General Question

Jude's avatar

How do you handle it when the person whom you are involved with says "I love you" first and for you, the feelings are not quite there (yet)?

Asked by Jude (32101points) May 8th, 2009
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

18 Answers

Jeruba's avatar

I would give him a beautiful smile and say “Thank you.”

arnbev959's avatar

“mmmmhmmm,” smooch.

Sariperana's avatar

Bahahahaha @petethepothead thats exactly what i do!

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

What I said was, “I’m getting caught up in this, I like it and want to see where it goes.” What happened was my SO complained to his friends he didn’t think I was on the same page and when I did feel sure of my own feelings, having held off to only give what was honest and true thinking it would be more appreciated than, “oh, I love you too”, he decided I waited too long to reciprocate and sent me along my way. Will I speak out faster next time? I don’t know, I still hold to my convictions and hope the next person will appreciate the seriousness and respect of my carefulness in regards to their emotions… and my own.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

I’m a victim of saying I love you and not having my partner say it back, He doesn’t really respond to it which sucks but then he says it jokingly, which also sucks because when I say it I mean it and to him it just seems to be a joke..I would say at least respect the fact your partner is choosing to say something so special to you and just be honest in saying you aren’t ready to say it back? I’ve decided not to say it to my partner again, until he’s ready to say it and mean it.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Personally, I like to take the Han Solo route by saying “I know”.

westy81585's avatar

I tend to hold off until i’m fairly certain the S/O shares those feelings.

If they say it before I do, I’ll let them know if I don’t feel that way yet or if I do….. As long as I like them and see the relationship going somewhere, I wouldn’t be put off by them reaching that point before me.

casheroo's avatar

I didn’t tell my DH I loved him when he first told me. He didn’t expect me to. I also didn’t say “Yes” when he asked me to marry him, right away. He let me know how he felt, you don’t have to say it back. I guess I got lucky, and the guy I’m with let me take things at my own pace.

ccbatx's avatar

Well if it already happened, then there’s not much you can do, unless you go back and explain that you just need more time to develop stronger feelings. If you know the person is going to say it to you, but you don’t return the feelings, just sit them down and tell him the same that you would if he already told you. That or the harder way, if you want to avoid it, is just interrupt them everytime they say something, ie (him: “I Lo—” you: ”—ve to go to the movies! Join me?”)

ru2bz46's avatar

When it’s happened to me, I told her honestly that this was still a new relationship, and I wanted to be sure I loved her before telling her so. She was actually fine with that and admitted that she tends to rush into things. When I thought I loved her, I told her so. Looking back, I don’t think I really meant it then, either, but I was young. I’d respond the same way today.

hug_of_war's avatar

Honesty is the best policy. If you want to get to the point of love, might as well build a relationship built upon the truth, even if it’s not a happy truth.

augustlan's avatar

In my younger days, I promptly broke up with them in most cases! I either A) thought it was way too soon for them to really feel that way and didn’t appreciate having smoke blown up my ass, or B) believed them, but knew I’d never feel it in return. I think if it happened to me now, and I wasn’t sure I’d never feel it in return, I’d tell them the truth: “Thank you. I hope you’ll understand that I’m not quite ready to say that yet.”

Bagardbilla's avatar

Why does there have to be a reply?
I mean one is professing ones feelings for the other, not demanding exact mutual feeling for one another?
Sure it would be nice if we did develop our relationships at the same rate, but somehow we are hurt or even angered when the other party doesn’t reply in kind…
—am I ranting?—
Yeah!

joybells34's avatar

Tell that person the truth. Better to tell that person now then to lead them on. Truth hurts.

lefteh's avatar

Strangely enough, the last time this happened to me, the conversation ended with me asking him out….

izzyrockz's avatar

This situation has happened to me a lot before. If you don’t feel the same, trust me don’t say you love the person back. You will regret it. The other person will start making all kind of illusions and you don’t want that. Just be honest with who ever the person is. Just be like that’s great you love me but my feelings are not quite there just yet, it will be soon that I will feel that way, but today is not that day im sorry.
That’s what I personally think you should do.

maybe_KB's avatar

Been there- done it…
I’ve always said “Thank You”
It totally works

VzzBzz's avatar

Tell the truth about how you feel, be fair and up front.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther