General Question

KalWest's avatar

Have you ever been in a secret relationship?

Asked by KalWest (1389points) April 3rd, 2009

There are lies we have to tell, there are truths we can’t deny?

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28 Answers

Darwin's avatar

What does question A have to do with details B?

cak's avatar

I was just going on the first question. Lies we have to tell – Yes, my butt does look okay in these jeans. Truths we can’t deny – I’m short.

(trying to see the correlation between the two questions.)

Bagardbilla's avatar

yes, after my divorce, I met a woman (I can only describe her as my soulmate)...
She’s married with a child, a husband who is unattentive to her needs…
Our friendship grew into a relationship, into an affair and onto a form of love which has allowed us both to let each other go for the sake of what she has to lose…
Now I wander about knowing that the One who “completes me” is right there yet so far…
” life in my fluttering hands remains, say not my love for Vine in vain. Before me let the Cup remain, hands cannot touch, but eyes can [silently] rain”.

nebule's avatar

i guess that depends on who’s perspective one is coming from…

wundayatta's avatar

Secret from whom? I’ve had many relationships that were secret from one person or another.

nebule's avatar

who’s???what am i thinking???? i meant whose…oh wait a minute…memory blank…what do i mean…HELP!

KalWest's avatar

Sorry if I wasn’t totally clear. I meant the type of relationship Bagardbilla posted or:

Bluefreedom's avatar

Yes, I was involved in a secret relationship at one time in my life.

No, there are no lies I have to tell. I am honest to a fault.

Yes, there are truths I can’t deny. I’m also a jolly good fellow which no one can deny.

Darwin's avatar

To be honest, there was one secret relationship I was in that was a secret even to me. I found out about it after the fact – someone in my same small area of the life sciences apparently fell for me, but never said anything (to me certainly).

I only ever saw him once a year at conventions. He always seemed nice, smart, hard-working and funny but not particularly flirtatious. We exchange a few professional letters and I generally looked forward to seeing him each year as part of the group. He was also married, to all appearances happily.

Then suddenly he sent me a cassette tape recording of love songs he had written to me as one of the last things he did before he killed himself. He left no note so no one really knows what was going on with him.

That was definitely a secret relationship. And a tragic one, to boot.

Otherwise, I don’t do secrets well. I can never remember what I can talk about or to whom. Good thing I am not a spy.

westy81585's avatar

I’m in a sort of secret relationship now (but not to the style of the others listed here). I’m “dating” my friends little sister. We’re both at points in our life where a “permanent” or long term serious relationship would be no good (she’s 18 about to enter college, i’m 23 about to leave college), but we like each other and both want some kind of emotional/romantic connection so we’re “filling” a void for one another so to say.

But it’s got to be largely on the DL because her mother is one of the overbearing types (like might try to harm me if she found out…). Which is really ironic because not knowing that anything is going on, she likes me a lot and wishes her son (my friend) would hang out with me a lot more rather than some “bad character” friends he has. In fact, a LONG time ago (when I was in high school), I dated her older cousin for a little while. So the family knows me, and largely they all like me (the cousin dumped me and her family all seem to think she’s an idiot for having done it, though in fairness the guy that followed me was a TOTAL d-bag).

But yah, it’s a secret, shhhh.

KalWest's avatar

wow… how sad

fireinthepriory's avatar

Why yes I have. Two of them.

The first one lasted 8 months, and I actually told almost no one about until it was over. This was because it was with a former friend’s ex, and I knew she would have gone totally nuts if she knew he and I started dating. Which she did, when she inevitably found out, because I am BAD at keeping secrets and ended up telling a few too many people! That was three years ago and she’s actually still mad at me! I, on the other hand, am still really good friends with the ex. :)

The second time it was my SOs choice to keep it a secret. She’s a very typical self-loathing homophobe and wouldn’t even tell her best friends about it. Somehow it lasted 6 months, and it would have been longer if she hadn’t gone abroad for a year… Sometimes you need distance to get perspective. :) I adore her to this day, but she needs to bust herself out of the damn closet if she ever wants a healthy relationship!

Anyway, these combined have left me with a pretty strong distaste for secret relationships. They’re pretty lame when it comes down to it.

