General Question

Jude's avatar

Why do some people not take rejection as well as others?

Asked by Jude (32152points) April 25th, 2009

I’m seeing this happening with a “friend couple” of mine who just split up. The one who was the “rejectee” is not taking it well – at all.

So, my question; why do some people have a hard time of dealing with/and letting go when they’ve been rejected, while for others, it doesn’t affect them as much and they have an easier time moving on? What does that say about them as a person/their personality?

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18 Answers

Ownage's avatar

Well why does a bear shit in the woods?? It just does.

Thats human nature

upholstry's avatar

Some people do not have the confidence to think they can move on easily, and so cling to the other person. This may be due to a low self-esteem or just negative experience with relationships. For example if the rejectee has been rejected multiple times before and he/she doesn’t understand why.

@Ownage your answer is like saying ‘it’s just science!’ when someone asks how a computer works.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Self esteem, past experiences, mental illness, etc.

rooeytoo's avatar

I think self esteem says it all. It’s like am I being dumped because there is something wrong with me or because the dumper is a dope and can’t see how good I am!

Garebo's avatar

Some people are better at look at rejections as valuable information which they really are-they accept it and learn from it; they choose not to live in a cycle of sabotage, but choose to learn from the failed relationship, realizing either way they don’t lose. The best salesmen in the world often are ones with the most rejections.
I don’t like equating a relationship to salesmanship, but in some respects it is selling yourself to someone, and when that person doesn’t believe in the product (you) anymore, you should learn why and fix the problem or find another customer.

YARNLADY's avatar

Because it hurts. Some people are just naturally more sensitive than others.

fundevogel's avatar

Just because it may not be clear that someone is hurting doesn’t mean that they aren’t hurt. Someone people don’t like to share that with other people.

If it doesn’t hurt it losing that person probably doesn’t mean so much to them.

Tobotron's avatar

Il’d totally disagree with the self esteem and confidence statements, maybe the person thats not having a fun time of being dumped really loved the other person. How would you take it if your partner dropped you for no apparent reason? You wouldn’t take it so well…anyone that makes esteem comments is either someone thats never been dropped or has never been into someone enough for the process to bother them.

YARNLADY's avatar

The question is why some take it worse than others, and a valid answer is that some people have lower self esteem than others. Many people who experience rejection, yet have a good outlook on life through a sense of self worth will still be able to fully function. To claim that only someone has never been dropped, is not responsive and just plain wrong.

Not everyone has to act like a baby just because they have been deeply hurt. A sign of maturity is to be able to take the good and the bad with dignity, and not act out your hurt.

Tobotron's avatar

@YARNLADY I think both sides to this are true its not as simple as to categorize people into groups when talking about something like this…again its not about just self esteems, if you spent several years with someone and then it ended tomorrow I think that person is entitled to grieve for as long as needed its natural behavior. If I use your logic someone with a very high self esteem will simply show little visible effect to being broken up with, simply not true; put simply you can not categorize humans like this because there are many more reasons and individual circumstances.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Tobotron You just claimed that “anyone that makes esteem comments is either someone thats never been dropped or has never been into someone enough for the process to bother them”. Now you’re saying both sides are true.

The questiion is why do some people not take rejection as well as others, and the answers are simply giving different reasons why this might be. Just because you don’t agree with the answers, doesn’t give you the right to say they have never felt it.

Some people simply don’t choose to show their pain in public. That doesn’t mean they don’t have any, and for you to claim otherwise is wrong.

A less mature person will whine and moan and groan and let everyone know how miserable he is, in the belief that misery loves company, while a person with more self esteem can make the choice to be more private about it. The pain is still there.

Tobotron's avatar

@YARNLADY agree to disagree on this one…

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Its a classic matter of emotional maturity.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

It depends on a number of factors. The nature of the relationship is one: incidents that occurred during the relationship, feelings of unfairness, etc., can greatly affect how someone handles a breakup.

Also, past experiences have a great deal to do with it, including family life. Maybe someone doesn’t have a very supportive family, and they feel that they need a boyfriend or girlfriend to fill that gap. Thus, when the relationship ends, they feel abandoned and can’t handle the thought of not having someone to support them anymore.

Likewise, if someone has had more relationship experience, I find it makes it easier to deal with breakups. They’ve been through it before, they know they can get through it and go on with their lives. Especially in a first relationship, it’s common to think that it will last forever, that their significant other is the only person for them. It just takes time and experience to deal with these things.

Hopefully your friend will learn to deal with the breakup. It takes time. I’ve heard somewhere that the time needed to get over a person is about ⅓–½ of the time they were together.

Marie123's avatar

poor coping skills

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