General Question

aviona's avatar

Why do I feel weird having a "pretty" Facebook picture?

Asked by aviona (3240points) May 2nd, 2009

Last weekend I went on a road trip and ended up having a sort of impromptu photo shoot in front of Mount Shasta because this guy had a really nice camera.

I’m really happy with how a lot of the photos turned out (especially with the mountain in the background). It’s the closest thing to modeling I’ve ever done. He took so many photos (!) and posted them on a Picasa album so I could see them all. He took some amazing group shots as well (mostly funny jumping ones).

Part of me wanted to make a Facebook album of some of my favorites (including the group shots). But when it came time to do it, I couldn’t. I also wanted to change my profile picture to one of the photos he took, but found myself unable to keep it as one of the really glamorous ones. I felt silly and narcissistic. I keep changing it back to either me making a really goofy face or me looking sort of plain and smiling. But the photos even have his signature in the bottom right-hand corner so it’s obvious that they’re semi-professional…what’s my deal? Why am I so insecure? I admitted to myself that I liked the photos!

EDIT: I was just about to post one here for you guys to see an example, but I feel embarrassed even doing that! And this is my haven!

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55 Answers

casheroo's avatar

I’ve seen some pretty outrageous photos on Facebook and Myspace. I’m sure if they’re artsy and nice pictures, no one will think anything like that of you.
Now, if you’re half naked and looking skanky, then I usually think people who post those sorts of pictures just want attention.

aviona's avatar

Ahaha @casheroo I’m definitely fully clothed. I think it’s the fact that my hair is blowing in the wind in a lot of them that I feel so ridiculous.

asmonet's avatar

No! Do it!
My sister does it all the time, because she is artsy and her friends tend to be too, sometimes a posed shot just deserves to be on display. I’ve seen your picture, you’re gorgeous, just post it and let the insecurities get washed away by the waves of compliments coming in.

aviona's avatar

It looks like a fucking Pantene ad is the problem.

But I appreciate the encouragement :)

Ugh. Fine. Here. Example. I am NOT fishing for compliments. Just so you guys get what I’m talking about when I say shampoo ad.

justwannaknow's avatar

Not a good idea. To many creeps out there. Besides ANYTHING posted to the net COULD come back and bite you in the a** regardless how innocent it seems.

Jude's avatar

You look gorgeous! But, I see what you’re saying. I probably wouldn’t put it up.

aviona's avatar

Well then, @justwannaknow, my current profile picture should scare them off!

Dansedescygnes's avatar

Oh come on, just use it. I think it looks amazing. Maybe I feel this way because I’m a photographer myself, but I think nice photos are meant to be displayed, including photos of yourself. I mean, I was a little embarrassed about posting my avatar picture because it’s a real professional studio photo (there are several others similar to it in the collection).

If it was me in that photo, I would put it up in a heartbeat. I know a girl who does modeling and she posts her photos on Facebook (including using some of them for profile photos) and everyone likes them and gives her positive comments about them. People say stuff like “I love this photo” or “you’re gorgeous”. And those are girls saying that.

aviona's avatar

Thanks @jmah & thanks for understanding.

Thanks @Dansedescygnes. I’ll see. Your avatar is funny haha. I love it.

Fucking Facebook. Dumbdumbdumb. I’m making too big a deal out of this I know it. But isn’t that what Fluther’s for?

casheroo's avatar

@aviona I seriously want your hair. I know I’ve commented on it before. My son has almost the exact same share of blonde. Do you dye yours at all? Doesn’t look like it. Totally cute pic, don’t worry about posting it!

aviona's avatar

Not dyed @casheroo & thanks.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@aviona: Don’t think of it as a semi-professional picture of you. Think of it as one of many pictures that document a great trip with good friends. It happens to be a very nice picture of you as well. Also, it does look incredibly artsy which makes it really cool.

It’s not like you’re one of those guys who takes shirtless pics of himself in the bathroom mirror. :P

aviona's avatar

Very true @KatawaGrey, I think we have enough of those in the world. It’s strange how that’s a type, like “those guys.”

aviona's avatar

Hmm. I’m still sitting here psychoanalyzing myself as I attempt to post the photo.

I am still inclined to put some sort of caption remarking on how silly and over the top the photo is.

Darwin's avatar

The photo isn’t silly or over the top. It is a very nice photo. Go ahead and post it.

Judi's avatar

If your facebook profile is private, go for it. If not, you’re just to pretty and the creeps might stalk you.
Edit:by the way, you “current” pic is one of those things that make us homely girls sick You’re pretty even when you’re TRYING to look ugly! ~

Facade's avatar

Oh wow! You’re so pretty! That’s a beautiful shot. I say leave it up :)

aviona's avatar

Thanks guys.

@Judi I have my profile privacy set so that “Only Friends” can see it. Is that private?

