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bright_eyes00's avatar

Apparently I'm flirty and thats a problem, what do I do?

Asked by bright_eyes00 (1343points) May 3rd, 2009

I’ve known this guy for almost eight months now and I’ve, unfortunately and involuntarily, fallen in love with him. We’ve talked about us and I know he likes me a lot and wants to be with me. He thinks I flirt though because I like to talk to people and I smile a lot when I do. I know when I’m single and not interested in ONE person I flirt a lot with guys that I like but not like teasing or anything really bad, an innocent flirting. But I want to stop because it bothers this guy. Any advice?

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21 Answers

asmonet's avatar

It seems innocent on your part, he can either accept you as you are or not. Smiling and laughing with people isn’t flirting every time, sometimes you’re just being a nice person.

I wouldn’t change something just to have the chance to date a guy.

Allie's avatar

I agree to some extent with asmonet. There’s nothing wrong with being nice and friendly, but if you start to feel like it’s flirting there’s a good chance it is. You can tell the difference between flirting and being social. If you like the guy you’re talking about (or love him like you say you do), show him you can be respectful of him and that if you do get together you won’t be flirting with everyone you meet.

sjmc1989's avatar

I would definitely be careful with a guy that is hesitant to be with you just because of a little innocent talking and smiling I have been in a relationship that has started out very similar to that and the jealousy issues just progressed.

peedub's avatar

Stay how you are. I think it’s very cute. He should get over it. Many of my friends are flirty, mainly because they are friendly and social; it doesn’t mean they’re overly lascivious. How old is he?

Aethelwine's avatar

If you really like the guy, you will give him your attention. If you are seeking attention from someone else, you’re not into him. If he gets jealous because you are being friendly and talkative with someone else, that’s his problem.

phoenyx's avatar

You’ve “unfortunately and involuntarily, fallen in love with him”?! Too be honest, I’m feeling some sympathy for the guy. Don’t string him along if you aren’t that into him.

Edit: I guess I can understand those feelings, that statement just struck me as odd. Sounds like the guy needs more reassurance from you.

augustlan's avatar

Do the people you’re talking with and smiling at seem to think you’re flirting? If not, there is absolutely no problem, here, except in your love interest’s mind.

Even if you are flirty, it’s what you do that matters, not what people think you might do. Do you act on these flirtations? If not, and you’re happy the way you are, don’t change for any one.

cookieman's avatar

Only you know if you’re flirting or just being friendly. Slow down and pay attention to your actions – be a little self-aware. You’ll know.

Otherwise, stop by my house and chat me up. If my wife makes you dinner – you’re being friendly. If she knocks you on your ass – you’re being flirty.

bright_eyes00's avatar

@peedub He’s 24 years old and I’m 20, turning 21 this september.

bright_eyes00's avatar

@phoenyx The only reason i said unfortunately and involuntarily in love with him is because its been a rollercoaster for the past eight months. I didnt fall for him on purpose. We started out as just friends and then everyone started sayin i think you’re in love with him and the next thing i know i’m thinking the same thing. its only unfortunate because i hate loving someone who i cant be with because of the things he’s dealing with.

i cant give him possibly any more reassurance than i already do. i could prolly wear a sandwiche board that says in big bold red letters “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU OTHERWISE I WOULDNT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO WAIT FOR YOU TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND!”

mcbealer's avatar

it sounds like he’s gaming you, and then turning it around to make it seem like you’re the one who’s not whole-hearted

cyndyh's avatar

Drama is rarely worth it.

Lupin's avatar

You said mentioned:“I flirt a lot with guys that I like but not like teasing or anything really bad, an innocent flirting.”
Turn it around and imagine a guy doing what you do. Would it bother you? And what do you consider “not like teasing or anything really bad” . Maybe he considers it bad.

bright_eyes00's avatar

@Lupin i wrote “when i’m single and not interested in ONE person i flirt a lot with guys…”

i only said that to show that outside of interest i know i flirt. but when i’m trying to get with one guy i stop the flirting to date and then i’m just really sociable. not teasing and trying to get phone numbers just being nice and joking with friends. i wont go out of my way to make more guy friends or anything. i have a lot of guy friends at work, hard to avoid in the military. but thats all they are…just friends. i dont do the kiss one guy kiss another thing until someone claims me. when i’m actually interested in ONE person i cut ties with others. i dont think to be trying to get with one guy while macking on another is very fair.

Lupin's avatar

@bright_eyes00 But if he’s seen you in action before you were interested in him, he might suspect this is the norm for you and you might be best to avoid. “i have a lot of guy friends at work” Maybe he doesn’t like the competition or wants to keep his life simple by not having to worry about it. Think about how you would feel if he was in a job surrounded by women all day and flirted with them. Especially if you met him at work. After three months would you be worried when he went off to work?
In general I think a little flirting is ok and I do mean “a little”. You mentioned “i flirt a lot”.

bright_eyes00's avatar

@lupin – you’re right about the little flirting versus big flirting. i really have toned that down a whole bunch though because a couple months ago i noticed him getting jealous and all. no one at work knows we are anything more than friends. so i cant flirt openly with him like i would like to, like i do when we are alone. he doesnt want that added gossip at work and all. its hard not to but we keep our work lives separate.

thank you though i appreciate the advice :)

qashqai's avatar

Be yourself.
Explain him you are like this, and he does not need to worry about your way of interacting with other people because you are actually in love with him.
(and when you love someone you don’t flirt)

I know it may sound obvious, but sometimes making the obvious very clear between eachother will make you avoid countless and useless fights.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Jealousy is a negative emotion, and one that just creates more drama than is necessary. I know a woman that works with mostly men, and she is friendly and social, and her husband is so controlling that she isn’t allowed to have any friends that do not meet his approval. He even calls her everyday on her lunch break and also makes her drive straight home from work, and if she is even two minutes late, he loses it.

I don’t know why women even bother putting up with jerks like that. Sounds like this guy could become one of those types in the future. I’d avoid him, you can do better.

May2689's avatar

I have the same problem with my boyfriend. It turns out that all of my guy friends ended up falling in love with me because well, they thought I was flirting with them. This irritated my boyfriend so much I stopped being close to men ( I still have guy friends, but I dont go around all day calling them). As for new guys I meet, I try to only talk to them as little as possible and mention that Im seeing someones early in the conversation.

Judi's avatar

It is a part of your personality. In the long run you will be miserable if you change your personality for a guy. It just ain’t worth it.
edit: My husband and I both are flirts. We trust each other so it’s not an issue. We also use it to get great customer service. If we;re dealing with a guy I do the talking and if were’ dealing with a girl he does the talking. It works great for us.

Krag's avatar

I’d flirt with a cobra if I though I’d get some. I flirt all the time . It’s fun. Enjoy it.

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