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lilyface's avatar

I need help with a shy guy I like...

Asked by lilyface (12points) December 15th, 2007

There’s this guy I like & we’ve talked in class a few times, & he always laughs at my jokes, & if everyone around us is talking, he seems more interested in what I’m saying. But he’s really shy, & the only gf he’s ever had was NOT the best looking, & everyone I’ve told says I look a lot better. I told my friend to tell him I liked him, & he let out a forced laugh & said, “why does she like me?” & he said he wouldn’t go out with me. Does anyone know why he reacted this way? He wasn’t like, turned off by it, but said he wouldn’t want to date me. I don’t know if I should just give up on him. :/

I hope no one’s annoyed by my question.
I know a lot of people probably ask annoying crap like this, but it’s bothered me since last night.

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10 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

Probably fear. He might think that you will (trade-up) when a cute dude asks you out.

I’m getting old, tell him why you like him and ask him out. Honesty usually works out well. It also sometimes results in embarrassment. Be prepared.

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

I agree with johnpowell, the only way to get anything done in relationships is with honesty. Having your friend ask about you was probably a mistake, and it caught him off guard. Go talk to him yourself, don’t use messengers. Tell him how you feel, ask how he feels. Then, just give it time.

ironhiway's avatar

Take advantage of the mistake of having your friend give him your message. Sounds like you may be a little shy also. I agree with John fear may have been part of his reaction. In addition to being shy he may have a low self esteem and this may cause him to think he may be uncomfortable going out with you. He may think he does not measure up to you. So answer his question “why does she like me?” Tell him the things about him that set him apart from other choices and do it gradually remember there may be some fear there. Tell him you would like to spend more time with him maybe go out as friends. Ask why he wouldn’t consider going out with you. If you can boost his confidence in himself you may get him to go out with you. Remember fear of failure often dictates people’s decisions even if the chance of failure seems minimal.

I used to be very shy and once I was asked by a girl if I would go steady with her. I was doing my paper route when I was asked and some of her friends were around. I said no. She was pretty and well liked but I didn’t know her that well. I responded out of self preservation not wanting to fail. Later I wished that I had given it a chance. Maybe he’s at least thinking about it, now that your friend brought it to his attention.

Don’t rush it but don’t give up either.

soethe6's avatar

To echo the above—and as a heavily traumatized ex-high-school-boy—I’d say he suspects the whole thing is some kind of cruel joke meant to make him look like an idiot by catching him professing care for you, at which point you say “Oh, please.” This, of course, would all be in his imagination. Don’t use a messenger. And if you want to do something very nice for the universe and all men in it, DON’T give up! It is so refreshing even to hear about a woman aggressively pursuing a guy, rather than the other way round. Be honest with him, but don’t expect just saying “I like you” to do the trick. Try to find ways to be alone with him. Tell him you want to take a walk with him or something. And then you don’t have to jump him or anything, just talk to make it plain that you really are interested. Bon chance!

lilyface's avatar

Thanks. :] This really helped a lot. I’m planning on talking to him about it Monday, because a lot of people agree with me thinking he thought it was a joke, or that he was just intimidated. But I appreciate all the answers, & I feel a lot better about this now.

Poser's avatar

Let us know how it turns out.

joli's avatar

It’s not what you look like, it’s how you relate to that special person. Be ahead of the crowd by not being judgmental with others on their physical attributes, or lack there of. Do the same for yourself! Just a suggestion.

warispeace's avatar

Be direct, but don’t put him on the spot. Say something like, “I enjoy talking to you. Let me know if you ever want to hang out together.”

punkrockworld's avatar

I just think he feels inferior to you. He probably things you’re this great, beautiful girl and wonders why you like him.
And love goes way beyond looks, its def more important what’s on the inside. He seems really nice. Just give it some time and see how it goes.
You might have to talk to him about this and just let him know that you like him and tell him that if he doesn’t like you he should tell you so you dont put your hopes up.
If he likes you, he’ll react and you’ll know;
Good luck!

gcross's avatar

Keep it low-key. After all, while you may feel attracted to him now, if it turns out he’s not your type, the letdown will be much harder for him than for someone not as shy.

Since you share a class, you might ask him to help you with homework or research or studying, maybe at a public library, but not one where your friends may see you. Maybe do a lunch thing. Of all the potentially stressful dating occassions, lunches are probably the least stressful, weekends second, evenings third, and movies or necking in one’s car the most stressful.

When I was in high school my first bf was the youngest of several brothers and immensely shy. Unfortunately, so was I. It took us six months to go from plain vanilla hand-holding to intertwining fingers. I think I got one peck on the cheek out of it. I took him home once but it was doomed to failure. We could sit in my bedroom with the door wide open or in the living room, with a totem pole of faces peeking around the corner to see what we were doing.

In the army in Germany, I was more self confident. I saw a man I felt was attractive and pursued him – feverishly. I finally landed him in my bed – and that was a major disappointment. He also came as a twosome, with his roommate tagging along. He was an even bigger disappointment. I felt humiliated and embarrassed and never spoke to either ever again.

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