General Question

blaksquid's avatar

How do I go about this dilema?

Asked by blaksquid (71points) May 1st, 2009

My wife does not want to have sex, period. its been three freakn weeks. i’ve asked her repeatedly why, she says she hasn’t felt good, blah blah blah. because of my moral convictions, the idea of getting “it” somewhere else is not even a remote possibility. I’m so over the top horny, i can’t see straight. using “rosie” and her five sisters is cutting it. i can’t take it anymore. anyone else in the same boat as me?

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22 Answers

mattbrowne's avatar

If she doesn’t feel good you should remain patient. Do you know the reason why she’s not feeling good?

Dog's avatar

If she us tired try this approach:

Stop asking for sex.

Actively help her around the house without being asked and without trying to find a better way to do it.

This means laundry, dishes, etc.
IMPORTANT if you complain even once about doing the help it will nullify all efforts.

Allow her more time to relax and you will likely find her far more receptive to advances and maybe even horney. Watching a dude fold laundry is an aphrodesiac.

Pol_is_aware's avatar

Well, definitely don’t start making demands. I would say you could trick her into letting her guard down, and then try really hard to seduce her; The effort alone might turn her on.

gailcalled's avatar

Try charm, lose the word “horny,” masturbate if you truly “can’t take it any more,” ask her what she would like, say it with flowers, get glasses if you can’t see straight, and stop calling it “sex.”

( I have no idea what using “rosie and her five sisters” who are “cutting it” means.)

“Watching a dude fold laundry is an aphrodesiac.” Dog has it right.

Oh, and connect this issue to your last one here. “I’m in the dog house big time. Every time I get into an argument with my wife I yell and cuss. I have a hot temper .. a big problem for me. How do I get back in favor with her… I love her. Simply saying I’m sorry doesn’t mean anything to her now. I’m a huge ass… and… I accept full blame for my actions. So now I have to show her”

See any good ideas ^^?

cwilbur's avatar

The core of your problem is how well you listened when she said why she didn’t want to have sex: “she says she hasn’t felt good, blah blah blah.” If that’s how well you listen and understand, it’s no wonder you’re not having sex.

Ask her what’s wrong, and ask it like you really want to know. And when she tells you what’s wrong, fix it.

theartfuldodger's avatar

You are seeing her saying “I don’t feel good blah blah blah” as an excuse to not give you what you want.

Listen to her. Make the “blah blah blah” less “blah blah blah” and find out what’s happening with her. Fix it. And don’t fix it by talking her down, just do something.

dynamicduo's avatar

Masturbate to get rid of the immediate need, as that is clouding your rational train of thought.

Once you are a bit less pent up, approach your wife and ask her what’s wrong. Communication is key here, there must be a reason besides “she hasn’t felt good” for three weeks straight. If she doesn’t give you a reason or otherwise blows you off, well I would consider that to be a negative sign regarding your entire relationship – relationships are all about communication, compromise, and caring, a desire to avoid these signals to me that the person may not really be committed to the relationship.

From my experiences, I am much more willing to have sex when my partner puts in effort equal or greater than the effort I put in to maintaining the household. For instance, I am much less inclined to have sex after I have cleaned some rooms, done dishes, cleaned the floors, all the while watching my partner play video games on the couch.

casheroo's avatar

Definitely start helping around the house unprompted. Make little compliments to her, on how beautiful she looks, or that she smells nice…little things like that. Let her know you care, by taking care of her. Maybe she’ll start to feel better, and will be up to having sex.

blaksquid's avatar

thanks guys for the tips. i’ve done everything: mow the lawn, clean the dishes by hand, laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, I compliment her how beautiful she is. just frustrated and don’t know what else to do. I don’t even bring up sex unless we have a discussion about whats going on with her. going to go buy a blowup doll.

dynamicduo's avatar

I would strongly suggest couples counseling for the both of you, if you have any desire to resolve this situation to both people’s satisfaction. As I’ve said, communication is key in relationships, and if she is not communicating to you why she doesn’t want to engage in sexual relations (and constantly saying “I’m not in the mood” is not communicating at all), then there is a problem in your relationship beyond the fact that you two are not having sex. The lack of sex is a symptom of a greater problem, is what I’m trying to say.

theartfuldodger's avatar

Agreed, couples counseling is the best solution if she refuses to say what’s up.

Jeruba's avatar

@gailcalled, the answer to your second paragraph is in your first line.

hug_of_war's avatar

I feel like you’re missing the point. Those things are good, but if you discussed things with her and made her feel it’s because you care about her and not just because you want to have sex, she would probably react a lot better and open up.

augustlan's avatar

In addition to everything that’s already been said, does your wife seem depressed? Vague ‘not feeling well’ and lack of sex drive are common symptoms of depression.

Whatever the case may be, you two really need to have a good, sit-down talk. Approach this not in terms of getting your sexual needs met, but for the health and well-being of your wife and of your relationship in general. If your talk doesn’t find the answer, counseling is definitely in order.

Supacase's avatar

Maybe it would be a good idea not to bring it up when you two are talking about why she doesn’t feel good. She’s probably sick of hearing about it, which turns her off even more. Find out what is wrong, why/how is she feeling less than 100%? Try physical contact without going in for sex afterward – a footrub, cuddling on the couch, a nice hug. Once she trusts that she is the first thing on your mind, not sex, my bet is she will start to be more interested.

gailcalled's avatar

@jeruba; And you know this because? Is the expression yet another part of the common parlance that has rushed past me? Do I care?

augustlan's avatar

@gailcalled You never heard the expression ‘Rosie Palm’? See Jackson Browne for further education :)


But Rosie you’re all right—you wear my ring
When you hold me tight—Rosie that’s my thing
When you turn out the light—I’ve got to hand it to me
Looks like its me and you again tonight Rosie

gailcalled's avatar

@Auggie; I have now. How do you put a ring on a palm? And wouldn’t it be four fingers and a thumb? I do think that “I’ve got to hand it to me” is a funny line.

Jeruba's avatar

@gailcalled, because I have a mind disposed to see and read things metaphorically. All those years of studying poetry and literature and philosophy, don’t you know. Context clues, slangy style of the writer (slang being densely and deeply metaphorical), and the tipoff word “five” gave it away. The meaning quickly revealed itself. I didn’t know the expression beforehand, but I decipher aberrant English for a living.

Oh, yes, and because I remembered figuring out in high school that “rosy” was a word that often made the boys snicker, meaning that it was something dirty. Didn’t need to know much more than that.

gailcalled's avatar

@Jeruba: So Homer got there first? Rosy-fingered dawn takes on a new meaning.

cwilbur's avatar

@gailcalled: Um, morning wood?

gailcalled's avatar

I’m sure that’s what Homer had in mind. But shouldn’t you make it a hyphenated epithet?
Early-morning wood?

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