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hondagirrlx's avatar

Why is he so confusing?

Asked by hondagirrlx (87points) May 4th, 2009

My husband can be so mean and confusing. He is always saying to me “You cant do the dishes?” “You cant do the laundry” Why cant you do this, why cant you do that? He says these things when Im either in the middle of doing them or have finished them. Its like he does this to make me look lazy or something and it pisses me off. We will be talking about something and if it starts an argument- I have learned not to raise my voice to him because it just escalates- he tells me to stop yelling at him when Im not even talking loudly! I can be whispering to him and hes telling me not to yell! Another thing he does to me is if I ask him if we can go out or if someone invites us somewhere he says we can go.. then I get all dressed up and ready to go and right before were supposed to leave and gets pissed and says he doesnt want to go with me anymore and makes a big fuss over nothing. Then I get all upset and hes more pissed at me because now Im upset and it just doesnt make any sense to me. What is causing this behavior? I know I am not perfect but it just seems like he picks these fights with me over nothing.. how can I stop this or can someone please explain this behavior to me?

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12 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

You can’t fix him.. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you married a dud.

Dog's avatar

And you are staying with him because?

He is venting all lifes frustrations on you. This is a form of abuse You need to stand up for yourself despite his yelling or it will just continue to get worse.

Get counselling and if he becomes dangerous get out and do not go back.

If you have health insurance look at the back of your card. Most have mental health coverage and they will help you.

Judi's avatar

Drama king. I don’t know the cure, but I feel for you. Could he be bi-polar?

qashqai's avatar

1) Go on holiday with your girlfriends for a week and leave him in the middle of dirty dishes and laundry.

2) When you dress up for going out and at the last second he says that he doesn’t want to go anymore just say ‘That’s no problem honey, since I already dressed up I’ll found someone else to go out with, have a nice evening at home, see you later.’

Leave him boiling over his weird and un-motivated reactions.

Judi's avatar

This could be the answer to This Question

jca's avatar

does he drink? it sounds like behavior of an alcoholic.

I am wondering why you tolerate such behavior. i used to go out with someone like that and i left him because that behavior gets tiring after a while.

you deserve better.

SeventhSense's avatar

Counseling- If he joins with you it’s a plus, but do it for yourself. Do not condone the behavior or accomodate it out of fear. If you are truly afraid physically leave immediately and employ help. If it’s just argument talk it out with a professional objective third party. Also he may be establishing distance for another reason- he may want out of the relationship. he may feel guilty for adultery or there might be a chemical depression.
Good Luck.

Supacase's avatar

It sounds like he is trying to manipulate and control you. I don’t know why or what his issues are. Just remember – this is about him, not you. It is not your fault he behaves like this.

skfinkel's avatar

This sounds like big trouble to me. Constantly picking fights, erratic behavior, blaming you for things. Since you married him, I presume you must love him. So, I would get to a marriage counselor.

You don’t mention having children, which, from what you are describing in this short note, would be a good thing. As much as I believe in working things out, without children, you have more flexibility. You really need to stand up and be strong, get help, don’t let him intimidate you.

Good luck.

basp's avatar

Your husband is being manipulative and (in my opinion) abusive.
I would also question if alcohol is a factor.
You can not change him. You can, however, change how you react to his behavior.
Get some counseling.

Dog's avatar

I want to add one more thing to the conversation.

If you let him treat you like a doormat he will.
Furthermore if he sees you as a doormat long enough you will bore him.
If you continue to accept his treatment he will very likely leave you for someone who interests him more.

Ironic isn’t it?

Alessandra's avatar

I don’t know how someone could be that butthurt. Jealousy, insecure, resentment? It could be anything. I would just ignore him until he realizes he shouldn’t be taking me for granted.if all else fails you know what u gotta do.

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