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elmo's avatar

My girlfriend and I are tight for money. She went and borrowed money from an ex boyfriend. Why do I feel funny about it?

Asked by elmo (4points) May 2nd, 2009
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

11 Answers

MrMontpetit's avatar

Do you feel like you aren’t enough of a provider for her and maybe she’d be better with her ex?

I’m not saying that, at all. I’ve been through the same thing, I’m just asking if that is how you feel. It’s okay, people go through hard times, you don’t need to feel bad about it. I hope all works out for the best,

augustlan's avatar

I probably wouldn’t be too comfortable with that either. However, it would depend on what their relationship is now… are they good friends? Are you and the ex also friends? How long ago were they a couple?

Was this the only option available to the two of you? If so, go ahead and feel funny about it, but grateful too.

Garebo's avatar

Probably, because you fear she still wants his attention, and she just may, but she also just may want to collect all the dough she had invested in the bum.

westy81585's avatar

Cuz of the thought that maybe she had to do certain things to get the money?

(like baking I mean…)

Jeruba's avatar

A debt is a relationship. The fact that she turned to him means there is some sort of continuing connection between them, which probably feels like a threat to you. Now she has incurred an obligation to him, which means that there will continue to be a relationship—one in which he is the person in power—until she pays him off. The fact that he has the means to provide and you don’t puts you at a real disadvantage.

But she is with you and not with him. It probably cost her something in pride to do that. She did it to keep the two of you going. I think she was unwise, but meant well, and I would not chastise her for it. I would say do your very best to rid yourselves of the debt as quickly as possible and then discourage her from relying on him for anything more.

Bagardbilla's avatar

I have concluded (from ample experience and evidence) that on Fluther There Is a way to recognize when a question has been answered ex cathedra
It usually is followed by ”@Jeruba” on bottom left…
so I know there is nothing further I can add…

Speranza's avatar

I can see why you feel uncomfortable but she did it for YOU TWO. Only you know what issues it’s raised in your mind. I think the first answer is probably correct – you feel belittled that you can’t provide at the moment. However, she is WITH YOU. And she told you about the money and where it came from. My only concern would have been if she’d gone behind your back – it sounds as though you have her trust and believe me, it doesn’t sound in any way as though she would prefer to be with him, which is perhaps a deep fear you may have.

justwannaknow's avatar

Because now she OWES him and he can use that against both of you. Her to show you are a “loser” that can not take care of her and you that he still has an attachment iwth her that youcan not control.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

Nice topic. You feel funny because she had to borrow money from her ex boyfriend, Anybody would feel the same, If you felt like it was something normal; That would be strange. I wouldn’t let it happen again, be more responsible.

Krag's avatar

How’s she paying him back????????

CMaz's avatar

Your girlfriend? Are you sure about that? You should feel funny. Because it is over between them.You are her man now. And, if she sees no issue with it then she is still connected to him. Or is she trying to compartmentize you both. You are the lover he is the provider of stuff. If you and what you both provide for one another is not enough then you need to evaluate her loyalty to you. Also, if you take the money. You are a wimp.

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