General Question

blaksquid's avatar

Ever tried too hard in a relationship?

Asked by blaksquid (71points) April 6th, 2009

Been married for 4 months now. My wife says I’m trying too hard at making my marriage work which is starting to irritate her. When I ask her what do I do, she tells me to relax and let things come naturally. But I don’t know how to relax. What do I do so I don’t make my wife more mad?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

8 Answers

dynamicduo's avatar

I suggest you go to counseling or therapy. Talking with a professional will likely help a lot in your situation. Simply put, we have no clue who you are nor what you are doing that irritates your wife.

Poser's avatar

I don’t really understand what “trying too hard” means. Can you give us specifics?

blaksquid's avatar

well i’m all or nothing, no gray area. if it comes to holding hands or anything along those lines and she doesn’t want to be affectionate then I withdraw completely. then she gets mad because it comes across like I’m ignoring her. lol, I don’t know how to be in the middle.

Poser's avatar

Sounds like a simple communication problem. If she’s misunderstanding your intentions, just explain to her how you feel. If you two are having trouble communicating hurt feelings without getting angry with each other, then it sounds like counseling is in order. Best to start now before these things get out of hand.

chucklmiller's avatar

Absolutely! In college…on the rebound after a loooong relationship. Not fun.

lukiarobecheck's avatar

Are you worried about something? Do you feel like she is not going to love you if you do not do something right by her standards maybe? It sounds like you are looking for her approval. Something I struggle with my self. I can relate to your question. As for how I deal with it. I have to sit back and tell my self. I am doing what I can to make things work. And thats all I can do. I also have to trust in the fact that we both love each other, and no matter what I am doing, she will still love me. That is what true love is. Loving someone even for their faults. You two got married for one reason or the other. So you did something right. Just relax, be who you are, and do not get all caught up in trying to please her ever need all the time. There are two of you in this relationship.

Jack79's avatar

yes, tried too hard, especially in my marriage. Which is not why it failed, so don’t panic.

What your wife means (and this would be true of any relationship) is to be yourself. You don’t have to do the dishes, you don’t have to ask her how she is every 10 minutes. You will not be doing these things in 20 years, so there’s no point in doing them now. Take some time off from each other, do your own things. Being married does not mean you have to spend every minute of the day together. What did you use to do when you were still dating her? Go out with your friends once a month, catch a movie alone once a week or something. You can always find the balance between being a loving and caring husband who is always there when she needs him, and being a pain in the arse that is just getting on her nerves by choking her inside her own home.

cak's avatar

Oh wow. You really do need to learn to relax! How long did you know her before you married? In four months, what has changed so much, where you feel like you must work so hard, all the time?

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther