General Question

gimmedat's avatar

Would/have you induldged your child's fashion whims?

Asked by gimmedat (3938points) May 1st, 2009 from iPhone

My 11-year-old son is a skater, been a skater for three years, and is actually pretty decent. Part of the “skater culture” of late is wearing ridiculously tight jeans. Up until this point I have said no way, no how is my boy going to look like he’s wearing leggings. Then I got to thinking about my own fashion statements as an adolescent. Let me describe one of my favs: cut-off jean shorts, black fishnet stockings under the shorts, a concert T, and rounding that look out, high-top black Vans. That was a look I wish someone would have said,“No, you look ridiculous.” But, I rocked it. So my guy wants tight pants, do I give in or stick with not letting him look ridiculous? Have you or would you induldge your kid’s fashion desires?

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58 Answers

Likeradar's avatar

Is he a good kid? Kind, respectful, a decent student? If yes, let him wear is stupid pants, and take lots of pictures so he can laugh at himself later. :)

chyna's avatar

I don’t have kids, but all I can say is pick your battles. If it is just clothes, I don’t see a problem. Tats and earrings, maybe.

gimmedat's avatar

See, that’s the thing. He’s a really good kid, and I don’t really object to anything else he wears (SuperMouse would disagree, but I’m sticking with that). The tight jeans just really bug me.

seekingwolf's avatar

My mom let me where crazy coloured mis-matched clothes when I was a child. Tons of crazy hats, dangly plastic jewelry, you name it! I loved it! although I don’t dress that way anymore

I think as long as the child dresses age appropriately and doesn’t look like a prostit-tot, then it’s okay. :) It’s just them expressing their individuality and exploring!

Likeradar's avatar

@gimmedat Since you say he’s a good kid, let him wear the pants. Roll your eyes at him if you will, but he’s just a nice kid trying to fit in and express himself. And like @chyna said, pick your battles. He’ll be a teenager soon, and you have no idea what battles you’ll be facing then. They’re just pants.

Dansedescygnes's avatar

“Ridiculous” is in the eye of the beholder, though. This isn’t one of those things where you don’t want your son to wear a tutu because he’ll get made fun of at school, this is something that plenty of people do wear. I think they’re ridiculous too, but I don’t see myself disallowing my kid from wearing them if that’s what he wanted to wear. My idea of what’s good-looking shouldn’t be imposed on my child.

Darwin's avatar

As long as he or she has the various required bits covered and puts their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, I don’t mind. The only other limitation is that they need to be aware what is and isn’t dress code at school, and not insist on trying to test the limits.

My son loves those tight skater jeans, too, but because he is a bit hefty they look to me as if he can’t be comfortable. However, it’s his jeans and his…body parts that are being squeezed, so it isn’t my problem.

My kids both started off their education in a Montessori school, where they were encouraged very early on to dress themselves. We went with the program and so some strange outfits were created and worn. However silly we thought they looked we figured that it was their bodies and their look. We did take lots of pictures, though, to show spouses and offspring some day in the distant future.

justwannaknow's avatar

Tight pants sure beats those baggy things so many want to wear, leaving no doubt as to whether they are wearing boxers or briefs.

Supacase's avatar

Better than pants falling down past his rear. He may find the super tight to be not so comfortable anyway. Let him give them a try, but you can set some guidelines if you think there are certain places where they are inappropriate to wear.

YARNLADY's avatar

If he chose anything I did not agree with, I would make him pay for it, but yes, I probably would let him. My sons and grandsons don’t care what they wear, and barely even know what they have on.

gimmedat's avatar

I get what you all are saying. The pants just bug the crap out of me. I think I will compromise, little tighter than he normally wears, but not too tight that they’re leggings. I can’t bring myself to do that.

justwannaknow's avatar

Like was said earlier,“pick your battles” There will be plenty of them. However do not get in the habit of letting him have every new fad that comes along. It is a boulder you do not want to start rolling. Keep your parental controls in place and use them wisely.

elijah's avatar

Let him have his jeans! You may not like them, but like you said you wore crazy stuff too. Please don’t make fun of him. His style is who he is. Kids have a habit of taking things that you say jokingly and turning it into a sign of them not being good enough. He sounds like a great kid, why punish him by not letting him express himself? BTW my son was a skater for many years. He was always the smallest kid at the skate park, he would do the half pipe and everything :)

chyna's avatar

And he may find that really tight pants can’t be beneficial to skating. They may prohibit a lot of moves he wants to make.

TjHare's avatar

Since it’s a boy, yes. However I’d say for most cases:
No, young people don’t think for themselves. They don’t know how to think critically and analyze and weigh their decisions effectively. Infact some people (lots of people) never learn to do this, they create ideas through denial of how the world works. Sometimes if you don’t stop this train of thought from a young age it will be unsquelchable….Boys will be boys, but girls need to be protected by their parents. Once it’s over for them, it’s over. GG no RE. Atleast that’s my honost opinion (sexist I know) which definitely isn’t based on hate, or fear.

Darwin's avatar

Get him one pair of tight skater pants. He may very well on his own decide he won’t wear something like that ever again. Or he might like them but still make his bed, set the table, and do well in school.

