General Question

Lupin's avatar

Do you think the way the bride and groom feed each other wedding cake is an indicator of how long the marriage will last?

Asked by Lupin (4380points) April 29th, 2009

I have attended quite a few weddings and have wondered if there might be some indicator of whether the marriage will last or not. It seems like the bride’s and groom’s actions during the traditional “feeding of the cake” can be a sign.

If the couple treat each other with respect, eg. carefully cut small pieces and try not to get cake or frosting on their new spouse’s face or clothes, the union will last.
If one partner smashes the cake into the other’s face, that is a precursor to an abusive relationship down the road.
If they both do it, the union will not last.
On the surface, this is such a small, playful part of a wedding day. Do you think unconsciously, there is might be more to it? Both are under a lot of stress. The bride has been planning this event for months. She has spent hours and considerable expense on her clothes and makeup to be the most beautiful she can be. The couple is surrounded by long time friends and relatives. The new spouse is meeting many of them for first time. This day lays the foundation for the years ahead and they are surrounded by photographers recording the event for posterity. This is precisely the time when they most need each others’ trust and support. Do you think smearing cake and frosting onto each other face suggests the absence of both?
Are any statics available? What did you do, and how did it turn out?

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41 Answers

hug_of_war's avatar

I always thought it was more a personality thing.

casheroo's avatar

I don’t think there is really any deep connection to the marriage, and the way they feed each other cake.
But, by your process, my marriage will last forever as I fed my husband cake while he held our sleepy 13 month old.

eponymoushipster's avatar

yeah, it’s personality. it has nothing to do with longevity. the whole cake thing is supposed to indicate their readiness to care for one another.

Dog's avatar

Aww! Nice @casheroo!

It always bugs me when that happens.
It makes what should be a tender moment into a tacky “Jerry Springer” moment for the amusement of others.

Of course that is just my take on it.

Lupin's avatar

@casheroo That’s what I like to hear!

exitnirvana's avatar

The way I see it, if there was a lack of trust and support the wedding would not have occurred in the first place…so I don’t really see how the cake-feeding procedure would have anything to do with that, or the condemnation of the marriage (that depends entirely on the couple themselves). With the formalities of the wedding aside, I think the reception should be the place for fun, good times and celebration of the event, so why not have at it with the most expensive cake one will ever buy? But like everyone has already said, just depends on the personal choice of the couple :)

qualitycontrol's avatar

I have been to hundreds of weddings because I used to do catering. I’ve seen a lot of people do it many different ways, although I don’t know how long they have been together because I only see them for one night and then that’s it. I know personally if it was me, I’m known for being a person who jokes around a lot so this is something I would do, but not to my bride to be. Whether we will be together forever depends on the relationship itself. I think a lot of things are done subconsciously though so you may have something here. I would like to see some stats…

Lupin's avatar

We didn’t “smash” and we’ve been married for along time. I know of “playful’” couples who broke up after a few years. I wish there was some place to get data.
There is a database called the PAIR project that looks at marriage and divorce statistics as well as other factors including: income, age, education levels are all factors. Unfortunately they don’t include cake feeding.

wundayatta's avatar

If there is a relationship (which I doubt), maybe it works the other way around. People who mash have a sense of humor about the whole thing, and we know that it takes a lot of humor to make it through a marriage. The other people are too serious, and will not be able to make it through their problems.

autumn43's avatar

My husband and I fed each other our cake in a nice, boring way. I can’t even imagine having shoved it up his nose. We have been married for 22.5 years. There are days when I want to take cake and smush/smoosh it in his face now though. :0) the feeling is probably mutual = lasting love.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I don’t know if it’s any indication of the duration of a marriage, but I think if someone did that to me, it’s already be on the brink. I think it’s very childish & disrespectful. We certainly didn’t do it, but back then it wasn’t as popular as it is now.

@daloon…I see nothing humorous about it. Hair, make-up & fancy wedding attire are ruined. That’s no way to start out. There’s other ways to have a good time than to shove cake in someone’s face.

wundayatta's avatar

@jbfletcherfan: What one finds humorous is a matter of taste, and as you know, de Gustibus non disputatum est.

3or4monsters's avatar

Perhaps it works for others, but it would seriously piss me off if he did it to me. If he didn’t know that, therin lies the problem.

I don’t think he’d appreciate it, so I’m not going to do that.

Nimis's avatar

What about somewhere in the middle?
Wouldn’t have been a fan of cake smashing.
But I did get them in the nose with a dollop of frosting.

DeanV's avatar

I don’t think so. They will both get swine flu and die anyway.

filmfann's avatar

My best friend and his wife were careful.
My wife was civil, I was a smasher.
Both marriages currently in the 25 year range.

Lupin's avatar

@filmfann That’s the kind of stats I’m looking for. Thanks!
Hmmm…I wonder what your better half has to say about it.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

hmmm now you have me thinking twice about smashing that cake all over her face

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@Lupin If you want stats, we’ll be married 42 years come June. No cake smashing for us, as I said in my first post.

filmfann's avatar

So, I gave you the stats you’re looking for, yet I got no lurve.

