Why do people freak out when they turn 30 ?

I didn’t. Loved it, actually. 40 wasn’t great, 50 won’t be either.

My hubby’s going through this now:

Throughout your 20s you can live in denial about being a full-fledged “grown-up”. But once you hit 30, that’s it. It signals a new era in a person’s life: The beginning of middle age. And most people have ideas about where in life they wanted to be by 30. Sadly, most people don’t live up to those ideas, creating further depression.

Not sure. I am 27 years old and I refuse to freak out and feel old. In fact. I feel a lot stronger now than I did when I was 18. I do gymnastics for crying out loud. Started only 2 years ago. Go figure. Age is in the mind.

30 itself was no big deal.

But it was jarring at 32 to realize I’d lived longer with a driver’s license than without.

I wasn’t excited about 30, but now I’ve embraced my 30s and wouldn’t want to be in my 20s again. I’m looking forward to my 40s…every decade is a stage and you should appreciate it for what it’s worth.

I’m 34, and it seems strange to even say that. It doesn’t seem like I should be 34 already! And since when is 30 the beginning of middle age? Maybe I would have freaked out if I’d known that a few years ago.

What I find scarier is how quickly my childrens’ birthdays are adding up. My daughter recently turned 10, and that had much more of an effect on me than any of my own birthdays have.

I don’t know anyone else yet aside from an ex sister-in-law who freaked out turning 30. My own 30th b-day was a great bash and great time in my life.

30 wasn’t a problem, nor was 40. I must admit, though, that 50 was a bit of a big deal mostly because my parents had such a hard time accepting it.

I do freak out mildly every time I remember that my daughter has just one more year at home and then it is off to college for her.

I’m turning 30 this year, and it’s only in the last couple of weeks that it’s bothered me at all. My GF is 24 and teases me about being five years older than her, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m not freaking out. Just makes me a little sad for some reason. I think it’s because I always imagined I’d have it all together by now. To the casual observer it might appear that I do, in fact, have it all together. But I certainly don’t feel grown up.

I honestly can’t wait to be in my 30’s…

Contrary to popular belief, being 19 in a crappy dorm with NO decent job, no money, no say in where I can live, and drinking abound is not cool. I don’t feel “settled” and things always feel erratic, although they get better I think as you get older.

I couldn’t care less that I am at the “ideal age” in society’s eyes. I’m un-established, immature, and lacking in common knowledge about the world and the college bubble does nothing to help this. I would love to have a stable job that I enjoy doing and to have my own house that I can call my own. Someday that will happen. For now, I just have to get through college life. :P

My bf is lucky to be in his 30’s. I’d love to switch places!

I’m turning 29 in exactly a month. I think my thirties will be great, but it’s definitley a sign that my reckless youth is coming to an end. Thirty is so adult seeming to me…
Maybe that’s why some people freak out?

I don’t think it really gets tough before 60. And after about 75 you can start bragging about it.

But a lot of people do, like Poser, think some things in their lives ought to be settled by the time they’re 30. Approaching 30 with so many things up in the air is a lot like coming up on finals and realizing you haven’t studied. That crisis seems to precipitate sudden action in many young people, sort of like cramming for a life exam. Suddenly people get serious and get married or get divorced or go to law school (a lot of people decide to go to law school!) or change careers. Really birthday number 30 is just another day, but it’s never the wrong time to examine your course in life and take corrective action if need be.

[Edit] Watch out for the urge to make major decisions right then. Better think twice about them.

@seekingwolf Brutal honesty. I love it. If I could give you a piece of advice, however, it would be this: enjoy where you are now. I think that is one of the causes of the melancholy I feel about turning 30. I tried to get here too soon, and squandered my late teens/early 20s.

I am 27 this year and don’t see the big deal of being closer to the BIG 30 . Yet everyone keeps saying i am nearly old and things like that . To me its just a number .

I freaked out at 30 because I wasn’t in my 20’s anymore. I just simply felt old. I’m 32 now and don’t seem to feel like that so much anymore.

@Poser

Oh that does sound bad…I wouldn’t want to feel like I’ve squandered any part of my life. :(

Thanks for the advice! I’ll try to keep it in mind…especially on the weekends when I know I should go out but somehow I end up in the library and it’s 12:30 am…><
Maybe I’ll regret being this way someday, maybe not…we’ll see.

@seekingwolf It’s all about balance and moderation. I’m only now learning how not to be an extremist in every aspect of my life.

i turn 30 in december. i’m not entirely looking forward to it, i think it’s depressing myself.

that’s not true

people get depressed when they turn 29.5
it’s fine once they turn 30+1 day

I’ll tell you in three years and a half.
Will you still be hanging around in here?

My guess, you’re not 30 yet :)

@MissAusten – I say that I think 30 is the beginning of middle age just based on numbers. I’d say the average person should expect to live to somewhere between 60–85. If you look at the lower end of that scale, 30 is middle age, literally.

Not that I would look at a 30 year-old and say they’re “middle aged”, just that it’s the beginning of it. Does that make sense?

I think some folks think 30 is the first step to “getting old”... I think perhaps they’ve bought into the stigma that living life to it’s fullest is just for the young, and that once that window has passed, that they have to buckle down, get serious, and stop “messing around” and Do Something With Their Life.

Hmm, yeah. Why does that mean that life has to stop being fun? I’‘m “supposed” to own a house and “supposed” to have a family so I can’t be reckless or take chances anymore, I must commit to a job that doesn’t make me happy and sacrifice all for the family and the house because those are the wants and needs we all mimic to each other in idle, mindless conversation.

It doesn’t have to be that way. That way kinda sounds shitty. I’m kind of heading that way.

