How do you deal with extreme emotions brought on by specific events?

My mother is currently in the hospital. I tend to avoid seeing her as much as possible when she’s in the hospital or really ill. Something she’s told me she understands, she doesn’t want to see me in pain the same way I don’t want to see her. But even on the phone, I end up with long silent stretches while I try to keep myself composed and let her talk. Afterwards, I burst out crying and have to get it out.

This just happened, and now even typing this I feel that ache in your face when you try to hold back tears, and I shake a bit. Sometimes I push it all down, sometimes I have a full blown panic attack.

So, my question is, how can I deal with this better? Is there no better, is this something you just barrel through and hope for the best? Have you ever had to do it?

I know the standard is to speak to someone, talk, find friends. I have them, but I’ve always been uncomfortable with what I see as ‘burdening others’ emotionally. My friends are all empathetic types, and sometimes I think it’s too much for them, I end up bottling it up more. And my family, closes up or gets angry at each other when we spend time together.

When do you feel like this? What do you do?