Now if he wants to wear fishnets and heels you might have to talk to him about what impression he is giving.

gimmedat's avatar

I’m not buying them. He may earn the money and get them, but I’m not doing it, can’t. I’m not going to laugh at him, but I will take pictures, and laugh at those…right after I get them…as I’m previewing them…as I print them. Just kidding.

Likeradar's avatar

@TjHare Boys will be boys, but girls need to be protected?

Woah.

Dorkgirl's avatar

I had an issue with black tennis shoes when my son was little. They just bugged me and I did not think it was appropriate for a 7 year old to wear black sneakers. So, I banished them until I had the epiphany of “pick your battles” and I relented. He chose a pair of black Converse All Stars that I could be happy with.
Beyond my ridiculous bias to black tennies, I pretty much let my son drive his own fashion bus. He died his hair blue when he was around 10. He tried dreadlocks when he was about 12 or 13. He’s had it short and long—the only rule was clean and tidy.
He started buying his own clothes in middle school—I could not complain about his budget. The occasional $10—$20 for a trip to the Goodwill or Value Village. He chose women’s jeans ‘cause he liked them skinny. He has worn (and still wears) clothes from either gender. I recently purchased him a women’s Columbia rain jacket because he liked it (he’s 23 now).
So, yes, he’s had some interesting fashion choices, but he is who he is and has a unique style. He learned to be himself and to be happy with himself. He rarely followed others.
He still does stupid stuff to his hair—I think he shaved his head last week after a few months of a floppy, long “Mohawk”.
He showers, he doesn’t stink, he brushes his teeth and when he has hair it’s clean and tidy. What the hell.

casheroo's avatar

I will probably let my children dress how they please, as long as it’s appropriate..there will be lines that I will draw.
My parents let me wear whatever the heck I wanted, not too sure what they were thinking lol. I think they just wanted to please me, since I was going through depression.
I don’t see what the big deal is about tight jeans. I’m assuming they’re the “skinny jeans” that some skaters wear. They won’t hurt him, or anyone…so I’d let him have the jeans he wanted. This is a battle not worth fighting, IMO.

TjHare's avatar

@Likeradar havent you ever seen the dukes of hazzard lady. Rhetorical

Likeradar's avatar

@TjHare Yes… and?
So… the fictional character on that show who wears short shorts is your example of why girls need to be protected? That’s the best you got?

TjHare's avatar

No point in arguing with someone with something to prove.

augustlan's avatar

I say as long as all his bits are covered, it is within the school dress code, and won’t get him beaten to a pulp by bullies, let him wear whatever he wants. You and I grew up in the same era – I had some pretty crazy fashion choices myself – and we turned out ok, don’t you think?

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I’d be more supportive of tight pants than the ridiculously baggy pants. You cant hide weapons in tight tight pants.

knitfroggy's avatar

I’m all about self expression. I wear neon orange eye glasses and love them. I think kids should be able to wear what they want as long as it’s not offensive I’ve seen some crazy, hilarious, offensive t-shirts or as long as they’re not half naked which I’ve also seen a lot of Those skinny jeans are hideous, but if that’s the worst he wants, you should be glad! :)

asmonet's avatar

@TjHare: I can’t imagine you’ve had very many women in your life who would contradict your views, to be fair though, I suspect any worthwhile woman ran the hell away from you and your sexist bullshit. :)

Likeradar's avatar

@asmonet No point in arguing with someone who says blatantly ignorant and sexist things, tries to back them up with really lame “proof,” then backs out when called out on it…

asmonet's avatar

@Likeradar; True, but it’s so much fun. ;)

TjHare's avatar

good burn. When people get defensive over an opinion, they aren’t arguing for the sake of conversation. They need to prove something to themselves. So please, continue to let it strike a nerve and continue to punch back, but only if you absolutely need to. bow

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Please try to stay on topic folks.

andrew's avatar

Woah, he wants to look like a hipster and you don’t want him to? * Looks at own skinny skinny jeans *. Oh, no, I look ridiculous!

Seriously, though, there are a LOT worse trends he could be a part of—rejoice that he’s getting clued into culture now, keep an eye out to make sure he’s making his own decisions, and I think you’ll find you’re actually helping him develop important social cues.

bythebay's avatar

I grew up in a pretty conservative home, my Dad mowed the grass in nice pants and a collared shirt. I was never allowed to wear jeans to school (until 8th grade), and my mother cried when I begged for painters pants and white converse hi-tops in 9th grade! That said, I still indulged in my own style choices, knowing that ultimately my parents had the final say.

With my own kids there have also been firm rules; my son(14) is not allowed to have black t-shirts, I don’t want to see his underwear hanging out of his pants, nothing with skulls, etc. My daughter can’t wear those shorts in which ass cheeks hang out, if I can see her bra hooks or belly button -the shirt is too tight, no visible bra straps, etc.

Trends come and go and we’ve indulged in a few, as long as they’re not offensive and don’t exploit them or offend others. My kids rarely argue about clothes with us; they just know what we’re good with and they understand there are limits. What we have routinely said is “Don’t let your clothes define you.”, this has somehow made sense to them. They are both clothes horses and both got voted “best dressed” in school.