I’m 28 now. I think my 30 yr resolution is to make sure my life is still fulfilling without getting caught in the trap of what I’m “supposed to be doing” at this certain stage of my life and commiting myself to things I hate because that’s what is expected of 30-somethings.

@bananafish Yeah, that makes sense…now I am going to go make up for the past four years of NOT freaking out. ;)

I think people feel rushed to have their lives settled during their 30s. There shouldn’t be a rush for anything.
I don’t know where I’ll be when turning 30. I’m only 22, so I would hope I have a career by that point, and I’ll be done having children. I look forward to that point in my life.

I am almost 40. 30 was cake, 40’s a killer. Like some others, it is my son’s age that is affecting me. He is 12 and taking his first “away” trip this summer to a Jr. young achievers congressional seminar in Wash.D.C. (BY HIMSELF!!!) I am dying inside with fear. I KNOW everything will be fine, but my “mom side” is not ready for him to start middle school next fall. 30 was easy, 50 will be better, he will be in college, but the first steps are a killer!

Didn’t you hear? 40 is the new 30? My best friend really pushes that one.

30, piece of cake. I turned 38 this year and I’m happy. Why get bogged down with a number? I had a blast, on my 30th birthday! I plan on having a great party for my 40th birthday. I’ve already had enough in my life to fear, age is the least of those. I celebrate each year.

Fear of old age.

If 30 is old I am the President! I really believe old is a frame of mind. My grandma is 93… Still going to the mall in her hover round and to lunch with the ladies. Call her old and she will hit you with her “old lady” purse!

I simply meant that I am not ready for my baby to be growing up. It is me and I know that (he is an only child). Even my hubby is feeling it. We are talking about adopting! We must be having a mid-life crisis! Life is getting really good now. We can go at the spur of the moment no diaper bags etc. We really are nuts!

When I turned thirty, or maybe a few years after that, I realized that something significant had changed. I had thought I understood things before, but somehow, at thirty, I saw much more. I felt like I had become a person. It was really quite extraordinary, that feeling.

It was all in my head, I suppose, but I felt like I finally had a clue about this life thing. I could make plans and enact them, and I wasn’t just flitting around, doing one thing and another. I understood what it was like to do all kinds of things, because I’d done them. Finally, experience was starting to make a difference.

After that experience, I like to joke that people don’t become persons until they’ve passed thirty. I don’t know if other people experience it this way, although I think a few people I’ve talked to have mentioned something similar.

It’s quite ironic, because when I was a kid, the kids five years older than me were talking about how they couldn’t trust anyone over thirty. I think they knew what they were talking about. When you become a person, your priorities and understandings have changed. You see more long term. You understand there are no more quick fixes. Things are much more complicated than they seem.

I truly hope that forty is not the new thirty, because I’d hate to see people wandering around fairly clueless until they turn forty. I mean, for women, the biological clock has about run out at that point.

SO, I don’t think people should freak out at thirty. I think it is something to welcome. It is settling—not the birthday, itself, but the difference that three decades of experience makes, compared to only a few years before. I guess it’s a kind of tipping point. You can no longer pretend to be a kid. You see too much for that.

@daloon

Wow…that’s really changed my perspective on this, very insightful.

If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to share parts of your post with my boyfriend, who’s going through the “mid 30 blues” and is worried about getting older. I think maturing is a wonderful, beautiful thing and you’ve articulated this wonderfully! Thank you!

Thank you @seekingwolf. And of course, share it with your bf.

because of that damn jennifer garner movie…

I am 30 and I am freaking out. Not because of the age but just because I hoped I would be in a more comfortable position financially, romatically etc. But here I am single I just sold everything I owned and moved halfway around the world because I thought my life was dull and predictable. Now im in London running out of money, yet to find a job and Im feeling depressed because I feel like I have to start all over again. One thing that gets me down is when I have friends or meet people who are younger than me who are doing the things or have the things that I want and it makes me feel like a failure.

I want to change careers because the one I was in was making me unhappy but dont know what I want to do, so im just going to pick something and try it.

I suppose thats all I can do. I just find myself wanting to cry sometimes for no reason because I thought by 30 you are supposed to have things figured out. Is it wrong to want more? At the end of the day I just want to be happy. Part of me wants
to up and leave to Europe and be all Eat.Pray.Love!!... sigh! I have a job interview tomorrow in an industry I have absolutely No experience in. I just hope its a step in the right direction and is going to give me what I want. Wish me Luck!

Good luck! You know, all my life, I thought I wasn’t doing as well as my friends and other people my age. I doubted my choices, and I felt trapped by my personality into these kind of jobs that might be socially important, but wouldn’t pay me much.

I’m 55 now and all those expectations I had came tumbling down on top of me, making me very depressed. I eventually learned that I didn’t have to let my expectations rule my life and rule my assessment of my own worth. Those expectations and assessments were self-ascribed and they were designed to make me feel bad. For what? How did this help me?

I’m happier now. I try not to compare myself to anyone. I try just to do things I enjoy. I don’t need to impress anyone, really. I need to focus on what is meaningful to me. And do that.

People often tell me to do what you love and the money will follow. I see this is true in a number of cases, although I don’t know how often it is true. But I think it doesn’t matter if the money follows. If you’re doing what you love, then you have your love, and that’s more important than all the rest of it.

I’ll give you another piece of advice for free. If you do what you love, other people who love it will eventually show up, and you will find a romantic interest there. Doing what you love is the best way to find love, in my opinion.

@michen Good for you! Do you know how many people are unhappy with their lives are are too afraid to do anything about it, much less take such drastic measures as you’ve taken. Years from now I doubt you will regret your decision. You would have, however, doubted the decision to do nothing, staying in a job you hated.

Don’t worry about money, peers, or anyone else. Follow your dreams (as cheesy as that sounds).