just true swinging.

TheIowaCynic's avatar

@Likeradar Ahhh…...I have misunderstood again. I think when people use the term swinger, they’re generally referring to closed relationships that engage in proscribed sexual activity with one or more people in groups or at parties.

syz's avatar

Ah, I thought JUDYXYC had given up on the swinger thing – been a while since the last mention.

randj20002's avatar

We have been swingers for 9 years and our 21 year marriage and it is the best it’s ever been. The last time we swapped with another couple, we came home and immediately made love like newlyweds.

I realize us alone is an anecdotale story, but when we compare the swingers we know with the no swingers, there are more than twice the divorces amoung the nonswingers.

I also be curious to read and study showing swingers get divorced more, since I don’t believe one exists.

JDillstern's avatar

swingers are generally middle or upper midlle class, white people in general. swinger clubs will not join folks who have certain addiction.
above mentioned group of people (white middle/upper middle class) has very VERY low divorce rates in general and on top of that once you remove substance abuse the divorce rate should be minor.
well, this isn’t the case with your average swinger couples. first off, many will divorce over mere discussion when they want to go or when they change their mind to go on first swinger party. this is also related to potential relationship problems and some folks think that swinging will solve their problems. it won’t, it’ll only seal their fate without any further hope.
so, now that we absolved that only the most ideal situation, where couple profiles are generally successful whiteys, with extremely low divorce rates in general and being economically secured and fully trusting to each other and not having any addictions… divorce rates for those couples is HIGHER than the average divorce rate for first marriages in usa, which is now around 44%. about 53% of all marriages will end up in divorce and swingers who are registered in their swinging parties are usually earlier mentioned profile of couples that generally should have lower divorce rates, plus they spent years and years together, which makes their marriage even more stable but an estimated half of all registered swingers will stay together!
When you take all this into account, swinging is a dangerous road for your marriage. you can always take skiing or some activity together with your child(ren) and spouse. you can always spice things up in a romantic way. sex is NOT and will NOT be the lynchpin of marriage. regardless of what media tells you. marriage resides on the fact that your husband/wife becomes your best friend over the years that you spend together. a true soul mate.

I am very sorry for all the wrong data on swinging, because our neighbours swinged for two years and got divorced. they also called us to swing with them but we refused. they never had any trouble in marriage and were rather great couple, their intent was to swing with us before they join swingers club and to drag us into it as well… and they cited supposed 5% divorce rate that they found on various websites. they regretted it and they admitted it themselves that they saw many couples simply “quitting” over time by not coming back. do not believe everything they say, do not believe wikipedia, they simply cite each other and use each other as “reference” for their claims. reality of swinging is a lot different… though some couples do manage to do it. My opinion? Not worth it. But then again, my wife and I never had any other sex partner in our lifetime, we were first sex partners to each other and we married as 26 (me) and 24 year olds (my wife), after we graduated from our universities and got our jobs. we have four kids and all our children are well-behaved and successful. I’d never do silly things to endanger things that we both care for so much more, even more than our own lives!

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