@gimmedat: I’m with you on the tight jeans boat; I despise them (sorry Andrew)! However, he’s only 11 and most things like that are fleeting. Maybe you can compromise on the color and the tight factor, and let him have a pair. But if you choose not to, that’s ok too; he’s your child not your friend. Once he makes his own money and gets a job, he can buy whatever he likes!

knitfroggy's avatar

@bythebay my friends stepdad didn’t even own a pair of jeans. I went by their house one day and there he was mowing in a pair of dress pants and a tie. It cracked me up! I don’t know that my dad owned any dress pants or a tie, so I thought that was the weirdest thing I’d ever seen

miasmom's avatar

My dad died of brain cancer 8 years ago, before he died he saw a kid at McDonalds with blue hair. He went up to the kid and told him he liked his hair. He told us later that he was realizing life is short and if it isn’t hurting someone else or indecent, then why not. So, give the kid some really tight jeans. And of course get some photos to reflect back on years later.

Supacase's avatar

@miasmom Yes, she should definitely take pictures. They will be great fun to show future girlfriends!

andrew's avatar

Mark my words you all, the will never be a time when we will look back on skinny jeans and think “what were we doing”.

Jeruba's avatar

The only time I ever limited my children’s choice of what to wear, once they were old enough to choose their own clothes, was to ask my son not to wear a slogan T-shirt for a family studio photograph. I would not have any objection to the jeans, and I would not call it indulging. I would call it respecting his taste and style.

If I had had a daughter who wanted to dress extremely immodestly, I might not have been so liberal, but I have not had to face that challenge.

With respect to hair, being a child of the sixties myself, I have always said they could wear their hair any way they wanted to. All I asked was that they have it cut for the style they wanted to wear. They started experimenting with their hair by the time they were 11 or so.

We have seen long, straight, curly, short, short with foot-long skinny tail, spiked, natural blond dyed black and dyed blue (fun to watch growing out!), and more. It was all fun. I enjoyed the variety and creativity. In time both sons have come to moderate and very handsome styles because they want to look nice without using hair to make a statement.

chyna's avatar

@andrew Get back to us in 15 years and let us know if you looked back at your skinny jeans with mortification.

gimmedat's avatar

My question @andrew, is how “skinny” are your jeans? Some of them just look painful. I can’t deal with that look.
I get what everyone’s saying – give him a chance with the jeans…and I will, against everything I love, I will let him have ‘em.

casheroo's avatar

In my mind, @andrew does not wear these sorts of skinny jeans but more like these skinny jeans @andrew‘s are brown though. this is just my imagination

chyna's avatar

@casheroo Not seeing much of a difference there.

casheroo's avatar

@chyna They aren’t skin tight they’re more relaxed Like Tom’s jeans in those pics. Those are definitely not the same as emo skinny jeans.

gimmedat's avatar

Uh, I didn’t see a difference. Some people look like an apple on a stick wearing skinny jeans. I’m hoping @andrew does not look like that. If he does, my Fluther imagination has been ruined. I like the idea of brown. Maybe that cool dark blue with some parts already faded. That works on @andrew in my Fluther world. Please, no Peter Pan tight jeans.

asmonet's avatar

@casheroo: I smell what you’e steppin’ in. And I totally agree. There’s a big difference in those two pairs of pants.

chyna's avatar

@asmonet My older eyes just doesn’t see it. Doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Dorkgirl's avatar

@casheroo a subtle distinction but I do see it. Not sure that distinction will make @gimmedat any more comfortable about letting her son make this choice.

asmonet's avatar

Yay, andrew is finally back.
Please sir, discuss your choice of pants.

casheroo's avatar

Yes, Andrew..are your pants brown? Tell me they are. I imagine you have them in an Olive color as well.

asmonet's avatar

Are they super tight? Or just fitted?

andrew's avatar

@casheroo I absolutely have a pair of skinny black hipster jeans—AND a pair of thsoe skinny-legged dark wash jeans that you linked to. Let me wait until my phone is charged and I’ll snap a photo.

Here they are: Totally a great idea in 15 years.

And yes, they’re borderline uncomfortably tight. They’d work a little better on a guy with a less athletic build, but still totally skin tight.

casheroo's avatar

@andrew My mind refuses to compute this. Those are not your legs. That’s like telling me you wear these because that may lead to this haha.
I just imagined you more like Michael Cera. I don’t know why.

asmonet's avatar

Those are fine, so long as you don’t buy them in lighter washes.
More importantly. I want your shoes.

augustlan's avatar

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew… don’t you ever want to have babies? Your poor bits must get squished!

But, if I were your mother, I’d totally let you wear them.

asmonet's avatar

Ahahahahahah squished bits.

gimmedat's avatar

The risk off squished bits is too high. Those pants are too tight. I’m sorry. I love Fluther.

SierraNichole's avatar

he will thank you for letting him express himself in the future. my dad has always let me wear what i want, to a certain extent and i am happy because he let me be myself even when i looked ridic.
he will grow out of it all of my male friends have

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