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sparkky's avatar

how do you become more emotionally intimate?

Asked by sparkky (93points) December 6th, 2007 from iPhone

my partner is complaining that she feels we are not intimate emotionally and that she wants a deeper connection. We’ve been together for 9 years.

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6 Answers

GD_Kimble's avatar

Start by asking this simple question: “How was your day?” Then really talk, and really listen. You’d be surprised how much intimacy can come from just that.

christybird's avatar

Here’s something that is somewhat similar to GD Kimble – at the end of the day, right before going to sleep, share your favorite thing about the day. (Force yourself to think of at least one thing!) At first it might be hard to think of something, but it’ll get easier over time and it’s really nice.

Supergirl's avatar

My fiance and I read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It is a very popular relationship book. It is based on the 5 different ways people give and want to receive love: Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Physical Affection, Quality Time and Acts of Service. Essentially, if you can identify what your partner’s love language is (and in turn what yours is), then you can better meet each other’s needs. I have suggested this book to many married friends and they have loved it (even the men). You can check out the author’s website: And learn quite about it about the philosophy without reading the book. You can even take a 30 second assessment to find your language.

Spargett's avatar

I’d say by letting your egotistical barriers down. Show her that you have feeling, express your fears and desires. Then really try to listen when she does the same.

I know a problem I’ve had (in this sense) was never letting the “inner dialogue” out, which can tend to really define someone “emotionally”.

sanguinesky's avatar

This is where you’ll have to put aside the image that society has given to men that we feel we must live up to. For so long now, there has been a standard placed on the psyche of how men are supposed to think, and one of the major stipulations are that we aren’t supposed to have feelings about many issues, but of course this hasn’t stopped us from doing so, only from admitting that we are doing so. I would say it’s time to look inside yourself for a minute and see who you truly are. She’s not asking for something you can’t give her, she simply wants a more enriched experience with the man she loves.

skfinkel's avatar

I think I would get myself and my girlfriend to a counselor to talk this problem out. It may be that there are other fissures in the relationship that you aren’t aware of, and sometimes a third person in the room allows two people to talk more directly and be heard more clearly.

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