Lupin's avatar

@filmfann There you go! Hey, did you like the question?

filmfann's avatar

Lurved it.

asmonet's avatar

I find it extremely weird that you paired abusive relationship with cake smashing. That’s a bit of a stretch, no? It’s a superstition like every other thing at a wedding, like throwing a bouquet, throwing the garter belt. No big.

I am not married but in my case I think your thoughts might prove true. If any boy tries to smash cake in my face on my wedding day he’s gonna get dick punched right there at the table. Maybe more than once.

I guess that qualifies as abusive at that point.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@asmonet i think the dick punching happens for the next 40–50 years.

filmfann's avatar

Okay, here is a long story about my wife and me.
My wife was hit by a drunk driver. She was unable to move her neck after the accident, and she was taken to the emergency room on a stretcher, with her hands and legs bound, and her neck strapped down.
When I got to the hospital, a good 45 minutes later, she was in the same position, and did not know what was happening. I told her I had to go find out, and she held my hand, begging me to stay. I comforted her for a couple of minutes, then told her I would go talk to a Doctor.
I found a nurse, and the nurse said my wife was fine; that this was all proceedure, and that she would be going home after X-rays.
I walked back into my wifes room, looked at the chart, sat on her bed, held her had, and said:
“Honey, do you know about Christopher Reeve?”
Well, she started laughing. Anyone else would have gone hysterical, or hit me, but she knew my sense of humor, and knew I wouldn’t make jokes if it were serious.
In short, she got me.
I think the wedding cake smash or not can be used by the others reaction to it. My wife laughed when I pushed cake up her nose.

charliecompany34's avatar

my first wife did that “smash the cake in his face” garbage. i did not like it at all. maybe she had watched too many movies, but it aint cute at all. guess that’s why she is no longer my wife. .

augustlan's avatar

I think it entirely depends on the people involved. If a spouse were to shove cake in the face of the other against their wishes, that would be a bad sign. If both parties are ok with it, in fact enjoying it, I don’t see how that could possibly affect their relationship.

First marriage: We were young and quite playful, so we smashed with abandon. We were married for 17 years. For the record, no cake was involved in the break-up. :)

Second marriage: Older and mellower, just a dab of icing on the nose. Four years, going strong.

filmfann's avatar

@augustlan as a question: How was your first marriage at 4 years? When did you realize it wasn’t going to work?

Knotmyday's avatar

Weddings are tacky to begin with. Why can’t we just co-habitate in peace and harmony? Don’t drag all these contracts into a natural thing, man. Live and love, love and live!

augustlan's avatar

@filmfann My first marriage was quite good for a very long time. I didn’t realize it wasn’t going to work until the last few years. We just grew in different ways, and became utterly incompatible. After trying very hard to make it work, we parted amicably.

Of course, four years is no indication of forever, but this marriage is very different than my first. There is practically zero ‘effort’, just love and acceptance.

Lupin's avatar

@asmonet You mentioned that you thought it was weird that I would pair cake smashing with abuse. I figure the wedding is when people are on display with every move being recorded and should be on their best behavior. If one person smashes cake into the face of the other in public, in front of all their family and friends, yep, that is a sign of abuse. It’s a data point for me. Sure there might be exceptions but it sure is not a sign of respect. As you said, you’d punch him in the dick – I am with you all the way on that one.
I just wish I had data…

qualitycontrol's avatar

I know what I will do… Feed her a little peace that grab some frosting with a finger and dab it on her little nose. Knowing her she’ll prob smash some cake in my face to reciprocate the affection.

Lupin's avatar

I saw a couple do the little bit of frosting on the nose. It was well done – cute and respectful. They even cleaned each other. I vote that one is going to last.
@qualitycontrol You should discuss it with her first so there are no surprises.
You wouldn’t want to get an Asmonet dick punch on your wedding day.

cak's avatar

First husband, careful – no cake smashing. Divorced.

Second, we were playful, but didn’t smash the cake, while feeding each other. There was a giggle and a hint of the possibility, but no smashing. That was the best of both worlds, for us. We’re still together, happy and more playful than ever before.

filmfann's avatar

@cak great answer! A couple should be able to play together!

cak's avatar

@filmfann Thanks! I agree. :)

asmonet's avatar

@Lupin: I can certainly see where you’re going with it, but to say that a cake smash is an indicator of abuse is no matter how you explain it, a very large jump to me. :)

Lupin's avatar

@asmonet Let’s see how you feel about it when the time comes. Oh wait! I just remembered ! Hey, my knees just slammed together automatically!

I like the playful touch on the nose best.

elijah's avatar

I gold my husband if he even attempted to smash cake it my face he would be served with divorce papers by midnight. I wanted a classy wedding, not a cafeteria food fight. I’m all about having fun and being silly but I think cake smashing is too cliché.

preggers's avatar

I think the way they treat eachother when (they think) no one is looking would be more indicative.

Wedding planning can be stressful. If you could somehow observe the behind-the-scenes of that process, it could probably tell you quite a bit.

Cake probably has more to do with personality—unless one party was unconsenting.

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