General Question

davoice's avatar

Should a middle age man date a women around the age of 25?

Asked by davoice (53points) December 20th, 2007
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16 Answers

GD_Kimble's avatar

If they “click” and there’s a genuine connection there… why not? I’d just make sure both parties’ wants/needs are compatible. It would seem that two people with that big of an age gap might be in very diferent places in their lives. However, there are plenty of examples all around of people making it work.

gailcalled's avatar

What is the age of the middle-aged man? There is a large range. Are the people involved looking for something permanent or just – what? – I hate to say “some fun” but can’t think of any other words.

The age gap often gets more difficult as both parties get older, but I have friends who have been married forever and happily to men who are about 10 years their senior.

joli's avatar

I personally feel from my own experience that an age difference of over 10 years is too much of a gap for me. I think it depends on what your current and future desires, life experience, etc. hold for you and the other person. My daugter’s Dad is 9 years older than me and he definately slipped in the door (heh) due to my inexperience and naivete. My last experience/relationship was with someone 12 years younger than me, and we consistantly misunderstood each other for that very reason. I also realized I was able to take advantage of him, at times, because of his inexperience.

extolsmith's avatar

If he can get younger?

The rule is: [.50 x (your age) + 7]

I dated a girl that was half my age plus five, but it did not work out, we share too little. Now I am happily married to a woman a year and a quarter my senior.

Emilyy's avatar

I think it depends on the individuals. I too have heard of the equation that extolsmith uses, but I think everyone has to decide what’s right for them. I’m 23 and in the past 6 months or so I have been on dates with two different guys who are both 35. With one, I had nothing in common, couldn’t stand him, and felt like our age difference was a huge factor in my disinterest and our inability to date. Recently, I’ve been casually seeing someone else who happens to be that same age, and I hardly notice our age difference most of the time. I find that I like being with him more than guys I’ve met who are my age, so I figure, why not go with it for a while and see where it leads.

I should mention that I’m mostly just thinking about our present-tense situation. Neither of us are looking to settle down, but I could see how it could cause a problem with two individuals of different ages if one person is ready to nest and the other wants to remain footloose and fancy free. But that happens with dating partners who are of a similar age as well. So I say, date who you have a connection with.

cwilbur's avatar

What matters is emotional age. If she’s a mature 25 and he’s a young 40something, it might work. You can’t judge these things on the numbers; it has to depend on the two people involved.

Is there an emotional connection? Are they both either ready to nest or looking to stay free? If you ignore the age, is the relationship a good one for both of them?

kevbo's avatar

That’s an argument that I’ve used—basically that there are no guarantees with someone your own age either.

In my experience, it greatly depends on where in life you are meeting, what you think you’ll learn/gain and what’s in your heart.

My gf is 15 years older, we’ve been together two and a half years, and I’ve never been happier in a relationship. From the beginning, though, she’s called this a temporary deal (which I’m happy not to push her on). I think both of us would say definitely better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

Modern_Classic's avatar

Shouldn’t the question be “should a 25 year old woman date a middle aged man?”

Jonsonite's avatar

I think the Half+Seven rule probably loses its urgency as the younger party approaches the late 20’s. I don’t think there are any moral concerns about dating a 25 year old, no matter how old you are. It just might not work out, is all.

joli's avatar

I think it can be a moral issue if either person is immature or dishonest, or not seeing the whole picture due to inexperience. I believe older individuals have a responsibility to protect and nourish our younger fellow-beings emotionally and intellectually, and I think that puts a twist on a sexual relationship because young people sometimes confuse sexual sharing for love for the other person. A young person might also be influenced into lifestyle choices they might later regret. I have a friend who is 48 and traipsing around with a very naive 23 year old. I don’t get it, but love happens. I would respect the situation if she’d tell him point-blank how old she is! If my own 23 year old daughter came home with someone my age I would be very suspicious of both their intentions. But then, she thinks it’s gross when middle-age men ask her out. Long term I think it’d be really sad to watch your lover wither and die while you’re still vibrant and healthy. Only true love lasts.

