General Question

ohmyword's avatar

What do you believe is the appropriate age to lose your virginity?

Asked by ohmyword (608points) April 26th, 2009

Of course this is entirely circumstantial and personal. My sister is 19, almost 20, and still a virgin. We were discussing this fact and she feels like she’s rapidly approaching the zone of being “too old” to be a virgin. I’ve encouraged her to wait for the right guy, obviously. It’s a personal matter, but when do you think is the universal “right” age to become sexually active?

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40 Answers

BBSDTfamily's avatar

This is a tough one! I don’t think there is a universal age… maybe a universal maturity level is more likely…

ohmyword's avatar

@BBSDTfamily hm, that is definitely a bit easier to swallow.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

There is no set age. It has to do with maturity and finding the right person. Going out and having sex because of perceived societal pressure to do so leads to bad bad decisions.

Facade's avatar

The age you say “I do” :)
Tell your sister not to worry about the pressure of being too old to be a virgin. It’s a good thing.

MacBean's avatar

16 years, 2 months, 14 days.~

knitfroggy's avatar

There is no right age. I don’t think 15 or 16 year olds are old enough, but if they are being safe about it, it’s none of my business. I never understood how 15 year old girls could be having sex. You couldn’t have gotten me naked in front of a guy when I was 15 for anything. I didn’t lose mine until I had just turned 19 and that was with someone that I’d known since kindergarten and didn’t feel quite so funny with.

Bluefreedom's avatar

Why does there have to be any age assigned to when someone should lose their virginity? I think this is absurd. I understand that there is popular opinion on certain ages and peer pressure and other factors involved and I think all of these things are unfair influences on someone when it comes to determining an age to lose virginity. I was 21 years old when I lost my virginity and at that time, it was the right age and circumstances for me, in my opinion.

Edit: I don’t support people losing their virginity at really young ages and I didn’t make that clear in my answer above. I also don’t know what a baseline age should be considered for someone first having sex. If I was pressed to make a decision, I’d at least say 17 years old and up but I just don’t know and I hope I don’t sound like a hypocrite.

_bob's avatar

(At least) 18. Don’t want no trouble with the law.

KalWest's avatar

Depends on the person, maturity, circumstances… lost mine ( lost – wonder why it’s called lost – lol – but anyways—-) when i was 16 – with – gasp! – a girl!!!!! And I lived to tell about it ;)

fundevogel's avatar

I got popped pretty late, and I do think that it it put me back in learning certain things about myself and relationships. But I’m glad I didn’t settle for a lay with a dude that didn’t matter.

funky_princess's avatar

When you feel comfortable, age shouldnt really be and issue, when both the people feel they are ready to have sex then thats the right age!

qashqai's avatar

The appropriate moment is exactly when you find the appropriate girl/boy.

rooeytoo's avatar

Since there is no form of birth control that is 100% reliable 100%of the time, one should not have sex until one is of an age and maturity level and in a financial position to deal with the possibility of pregnancy. They should be the determining factors for males and females alike. That would also pretty much solve the question of the morality of abortion because the reason for having one would be eliminated.

joeysefika's avatar

In the immortal words of South Parks’ Chef, 17

Triiiple's avatar

Whenever you feel like you cant keep it in your pants anymore. Dont be a supporter of Blue Balls, please!

Likeradar's avatar

@Triiiple I would hope that a guy who hasn’t learned the fine art of knowing when and how to keep it in his pants isn’t getting positive feedback for that…

wundayatta's avatar

22 years, five months, six days, 18 hours, 32 minutes, and 12.23 seconds. If you miss it, you’re screwed for the rest of your life! so to speak

tinyfaery's avatar

Somewhere between being ready and being too old. Because if you wait to long…well, that’s just sad.

benjaminlevi's avatar

Any day now would be fine with me.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I don’t really think there is an appropriate age. Anything under 15 starts to severely creep me out, because kids do not realize how great it is to be a kid until they’re 18 and wondering what the hell happened.

That said… I was 20. I refused to sleep with just anyone and waited until I felt a connection.

wundayatta's avatar

Why does anyone think there is a “right” age?