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Judi: But you’re so pretty! I remember your old profile pic and I can only hope I look that good when I’m your age. :)

Judi's avatar

@aviona ; yeah. @KatawaGrey; thanks, but I was a true ugly duckling when I was her age.

aprilsimnel's avatar

It’s very nice! Post the picture and don’t worry. Work it while you’ve got it, is what I say.

aviona's avatar

Haha thanks @aprilsimnel.

It’s up there right now and I feel really uncomfortable. Kind of like I’m having a panic attack.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@aviona i wouldn’t be embarrassed by that picture – you’re gorgeous and it’s a lot better than a myspace “butt shot” or some pucker-faced, downing a PBR camera phone picture.

and you’re gorgeous. me-ow. ;)

aviona's avatar

Hahah what’s a butt shot?!
Thanks for the kitty noises.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Nah, you’re beautiful and the pictures itself is also beautiful. Maybe you’ll be more comfortable using them if you focus on how much of a great time you had. :) The memories are worth remembering.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@aviona you know – they’re sticking their butt out at the camera, turned halfway around, puckering at the camera. it’s cliched. and 95% of those girls aren’t pretty. certainly not as much as you. me-ow again.

don’t be embarrassed, is what i’m saying.

EDIT: their butt is not puckering at the camera. they’re making pucker-faces!

aviona's avatar

Thanks for the advice @DrasticDreamer. That helps because it was a really good trip.

Good description @eponymoushipster. You’re funny.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Judi: I feel you, lady. Up until about a year and a half ago, I looked like a 12 year old boy. I got mistaken for one a little too often. But, hey, we’re pretty now! It’s the best revenge against all those mean people who picked on us!

figbash's avatar

No! Keep it up! I think it’s great and a hell of a lot more natural than many of the photos I see on Facebook and Myspace. There are so many shots of girls pouting, mugging, trying to replicate some scene from Vice magazine, or spending hours taking photos of themselves with the self-timer and then photoshopping them.

Plus, I know that I always appreciate a good, artistic, well-lit picture because they’re so hard to come by.

You can show that you don’t take yourself too seriously by putting a funny caption under the pic (..moments before the volcano blew and wiped out the entire town etc)

Likeradar's avatar

You look lovely! I was expecting a picture where it looks like you’re trying hard to look good, but this one it just looks like you’re a pretty girl caught by a good photographer. Post it proudly. :)

Jeruba's avatar

You can add it to our own fluther photo page and let us admire it to our heart’s content, and maybe choose a slightly less enviable one to post in front of your young crowd of peers.

If you do post it on Facebook, do not add a self-deprecating comment of any kind. Let it stand in its own sincerity.

augustlan's avatar

That’s a great shot of a happy, pretty girl. Own it!

Jack79's avatar

Nothing wrong with a nice pic aviona. The fact that you’re even thinking about the possibility of you being narcissistic, proves you’re not (unless you’re just saying all this to make us look).

You obviously have to always remember that whatever you put online (no matter where) is potentially public. 99% of the time nobody will see it, but a few years down the line and your husband will just happen to bump into those naked pics you took with your boyfriend last year. You won’t even remember the guy’s name, but your pics will be there, possibly uploaded by some guy who broke into his apartment 12 years later or something. (just yesterday I tidied up some old things and found 2 naked photos of a girl I dated 19 years ago). Anyway, that’s a general note.


Ok, so I looked. It’s just a nice pic of a pretty girl. It’s not obsene, it’s not too wild or extreme or anything else that might be in any way controversial. It looks quite natural, and the background is nice too. I don’t see the big fuss.

nikipedia's avatar

Beautiful picture :) Can you get your photographer friend to make the facebook album instead?

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Ohh man… your head is in the way.. I can’t see the rest of Mt Shasta! =)

Loved skiing there.

aviona's avatar

I suppose that would be a good solution @nikipedia but he already made a huuuuge album on Picasa, I wouldn’t ask him to do that. It’s alright. I’m just gonna suck it up.

Shutup @NaturalMineralWater. :P

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

It is insecurity. It’s drummed into people nowadays that beauty is shallow and “less than” even though just about everyone wants to look at it, buy it, touch it. Don’t confuse yourself with the reverse discrimination thing, post the pics and let those that will snark and those that will admire have at it. It’s you after all, pictures of you and if you’re beautiful then beam out and try as hard as you can to enjoy it because you obviously have more than just skin going on.

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

are you trying to attract someone?

asmonet's avatar

It’s damn good, and we might have to fight if you don’t put it up. Do it.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Id be more embarrassed your a member of Facebook than of that picture :P

Great shot, id use it.

also me-ow like epony said.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@uberbatman hey don’t steal my schtick with the hottie!! :)

El_Cadejo's avatar

i didnt want to steal, i thought maybe we could just share. Sharing is caring, it can be fun :P

aviona's avatar

Hah. Thanks guys. You’re funny.

