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Dansedescygnes's avatar

Have you ever really needed to tell someone something, but you just couldn’t do it?

Asked by Dansedescygnes (2881points) May 11th, 2009

So what’s stopping you?

I came SO CLOSE to telling my mom that I’m gay today. She knows, too. But she wants to hear it from me; she wants me to tell her. I guess I didn’t do it this time because my brother was with me and I don’t know…it makes me feel embarrassed. This is what she said to me: “You haven’t said anything about who you’re attracted to in the past 17 years but obviously, unless you’re actually asexual, you’ve been attracted to either male or female or both?” and I said “yes” and then she said “well, I have an idea, but you better tell me before you go to college”.

And then she kind of looked at me and said “Dominic…you secretive dude…”

I just couldn’t say it; I just get so embarrassed. But I’m going to before college, probably not long after I graduate from high school.

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16 Answers

knitfroggy's avatar

I really don’t have advice to offer on this subject, but good luck in telling your mother.

Dansedescygnes's avatar

Well, I wasn’t just talking about me. I’m curious to know if anyone else has had experience with this kind of thing, doesn’t have to be about about coming out.

Ownage's avatar

Ya I should have told my neighbor that I was the one who smashed all his car windows, slashed his tires, and keyed his car. I coulden’t do it though? I don’t know why….

ubersiren's avatar

Sometimes I wish I could tell my husband that I had a miscarriage when I was 20. I stop myself because I like having a secret that’s all mine. I don’t think it would matter to him anyway.

It sounds like your mom is well prepared to hear it from your mouth that you are gay. Why not tell her?

Ownage's avatar

@Dansedescygnes Wow just read that. Thats ummm, really gay dude…

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

That’s a bombshell for most families.
Before delivering news that could be construed as a bombshell, I always ask “Who does this benefit? Is this more for me or for the people I’m telling?”

ubersiren's avatar

@Ownage : What the crap, are you picking on a fellow jelly?

chyna's avatar

@Dansedescygnes I’m sure you know this, but you probably just blew the best opportunity you may ever have to talk to your mom about this.

Dansedescygnes's avatar


Nah, I’m sure she’ll be asking again. One thing’s for sure that I will be telling my parents before I go to college and my mom knows that. For when I actually do it, I just don’t want my brother around. He’ll obviously find out, but I don’t want him there when I actually have to say it.

chyna's avatar

@Dansedescygnes From what you said, she is already aware, just wants you to say the words. She sounds like a cool mom.

SuperMouse's avatar

Yes, I have had this experience many, many times. There are certain things in my past that I have wanted to share with my man, but I have a really hard time coming out with. Like you, it is usually because I am embarrassed. I had an especially hard time telling him that I am bi-polar. I finally came clean with him even though it was tough. It turned out fine, he asked questions (still does every now and then), but accepted it and was glad to know the information.

Judging from what you say your mom has said, I don’t think she is going to think this is something you should be embarrassed about. This is your news to share, and if you are more comfortable sharing it without your brother around, that is totally your prerogative. You’ll tell her when you are ready, just be patient and the moment will present itself.

Ownage's avatar

@uberseiren my B dude

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

A relative of mine who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s starved himself to death in his nursing home. He had told me he would do it and I promised not to tell anyone. After he died, a particular person was suffering with grief and questions and I wanted to tell to bring them some closure or relief. To this day I don’t know if they begrudge me or not, we don’t bring that part up.

From what you share, I believe your mother is open to receiving your truth well and is giving you the green light to go ahead when you’re ready. You’re very lucky.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I haven’t needed to tell someone something, but I’ve wanted to. At times I did, others I didn’t. It all depends on what you want to live with alone and why or why not you think you do or don’t deserve to share it with people.

Your mom sounds great, you’re very lucky. Own who you are and try not to be embarrassed about who that person is. :)

knitfroggy's avatar

I didn’t want to tell my mom when I was pregnant with my son. I had a lot of complications after I had my daughter. The way my mom tells it, I about died i was no where near death…she’s just dramatic She spent three years telling me not to ever have anymore kids or I would die. So, I didn’t tell her for the longest time when I got pregnant with my son. I was close to six months before I told her-I had to tell her, I was really, really starting to show. I didn’t want to listen to her worry for months and scare me. But she was ok when I did tell her. As a bonus, I didn’t have any complications the second time.

YARNLADY's avatar

It could help if you would search for a support group of “how I revealed my secret” and find how others have done it.

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