General Question

3or4monsters's avatar

Does affection lose potency when it is expressed too frequently?

Asked by 3or4monsters (3218points) May 4th, 2009

Do you prefer it sweet and distilled at infrequent intervals (gems are valuable because they are rare), or is a little bit every day more to your liking (water: it’s everywhere, but without it we quickly wither and die)?

Do you feel the same about emotional/verbal affection as you do about physical affection?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationships, and if I need to adjust the tap from one person to the next. :) I’m curious to find out the reasons behind why some would prefer one over the other, to hopefully see things from the POV of the people I might be presently affectionate towards. :)

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20 Answers

theartfuldodger's avatar

Have you ever read The Five Love Languages? It’s worth reading.

I know what you are talking about. I’m a very affectionate person. In the past, many of my beaus felt I was overbearing, and just too needy.

But now I’m married to a man who is just as affectionate, and our exchanges couldn’t come too often.

Zaku's avatar

I think it’s more involved than frequency diluting potency, and it depends on the people and more.

I imagine it could be that some people would respond to some expressions of affection less when they become more frequent, but I think it would be more about interpretations than a loss of potency.

ubersiren's avatar

I think if you switch up the type of affection once in a while. I mean there is such a thing as smothering.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m not so good with a lot of physical affection (non sex) so words are where it’s at for me and they do go a long way. If I get daily sprinklings, it’s like food without calories or allergic outbreaks :D

rooeytoo's avatar

I think there is a difference between neediness and affection.

I love a quick touch, a kiss on the head, an arm around my shoulder. But I don’t like the smothering, all over me type of constant touching, I find that controlling.

So to answer your question, I like it on a regular basis but not too much.

Wow that makes it pretty damned confusing doesn’t it!!!

theartfuldodger's avatar

@rooeytoo: No, it’s not confusing – that’s what both my husband and I are like. We kiss when we wake up, kiss before he goes to work, when he gets home, and intermittently during the rest of the day. [Like if I am on fluther in the office, and he is playing video games in the living room, he’ll visit me and give me a kiss, and vice versa].

When he comes home from work, I don’t really talk to him. I just sit next to him and rub his head [he loves that!]. And I make sure dinner is ready, and the house is clean. These are affectionate actions in my opinion. But there are those in the past who felt I was too overbearing.

Blondesjon's avatar

<insert oral sex quip here>

theartfuldodger's avatar

I meant his top head. :p

jessicar's avatar

Yeah I think its just a matter of finding the right person that enjoys the same amount of affection you do. If you find someone thats opposite of you they might think your to clingy or to distant. I have always been an affectionate person and think I might have finally met that person that enjoys that. Keep looking tell you find the right one.

wundayatta's avatar

There’s probably not enough affection in the world for me.

Blondesjon's avatar

@daloonThan you’re not processing it properly.

bright_eyes00's avatar

I need a little bit of a reassurance every once in a while. Its only because of my own self-doubting issues that i need to get over. The littlest of things work for me though. Like touching my back when passing, ruffling my hair while i sit on the couch and he walks by, even just rough housing occasionally by punching me and running away. the little things help. i dont need hugs and kisses every minute of the day but i’m not opposed to them either. i’m rather affectionate myself when it comes to the guy i’m with.

casheroo's avatar

I don’t like a lot of physical affection, but when I crave it..I need it. My husband can usually recognize this easily.
We do lots of little touches, just to express our affection…every day is different though.

augustlan's avatar

People do have different comfort zones when it comes to levels of affection. Do you need to adjust yourself to them? I don’t know… should they adjust themselves to you? It’s best if you can find someone whose need to receive matches your need to give, and vice versa. From personal experience, it’s a much nicer life if you don’t always have to second guess yourself, and temper your feelings and actions.

aviona's avatar

I would shower my exboyfriend in kisses and hugs when he came home (or any time really) and I’m thinking he grew immune to the affection, or, rather as you put it my affection became less potent because it was omnipresent.

So, yes, is my answer for now.

3or4monsters's avatar

My partner and I are well matched I think, though sometimes he needs more touch than I do. I can handle that, though.

How do people feel about casual friendships: Is there such a thing as a friend that is too affectionate? Not inappropriately, but just over-the-top?

augustlan's avatar

@3or4monsters Hmm. That’s a different kettle of fish. While I have never felt I had an overly affectionate friend, I know several guys who are not big on the whole hugging friends thing. I guess they would feel that the huggers are overly affectionate. In that case, if I sensed someone was uncomfortable with being hugged, I’d respect their ‘personal space’, and not do it again.

lukiarobecheck's avatar

I struggle with this myself. Every time I look at her, I am always taken back by the whole sight of her. I tell her constantly how she is the “cutest thing ever” I can’t help it. To me, she is the cutest thing ever.

Zaku's avatar

@3or4monsters – There can be a lot of affection in a casual friendship as long as there is clear communication about it.

Joybird's avatar

I’ve dated a great many men in my life and I’ve been married a long time. I will tell you honestly what I and a number of girlfriends have decided to be a fundamental truth…at least for us. Men who know how to be demonstratively affectionate without it being a prelude to sex in the moment are a delight to be with. A man who understands that concept of sexual priming through sexualized touch without attempting to move that to actual sex and who touches you with caring, love, liking and a joyousness to just be with you is very, very desirable. It is more common in some cultures like in Hispanic cultures and this could be why alot of women sigh when they talk about their Latino lovers. I had a very affectionate lover. It made me feel beautiful all the time even when we were apart. His willingness to convey how he felt towards me was like constantly tending a flowering plant. And yes he created a fullness in me like no one else I have ever known.
I have taken this awareness with me and noticed that it can be applied in various ways to all my relationships. This ability to convey in words, body language and touch that we have genuine positive regard for someone is like miracle grow in a relationship.

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