Plenty of women do it because they just don’t want to have to think about being a virgin any more. Others hold onto it because it’s important to them. How could there be a normative age for losing virginity without some particular moral frame of reference. Since we don’t all share the same frame of reference, I would rather know what was a person’s age at the time, and why did they lose it at that point. I think a question like that would generate more interesting and useful stories.

Pol_is_aware's avatar

Whatever age you’re at when you can use the words fun and responsible in one sentence, without a comma splice.

ohmyword's avatar

@Pol_is_aware great answer! haha

lisaj89's avatar

I think it’s just whenever the person is ready. I kind of agree with the maturity answer however, when I started thinking about it I disagree. I am mature and responsible but still do not feel I am ready to have sex. Even in my most recent relationship, I could not picture myself becoming intimate with the guy. I think one must be ready to become a parent to engage in sex. They must be ready to accept the consequences of their actions.

Pol_is_aware's avatar

@ohmyword ;)

@lisaj89 I don’t know if I can agree with waiting to engage in lovemaking until one is ready to birth a child. That kind of logic might have us waiting to drive until we’re ready to die in a horrible accident. Seat belts and condoms are great.

That being said, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin.

filmfann's avatar

This will sound corny, but you wait for it to be special.
A girl made it very clear to me in High School that she wanted me to take her cherry, and I didn’t, because I wanted to wait for that special relationship.
I was soon involved with a girl, and the relationship was very special, but we didn’t do it. The result was I was disillusioned, did it my next relationship, on a whim with someone I didn’t care about, and have regretted it since.

JustLeDouxIt's avatar

I don’t think there is a set age. Just whenever you are ready. If you’re not sure whether or not you’re ready, then you’re not. I was 15 when i first had sex. But i was with him for 2 years before we made the leap and we both were ready for it. I don’t regret it one bit even though i was very young. He’s dead now (due to a car accident) but we loved each other very much and i wouldn’t take it back if i could.

Malcrony's avatar

As hard a question as it is. my answer is simple. When you know how bad the situation would be if you mess up at it. You know you’re ready.

filmfann's avatar

@Malcrony Welcome to Fluther. Lurve.

Malcrony's avatar

@filmfann Thank You. So far it seems pretty cool

Zen's avatar

15 or 16.

My daughter: 30

Response moderated
QuartzKitty's avatar

Age is irrelevant. It is a matter of maturity. Whether they are 13 or 30, if someone is truly capable of understanding the emotional, psychological, and physical consequences that sex entails, then they are mature enough. If they are not capable, then they do not possess the required maturity.

A good rule of thumb I go by is that if someone has any doubts whatsoever about whether or not they are ready to have sex, then they are not ready.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

There is never too old to be a virgin, just too young to be an ex virgin. As for your question a girl should lose her virginity on her wedding night; or if she must give it up because of peer pressure or society after the age of majority (aka the law) of the land she lives in says so regardless of maturity etc; because that don’t factor anyhow. .

QuartzKitty's avatar

@ Hypocrisy_Central, Waiting until marriage is illogical. It’s committing to someone who you have no idea if you are sexually compatible with. That’s the kind of thing you need to find out BEFORE you make a serious commitment to them. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for the potential for severe disappointment and dissatisfaction, and creating possible problems in your marriage.

wundayatta's avatar

@QuartzKitty Some people think marriage is more important than sexual compatibility. They think a relationship is made of so much else that is more important, so that if you turn not to be sexually compatible, it shouldn’t be too big an issue. I’m not a person who says this. I will note that sometimes you are twenty years into a relationship before you find yourself at a place of incompatibility.

But what would you say to this idea that sex isn’t that important?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@QuartzKitty Waiting until marriage is illogical. It’s committing to someone who you have no idea if you are sexually compatible with. That is where a lot of discussion comes into play, just as you do with food, movies, pets, etc. Then when you are together you learn together, so then you are both on the same page.

QuartzKitty's avatar

@wundayatta While there indeed is more to a relationship than sex, nevertheless it is a major part of any serious relationship, thus sexual compatibility is essential for a healthy, long term relationship. And while some people may not consider sex to be that important to their marriage or other long term relationship, they are a minority, and any relationship expert will stress the importance of a healthy, active sex life to the long-term viability of a committed relationship.

wundayatta's avatar

@QuartzKitty I’m glad you feel that way.

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