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wundayatta's avatar

How do people feel about their relationships?

Asked by wundayatta (58586points) April 21st, 2009

I was just noticing that there are so many complaints and problems written about here. Many of them about men. There seem to be relatively fewer comments where people are pretty positive about their guy.

Is it true that people talk much more negatively than positively about relationships here? If so, is that because we just tend not to think about saying positive things, but we love to complain? Or is it because the people here generally are unhappy with their relationships, particularly women with their relationships to men (and the occasional lesbian who seems to have a lot of problems with her women).

Finally, what do you like about your significant other? I know this has been asked before, but I thought I’d let people have another chance at it if they want.

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20 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

If you are happy in your relationship, you won’t be asking fluther for help.

I think people tend to overlook the positives too much and reflect more on the negative.

As much as my husband drives me crazy, I do love the SOB.

Haroot's avatar

Everyone looks for perfection in their relationship, though sadly nobody will really find it.

However, the goods are too good to pass up sometimes and worth the bad.

Me and my girlfriend (who make a year in about 2 weeks) have had several issues. But I would never give it all up due to all the great times we had. I gladly take the bad with the good.

Watch “Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind.” Good example. There was a “That 70’s Show” that did the same thing.

veronasgirl's avatar

Everyone does look for perfection in a relationship, but in my personal experience, I seem to to find the opposite. The guy I am interested in now is a mystery to me. He can be the biggest jerk, but at times he can be so sweet. So honestly I’m not sure what I like about him right now…He’s a great kisser, and he can be sweet at times?

Haroot's avatar

I have a habit of being….jerkish? times. It human nature at times.

What you should do is talk to him about it. Say, “Hey, you’re a jerk at times.” If he takes the time to try to change or whatnot, I’d give him shot. If he doesn’t at least try I’d start searching again.

Maybe it’s just me but I find honest and trying two things that really keep a relationship going well. Put your problem out there, work on fixing it, move on. If it can’t be fixed, it’s up to you.

jrpowell's avatar

I never report that my computer is working. I will ask for help if it isn’t.

My computer is working.

girlofscience's avatar

I’m more happy than not in my relationship. We have things we need to work out from time to time, but overall, the relationship is more positive than it is negative. It is likely I have spoken about the negative aspects more frequently than the positive aspects, even though the positive aspects outweigh the negative ones, simply because there is no purpose in asking a question like, “What should I do when my boyfriend is treating me like a princess?” But yeah, most people have already covered this concept.

As for what I like about my boyfriend:
– He is an amazing cuddler. I love to cuddle constantly, and I also love my skin to be touched/rubbed/stroked constantly. He does both of these all the time without my even asking.
– He is so unbelievably loyal that I have never even once considered worrying about infidelity.
– He is intelligent and has much more worldly knowledge than I do. I may crush him when it comes to mathematical and scientific concepts, but he is always up to date on every current event, and he has a much larger knowledge base when it comes to film, literature, and history.
– He is very considerate. At least once a day, out of nowhere, he will ask me if there is anything he can do for me. Just because. He loves to make me food and bring it to me while I’m working, bring me towels when I’m in the shower and forgot to get one in advance, etc.
– He is a phenomenal father. Our three daughters absolutely love them, and he is so devoted to caring for them. He also shares my passion for animal rescue work, and so he comes to every event / feral cat feeding, etc. that I do.
– He is an excellent conversationalist. Things are never boring between us because we always have something to talk about. He also shares the majority of my perspectives.
– He thinks I am adorable and makes me feel happy about myself (not that I wouldn’t, anyway). He is also extremely encouraging of my work and my career.

I could go on, but I think that’s probably sufficient.

miasmom's avatar

I love my husband, he always can cheer me up and make me laugh. We have a great relationship and it’s hard to remember what it was like before him. He is the best daddy ever also. He is clearly the favorite parent from our daughter’s point of view.

aviona's avatar

I love threads like this—that make us stop and think about all the good that surrounds us.

casheroo's avatar

I agree with @johnpowell.
I don’t need advice when things are going well, but relationships take work…so if I feel the need to get advice or vent, then I don’t see what the problem is. If someone on fluther is constantly complaining about their relationship, or needing advice, then I think they have bigger issues. But, the occasional issue, where you need an outsiders view to shake it up..then that’s a-ok in my book.
Personally, if I had an issue with my husband, I’d probably talk about it in the chatroom with the people I’ve become close with. Or, I’d talk to my girlfriends or mother. I usually run to my mom for everything haha.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

When your relationship is going great and you’re all heads up, it reads like bragging or rubbing it in people’s faces to go on about it. Some people even believe they’ll jinx what they’ve got if they air it online and other times if the relationship doesn’t last then the puffery is open to ridicule.

casheroo's avatar

Oops, I didn’t answer the rest of the question.
What do I like about my husband? Not everything, because I’m realistic ;) I love how he loves our son. He calls me all the time to tell me little accomplishments our son has made. He is so proud of the little person we’ve made, that it makes my heart swell so much.
He’s very funny, always makes me laugh. We share the same taste in bad movies.
He’s so honest, and I love that. We’ve never lied to the other, even through rough times.
He makes me feel beautiful every minute of the day.
He always stays strong for me.
There’s plenty more, but I’m not the best at this sort of thing.

jo_with_no_space's avatar

My relationship is brand spanking new and wonderful so far! We are at the can’t-stay-away-for-2-seconds stage :)

seekingwolf's avatar

I’ve talked about my bf in a few questions here…as it was mentioned before, I’m not going to start a question and be like “OMG THINGS ARE GREAT WITH MY BF”. I’ll only post when I am having a problem and want advice.

We’ve been together for about a year now and we are past the “infatuation” stage, but things are still going well. (he’s at home so we are IMing each other right now).

I think we’re both quirky people from different sides of life (we are an age gap relationship as well as a biracial one). We’ve come from different backgrounds and families, but we’re so alike in so many ways. He’s very supportive of me and always gives me my space when I need it. I love how we have similar tastes in music!

Jack79's avatar

That’s just because girls like to nag, daloon. And once they’re done nagging to their boyfriends, they go online and nag to strangers about their boyfriends. But if you notice, most of those questions come from newbies that disappear within a week (presumably off to seek the new Mr.Perfect at

I am quite happy about my current relationship (if I can still call it that), the main problem being that we live thousands of miles away. She can’t travel at all, and I can’t afford it anymore (plus I have all sorts of other issues to solve as you know). I try to visit about once a month though, I’m going over for her birthday this Sunday. But it’s a dead end unless she moves near me (and I can’t move back near her anymore).

casheroo's avatar

also, when did feeding, giving water, and cleaning up after pets make them children? lol

girlofscience's avatar

@casheroo: Thanks, Celia Hodes.

casheroo's avatar

what does a character on weeds have to do with anything?

girlofscience's avatar

@casheroo: She made a very similar comment in an episode…

JLeslie's avatar

I love my husband, he is one of the best men I know. I love spending time with him, looking at him, listening to him, I could go on.

Jack79's avatar

I am officially no longer with my last gf, due to distance. We still talk a lot and have positive feelings for each other, but she already found someone new and I guess I should, too. There was no way this would work for at least another 14 years, and keeping up a long-distance relationship for 14 years is unrealistic to the point of stupid.

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