mrs.robbins's avatar

In my family I have one family member who is 15 years older than his wife, and another who is 17 years older than his wife. In the first case, they were 20 and 35 when they married, and in the second, 27 and 44. In both cases the the marriages are still humming along after more than 30 years. HOWEVER—it has been hard on the women, especially as they are currently both in their 50s and still going strong and their husbands are in their 70s and in some cases experiencing major health issues. Children were also an issue—in the former case the dad was 52 when his youngest child was born—his wife would have liked to have more children but he felt he was just getting too old. So, there are issues to consider for a long-term relationship, especially if you are considering children. I also have two very good friends where she is 25 years younger than he is and she did the pursuing (I think he found the age difference . . unseeemly) but as she didn’t have a problem with it, she didn’t see why she should. She wants children and he feels he is too old, so not sure how this will resolve itself.

SO—IMHO I think it really depends on the situation. Each relationship is a unique entity based on all kinds of different factors. Obviously an older man taking advantage of a younger woman has some serious karmic issues and the same is equally true for a younger woman taking advantage of an older man—morally I think the same rules apply in any relationship no matter what the age difference, and it has been my experience that truly what goes around comes around. And love, true love—well, that really changes everything anyway, doesn’t it!

syz's avatar

I have found that when the initial attraction wears off, the differences in attitudes, experience, and interests become insurmountable.

howbecome's avatar

I don’t believe there is anything “wrong” with it. The issue as noted is fit.

As a simple point of reference, consider what you were like at 25 and what you are now like 20 or so years hence. Those are likely two very different people. And yet they are both you.

extolsmith's avatar

I was listening to a podcast, possible WSJ This Morning, and a report was read about a survey taken of women, stating 70% would marry for money and 70% would marry expecting to devorce.

*statistics pulled straight my arse.

htopm's avatar

I am currently dating a young lady 20 years my junior. She is very mature for her age in many ways and I, well, just the opposite I suppose. One of the biggest problems for me to overcome has been my own self consciousness about my age. I still feel a bit out of place at social events with her friends despite the fact most of them have accepted me as her boyfriend and their friend. Some never will.

I was married previously, for 10 years to someone closer to my age, with whom I am still close. We had no children and in discussing the dating process with my ex wife we have found that we have some of the same issues. Not having had children, neither of us has much in common with people in the forty year old dating scene. I have none of the experience of raising a child and certainly none of the scheduling problems that having a child at home causes. I also find it interesting that many of these divorced mothers still feel they are entitled to a very handsome and well off gentleman with a nice car and his own law firm.

My current girlfriend, like me, is non materialistic, a true outdoors person, and very active and athletic (although she can run rigs around me). She has no problem with the age difference. Her parents, who I am closer to in age, while probably not as happy as they could be, trust their daughters judgment and are happy to see her happy. I am leaving tomorrow to spend the holidays with her family.

The main problem I see for the future is the health issue and that of my own self consciousness. I have already shown changes for the worse and while it doesn’t bother her now I can see how it could become a problem. There will be fewer century rides and class IV-V whitewater runs for me in the future. For now, I can’t really complain much.

Short answer: Yes.

ladycrimson's avatar

Only if it is someone that truly feels a connection to. . .a connection that would exist regardless of her age. I am 25 and happily engaged to a 49 year old man. We have been together for 2—soon to be 3 years. We have lots of things in common (we like the same music, television shows, etc.) and value family. Most of our conversations last for hours, we always enjoy stimulating conversations, jokes, and just being in each other’s presence.
He is the love of my life and I look forward to growing and experiencing life with him, raising a family, and a future filled with unending, unconditional love.
There are people that I went to highschool with who married someone our age and are now widowed, there are older women in my family who married men their age and lost them unexpectedly. Life is uncertain and there are no guaruntees about what “forever” will be. I consider it a privilege for one to have the opportunity to care for & nurture an aging mate (whether their age or older). In a day and age of illness, disease, disability—age is not necessarily the best indicator of who will be the “caregiver” and the “cared for”.
So basically: Yes!!! Live your life & love with all your heart! A broken heart is better than a heart that is numb. For a numb heart feels nothing, a broken heart has experienced love at it’s fullest, it’s best, and worst. . .and it can be healed in time!
As for people that may look at you disapprovingly: Remember that IT’s your life not theirs. Who care about society standards and rules. . .they have not exactly contributed to the success of marriages/relationships!

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