General Question

ohmyword's avatar

Do you have any experience being "the other woman", or "the other man" for that matter?

Asked by ohmyword (608points) April 27th, 2009

It’s messy, I know, I’ve been there. I was just curious about people’s experiences. It’s easy to say, “it’s not worth the pain it causes”, but for some people the time where it’s happy or decent is worth the pain. So, general discussion commence.

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19 Answers

augustlan's avatar

Once. When I was a teenager, I had a brief affair with a man whose child I babysat. He and the mother of the child weren’t married, but did live together and were a couple. I felt so awful about it that I called the whole thing off. I would never do such a thing now.

_bob's avatar

No, but I wouldn’t mind being Monica Bellucci‘s “other man”, since, apparently, she’s married to some French dude.

ohmyword's avatar

@bob_ psh, I would happily be her “other woman” as well

chicadelplaya's avatar

Not really. I never want to be someone else’s second choice, especially for any extended period of time. What a shitty place to be in. Just a recipe for heartbreak, in my opinion.

qashqai's avatar


I was working in Cayman and she was the girlfriend of one colleague of another firm working in London.
That was the connection.

Fortunately it was short.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

I could never..I wouldn’t want it done to me

veronasgirl's avatar

Yes, I was the other women, emotionally speaking, we talked on the phone everyday for hours at a time, he was my best friend. He broke up with his girlfriend for me, but I couldn’t deal with the guilt that I felt for causing it, so we were never together.

Les's avatar

Yes, the other woman. Twice. And for those of you who say you would never do it or it couldn’t happen, it can. Believe me, it can.
It is one of the most painful things you will ever go through in your life. The feeling of not really being good enough, but still being something the guy or girl wants to string along. And the worst part is, you can’t tell anybody about it. People don’t seem to understand it, and they’ll just jump the gun and judge you for trying to break up a relationship. The worst part is when the fling ends. The other person has someone else to turn to, but you have no one. It is absolutely horrible.

Darwin's avatar

Accidentally one time. He presented himself as available, but before things progressed very far I discovered he was married and had children. In addition, my animals hated him, so I broke things off immediately.

I found out later that he was a thoroughly nasty person who apparently was even involved in an unsolved murder in another town. Sociopaths can be very persuasive and can be successful for quite a while. Eventually his employer discovered his true personality just as I did and fired him. What was scary was that he worked for the Boy Scouts, running their summer camp.

Otherwise, I would never knowingly enter into a relationship where both of us weren’t completely and totally single.

casheroo's avatar

I’ve been the other woman a couple times. I’m not proud of it. I was young and stupid.

veronasgirl's avatar

@Les What you said really hits the nail on the head. No one ever feels sympathy for the other woman or other man, but they are the ones usually left with nothing.

Les's avatar

@veronasgirl : Yeah, unfortunately I consider myself somewhat of an expert when it comes to this topic. Sucks. Although I can say that both experiences only made me stronger in the long run, and that I will not allow myself to get “tricked” into such a situation again. I hate to use the word “tricked” because it implies some kind of ignorance on my part of what I was getting myself into, but that is usually how it goes. You get tricked into this false idea that the other person is on the brink of ending a relationship, and you decide to just hang around and wait for that to happen.

And just as another little tidbit of information: both of the times this happened to me, we were really good friends to start. That is the major problem with it. Your mind is telling you to get out while you can, but you don’t want to because it is a friend. And usually by the point your brain is telling you to run away, you are really good friends, if not best friends. It is very tricky.

veronasgirl's avatar

@Les Yeah in my experience, the guy became my best friend, and I was also good friends with his girlfriend. I spent most of my time mediating their fights (big mistake) and trying to be a good friend to both of them, while at the same time fighting the feelings I had for him. He finally admitted his feelings for me and broke up with my friend, and I told him I couldn’t do that to her, but not before she found out he dumped her for me, she screamed at me and told me she never wanted to speak to me again….they got back together a week later, and I lost my best friend.
I talked to him a couple weeks ago and he still claims to care about me, and wanted to be friends, I told him to talk to his girlfriend. Sometimes you just can’t win.

May2689's avatar

When I was younger, I went out a couple of times with a guy who had a girlfriend. I stopped it after I realized the damage I could potentially cause.

VS's avatar

@Les Like you, I fell for a married man and did not know until I was too deeply embroiled in the relationship that he was married. It did not end well, but that was the only time I ever let myself get roped into something that I did not have full knowledge and disclosure of before-hand.

Dorkgirl's avatar

Other woman when I was in my early 20s. He was very charming. The sex was amazing and I think it was enhanced by the danger of being caught. He said he and his wife were having problems, blah, blah, blah. I still don’t know if any of what he said was true. I did feel bad about it and was relieved when we ended things after a few months. I would never do it now but I can see how it can happen.

flameboi's avatar

oh yeah, it was sweet for 5 minutes, then it sucked!

alive's avatar

yes. him and i had dated but before ever really making anything “official” i moved away. we both dated other people, but whenever i was back in the area we usually slept together.

one time he was with someone else, and i knew it, but we continued our usual “thing”. don’t know if she ever found out, don’t know how long they were together or if they are still together…

but never [knowingly] in between a marriage! YIKES! not cool.

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