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TieDyeTacos's avatar

How do you convince your parents to let you go on dates?

Asked by TieDyeTacos (41points) April 27th, 2009

I am fourteen years old, and i am a good kid. I never get in trouble, i have a girlfriend, and my parents dont seem to trust me enough to let me go on dates. Everyone else in my grade is allowed to date… HELP

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19 Answers

Likeradar's avatar

First, not everyone else in your grade is allowed to date. Oh my god. It just occurred to me that I am OLD.
Is your girlfriend allowed to come over and hang out at your house? What kind of dates do you want to go on? I don’t think I remember anyone actually dating before being old enough to drive, but maybe it’s different now…

eponymoushipster's avatar

tell them that if you don’t go on dates now, you’ll be 35 and live over their garage forever.
besides, you’re 14. don’t girls still have cooties at 14?

perhaps ask them if you can go to the mall or something, and your parents are somewhere in the mall, and you’re somewhere else.

also, have you asked them why they won’t let you? or are you assuming it’s that they don’t trust you?

nomtastic's avatar

have you tried asking them why not?? i mean, really holding their feet to the fire. i bet they’re afraid of something. find out what it is.

augustlan's avatar

My oldest daughter is 14. No way in hell is she going on a date, alone with a guy. Group dates would be allowed though. Have you tried that angle?

squirbel's avatar

Ask them to chaperon you and your girlfriend’s dates. Behave on those dates. After about 5, they might get tired of going, and may allow you to go by yourselves.

But your parents know you, and if they believe you are irresponsible, you might just be.

You need to work on gaining their trust, regardless.

YARNLADY's avatar

Set up a family meeting to talk to your parents about the guy you want to start seeing. Create a positive environment to begin the discussion and remain calm throughout the meeting.

Inform your parents about all of the positive characteristics of the guy. Make your parents understand what you find interesting about the guy and why you think he is intelligent and caring.

Set up a meeting with the potential boyfriend. If they meet him and feel impressed with his behavior, then they may allow you to date. It also helps if you can have the guy bring his parents to discuss the situation with your parents.

Allow your parents to give their input about dating. You are your parents pride and joy, and the only reason they would not want you to date is to protect you and your safety.

Remind your parents how responsible you are. Point out the positive relationships you have had with other people. Help them to remember the good judgment you have shown in the past.

Follow their rules. If they say you can’t spend time alone with a boyfriend, then don’t. Just invite him to your house. Their restrictions are meant to protect you and if you don’t follow their rules, they won’t allow you to have a boyfriend.

Accept a compromise with your parents. If they say you can only date in group situations, kindly accept this and take this as a starting point for your new relationship.

Don’t throw a tantrum if your parents say you can’t have a boyfriend. You just prove that you’re too young to handle dating. Don’t sneak around with a boyfriend. If you’re caught, you may end up punished and not allowed to have a boyfriend until you’re much older.

squirbel's avatar

she meant she/girlfriend

YARNLADY's avatar

@squirbel sorry for gender bias, please overlook

squirbel's avatar

Oh, I figured you read the question really fast – your wisdom is great!

cwilbur's avatar

I turned 18, myself.

tigran's avatar

why don’t you invite her over for some home made cookies and a movie? I’m sure having a guest at home would be fine with your parents. Then you might get away with a date elsewhere.

cak's avatar

Like @augustlan, at 14, my daughter was not allowed to date. There were a few “group” dates but no single dates. She’s 15 now, there is still no one-on-one dates; however, there have been some progress on both of our sides. We have allowed her to have a guy she likes over – they are “dating” but it is understood that no true dates until she is 16. We have allowed dances and a few school plays, they can go alone – but we drive them and if there is dinner or anything like that – we go, but we might not always sit with them; or, they can go with friends.

Have your parents been clear about dating rules? If they haven’t, ask them – but please, don’t approach it with an attitude! Be reasonable and just ask their reasoning behind the rule. We explained it to our daughter and she understands our reasoning.

Another thing that will always help, prove your trustworthiness. Be truthful, be respectful…follow the rules and try your best in school. It’s important for parents to see effort on behalf of the child. It’s incredibly important for the parent to be able to trust their child.

Just talk to them, really, generally parents don’t bite! :)

Dansedescygnes's avatar

Personally I don’t really see how you can have a true date at 14. I mean, you can’t drive, so your parents are going to be driving you everywhere. My brother went on a “date” at 14, but he mostly hung out with her with friends and they would take BART to downtown and such. I never understood why people were in such a hurry to date. It’s not like a small pseudo-date at age 14 is going to end being significant in your life. Not to sound cynical, but you know…

Anyway, whenever my parents tell me I’m not allowed to do something, I want to know why. I think everyone above me who said you should find out why is right. Parents and kids should understand each other. It shouldn’t just be parents giving out vague instructions and rules without explaining their reasoning behind them or the kids not understanding them.

libbinogurl's avatar

I know how you feel, Im 15 and my parents say I cant even have a BF till Im 18. I guess try to prove that you can be trusted and maybe they will loosen up :)

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Likeradar's avatar

@I know those words, but not in that order.

libbinogurl's avatar

Since answering this question my parents have allowed me to date after a long discussion about it with them. I am 16 now.
The conditions:
They have to approve of him, I cant go to his house unless one of his parents are home and visa versa.
They would ideally like to talk to his parent/parents to know about their view and thinking if that makes sense. and If i dont know the guy well, I have to go on a few group dates first.

jewellmason26's avatar

i understand your problem i am 13 almost 14 and my mom wont let me date either it sucks but there is a good reason because if something were to happen you would need to get away u should be able to drive….so wait till 16 its a good idea i mean just date and not go on dates

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