Nimis's avatar

I can’t take glamour shots very seriously.
(Of myself or of other people.)

I don’t mind more artsy shots.
But while this shot was nicely done,
I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as artsy.

The funny thing is, I would probably post this picture
for the very reason why you’re thinking of not posting it.
I’m totally amused that it looks like a shampoo ad!

Very pretty, by the way!

Also, while it may seem less narcissistic to have less pictures;
it might be fun to include a few more from that same trip.
That way it’s less about look how great I look in this shot
and more about look how much fun we had taking photos. =)

aviona's avatar

I have a whole album from the trip actually @Nimis. But they’re photos from my camera. I posted a few more of the photos this guy took to my profile, some of which are less ridiculous and some outright goofy (referenced above).

I know what you mean about fewer photos = less narcissistic. And I agree, I wouldn’t exactly call it artsy. And I think I was partially inclined to post it for the fact that it is so funny and looks like a shampoo ad. Unfortunately I can’t think of anything funny enough to accompany it.

Nimis's avatar

Maybe update your status with:
Aviona is considering a career as a shampoo model.

eponymoushipster's avatar

or ”Aviona is me-ow.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Aviona is considering a career in cat shampoo?

aviona's avatar

I do kind of look like a lion…ahah.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Hahaha, with that great golden mane… :)

eponymoushipster's avatar

If i were king of the fooorreeessttt…

wundayatta's avatar

Oh, I think this issue is pretty tricky. I think that whoever spoke of insecurity was headed in the right direction, but it’s more subtle than that.

I don’t know if this is the case for Aviona, but for me, my self image doesn’t include the possibility of being good looking. Sometimes, in the secrecy of a dark closet, when I look in the mirror, I might think ‘that guy is pretty handsome!’ (The dark closet is metaphorical, btw).

However, if I admit to being good looking (and my kids are really gorgeous, so I must have contributed something), then I have to figure out why I couldn’t take advantage of it. If I am ugly, as the party line goes, then I can blame my failures in the area of relationships on that. Well, I can’t really say I’ve failed in relationships, either.

This is why it’s tricky. On some level, I do feel like a failure, and somehow this idea of failure is tied in with the notion of beauty. It’s kind of like that Britain’s Got Talent lady. She was so dowdy that no one could imagine her having that incredible voice.

If I’m good looking, then people expect me to behave like someone who is good looking. They expect me to have confidence and success. My self view does not include confidence and success. My self view is quite the opposite.

Part of that is my disease, but part of that is something that has always been with me. As long as I’m ugly, I dont have to feel bad about not being who I want to be. I’m ugly, after all. As if that explains it.

Deep inside me is a great sadness. I’ve missed out on a lot of something, I believe, because I’ve seen myself as ugly. I won’t share a picture with anyone, because I don’t want you to be able to say that I’m not ugly, just as Aviona was reluctant to share her pictures, and then warned us she wasn’t doing it to fish for compliments.

I’m probably projecting too much, but I wonder if Aviona has some kind of similar view. I feel a special connection with her because we both have the same brain disorder. I, too, think she’s gorgeous, and although I’ve told her this, it was very difficult for me to say it, because I have this belief that if I mention looks, people will think that’s all I’m interested in. One is supposed to like others for their personalities.

That’s the way it usually is on the internet, where we only have words. But when we have pictures, it changes things. We know people are more kindly inclined towards the beautiful. It’s hardly fair. Yet, for those of us who want to be appreciated for what it inside, not outside, it is important not to be seen. And, in my case, for people to believe I’m ugly. For that fits my personality, at least, as I see myself.

Oh well. I’ve again written to long, and probably this is mostly bullshit, and not really relevant, but I hope not. But there are other things about myself that I have to pretend are bad, lest I become responsible for being good.

Jack79's avatar

eh? what brain disorders? How come I missed that bit

@daloon, I think you’re reading too much into it, man. Isn’t it just possible that on a scale of 1 to 10 you’re somewhere around 6? Why do you either have to be absolutely stunning or disgustingly ugly? I haven’t seen your picture, but you’re probably average-looking, and that’s all. And since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you look better to some people that you do to others. I know I’ve personally been judged as anything between “ugly” and “gorgeous”, probably within the same day and wearing the same clothes.

But I don’t think that was the original question anyway, aviona already knows she’s beautiful, she just wants to know whether it’s a good idea to post her picture. So now we’re both off-topic.

wundayatta's avatar

@Jack79: I think you’re off track about what the topic is. Aviona’s not asking whether she should post the photos. She’s asking why she feels weird about posting the photos. I offered a possible explanation. I think my answer is right on target on that basis. The issue is not how she looks, but why she feels the way she does about how she looks.

You could be right about me reading too much into it. It’s not the first time anyone has said that, and it won’t be the last.

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