SeventhSense's avatar

No I’ve never cheated on anyone I was in a serious relationship with. I don’t like that Ashley Madison site either. I think it’s a horrible statement about our failure as a society to exemplify ideals like loyalty, fidelity and sacrifice for a relationship.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

A relationship of awkward sort, I guess so. Dated a co worker for a few months who was extremely paranoid of what others would think and wanted to keep our involvement unknown. Had a few sexual encounters out of boredom with another co worker who had a gf and baby.

SuperMouse's avatar

I have been in a secret relationship. Not unlike Bagardbilla I found my soulmate when the timing was not perfect. We were actually both married in very unsatisfying relationships that we were each working our way out of. When we found one another we both knew that we couldn’t be in a relationship together, but we also knew we had found our other half. We saw each other in secret while still married to others. We knew we had a lot to lose being together, but even more to lose being apart. We are still in love, we are both divorced, we are still working our way toward each other and preparing for when the moment is right. In the meantime we spend time with one another. I wouldn’t classify it as secret at the moment since we are both single, but we do work hard to be discreet.

I wish it didn’t have to happen this way, but I am so thankful to have found the love of my life – who feels the same way about me – I have learned to accept things as the come.

VzzBzz's avatar

I have committed adultery by my thoughts
I have committed adultery by my words
I have committed adultery in my heart
Countless times I have dreamedt adultery by my flesh
I confess

badass101's avatar

yes i have and noone should.tell people dont be embaresed of your partner

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Yes, I have. And I don’t regret it one bit. My life would be very lacking if I hadn’t met this man. There’s 3 other people who know who he is. I trust them 100%, so I know we’re safe. I never dreamed I could love another so deeply. We get to talk every now & then..not near enough, but I cherish every conversation we DO have. I still have things he sent me & I’ll keep them until the day I die. He’s a rare breed. They don’t come along like this very often. If only he was mine to keep.

westy81585's avatar

These stories of people who got married and THEN met the loves of their life just make me all the more happy that I’m gonna wait a few years and be ABSOLUTELY positive that she’s the one before I ask her to marry me.

As for being cheated on by a g/f, as far as I know it hasn’t ever happened, but it would be the end of the relationship flat out if it did. I don’t do that shit, and I won’t put up with it. If you want to be with somebody else, break up and then go for it.

ONCE I helped a girl cheat, despite trying my best not to. She would literally show up at my house and things would end up happening (Hey I’m only human). I knew it was wrong and tried to break it off multiple times, telling her we can’t do this and we can’t see each other anymore, and she would still show up and I couldn’t say no. Finally though I broke it off completely by going from my normal self into a complete ass. It worked (too well actually).

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@westy81585 Ideally, this all sounds good. And that’s great if you can do it. I hope you can. But never say never. I said never & it happened anyway. Had never happened before & hasn’t since. It just takes that one person to make you love another. And in my instance, he’s so easy to love.

adreamofautumn's avatar

I was a young gay teenager once. There were definitely secrets there for awhile. That closet door is firmly shut now, and i’m an adult, so at this point i’m pretty sure they’re gone. (Okay that’s a fib, my ex and I kept ours hidden for about 2 weeks because we didn’t want to hurt her best friend/my ex gf by telling her).

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@SuperMouse I hope you find your happiness in each other. You’ll never be happy until you do.

Jack79's avatar

plenty of times, especially when I was younger. there was this one girl that didn’t want her parents to find out about us, even though we were almost 30, and they’d known me for ages and would probably approve.

timeand_distance's avatar

My first girlfriend and I kept it a secret because I was afraid that I would be alienated at school because of it (it had happened to my very out gay friend).

Looking back, it was really stupid to have kept it a secret. Everyone figured it out anyway.

joy20's avatar

Yes, guard your heart darlin!

secrets517's avatar

Well my boyfriend broke up with me for my other friend. Well after a almost a month of trying to be friends we confessed we still liked each other. He said he needed me but wanted to mature for me so we started seeing each other in secret while he’s dating my friend. I’m so glad i’m graduating early so it’ll be easier on us. I am so not the other woman because i was there first =D

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