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Lorenita's avatar

I think my boyfriend takes me for granted.. what should I do?

Asked by Lorenita (735points) April 21st, 2009

Hello.. I’ve been together with my boyfriend for a year and four months.. we’ve talked about commitment and serious stuff already and I’m so much in love with him.. the thing is that lately ‘ve been feeling like he just takes me for granted.. see right now im really studying hard to graduate from law school..which keeps me pretty busy during the week, the thing is that im always calling my boyfriend, he never calls me!!! im always like saying sweet things to him and being supportive with him abou his job issues, I even go to his house and spend the night there like once or twice a week, and whenever he needs my help i stop doing whatever im doing and run to be with him.. ok so.. am I doing just all wrong?? why wouldnt he call me.. last time he went out of tow to visit some friends for two weeks and never called me .. not even once..i did talked to him and told him i was kind of hurt because of that.. i dunno.. what should I do?? it sucks since im so stress about my barr exam and this whole thing puts serious stress on me and my heart.. should i just back off without saying anything and just focus on my thing and wait for him to reach me??

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18 Answers

cwilbur's avatar

You and he have different expectations about the frequency of communication. If he thinks it’s reasonable to call only when he has important news to share, and you think it’s reasonable to call at least daily, you’re going to annoy each other endlessly unless you get your expectations on the same page. This means you need to sit down and talk with him about how you feel like he’s taking you for granted because he doesn’t call you.

Also, it sounds like you’re defining your relationship in terms of what you do for him and what he gets out of the relationship. It sounds awfully one-sided to me. What are you getting out of it? Maybe it does make a lot of sense for you to put things on the back burner until you pass the bar exam—or maybe it might make sense for you to take a week off from the relationship and meditate on what you miss about it when it’s not there.

zephyr826's avatar

I think you need to ask yourself what you need from a relationship. As @cwilbur says, he may be fine with that amount of communication. You say that you love him, but he’s stressing you out, and it sounds like you’re starting to resent him for it. Unless you two can get on the same page about this, it’s going to be a constant problem. I also would suggest taking a step back, because you’re investing far too much of your time and your heart to be getting so little back. Good luck.

GAMBIT's avatar

Let him drive for awhile and see where it goes.

qualitycontrol's avatar

my gf doesn’t call me either ;(

ru2bz46's avatar

He probably feels like he doesn’t need to call you because you’ll be calling any minute, anyway. You go to his place a couple times a week, you do everything for him, so he doesn’t feel the need. It was likely relaxing to get away for two weeks and just focus on himself.

I’d focus on my bar exam and give him a break for a while. If he misses you, he’ll call to see what’s up.

Judi's avatar

Men are hunters. It’s no fun if the “prey” just sits there. Let him court you a bit.

tinyfaery's avatar

You have taught him how to treat you. If you want to be treated differently then let him know and act accordingly. If he doesn’t want to hear you or refuses to change then dump him. Don’t waste your time on someone who does not share your values.

emilia_eclaire's avatar

I would definitely allow things to cool for a bit, especially while you are so stressed about your own issues. Maybe he’ll see the light, but it’s equally likely that it won’t make a difference. See how reacts, and if you aren’t satisfied, cut him loose. No matter how much you love him, it isn’t worthwhile to stick around and hope that he’ll one day love you back just as much. Don’t get any more serious with him in hopes that one day this will magically happen.

ubersiren's avatar

Let him know you can’t be taken for granted. Make it LOUD and CLEAR that he is not the only fish in the sea. You can’t be soft about this. Strike a little fear and see if he straightens out. This will empower you as well as wake him up a little. You can love him, but it doesn’t mean he’s good for you. If he’s draining you and doesn’t seem to care, then he’s not loving you back even if he says he is. It could just be that he’s incapable of the love you want from a man in return. If this is the case (if he doesn’t recognize that how he’s making you feel) then you need to get rid of him because he’s just bringing you down.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

#1 take care of yourself and pass the Barr.
Boyfriend stuff is less important.

qualitycontrol's avatar

or give me a call, I’ll help you study for the bar exam AND I’ll treat you right…wish my gf was more like you..

Lorenita's avatar

jajajaja well thank you qualitycontrol… so thank you all for your answers.. my priority right now should be my exam.. it’s the only thing I truly own ..and of course myself! Im gonna back off.. i shouldn’t be begging someone to love me back it’s ridiculous.

ninjacolin's avatar

maybe you should stop being so selfish.

ninjacolin's avatar

that was a joke ^

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

My only advice in this, is to NOT make a problem where there isn’t one. It may just be that he’s fallen into a comfort/habit zone where he figures you know his love is given (and vice-versa). That said, the trip without a call is a bit rough. Just tell him how you feel.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

it’s understandable… I don’t think he does it on purpose but obviously none of us really know the guy.

In my experience, guys like things to be direct. Just ask him if he’s been ok lately. tell him you wish he’d be more engaging on his end, if you’re good at reading people it shouldn’t be hard to figure out his motivations…

Response moderated
sho3ran's avatar

I know how you feel, women like to be adored and be told we are precious etc. Theres nothing worst than being with someone that gives nothing back——all this is one sided. maybe you should back off big time and turn the tables on him, tell him your busy or go out on the nights u usually see him. ( really piss him off) if you get a reaction from him thats great he must have feelings if not forget him and find someone else. Bet he wont like the new you…but if things go to plan you know backing off works and maybe u should hold a few aces up your sleeve for the future.

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