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ragingloli's avatar

What is your favourite scary short story that are also funny? Post it here.

Asked by ragingloli (46114points) May 11th, 2009

Tales of creature that eats children that are not loyal to Motherland are told to young comrades at bed time. As child I seek out this creature and find it in local cave outside village.

I scold creature for wasting labor as KGB does more then efficient job. Creature deported to munitions factory.
Such is life in Moscow.

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8 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

Another one.

Walking home one night, you notice all the candles in personal shack are lit.
You finish vodka bottle as you approach your door.
House is empty, and you made sure not to feed guard dog, but candles still go out.
You check your pocket watch, small hand on 4, big hand on 1. You relise you’ll be late for unpaid community service.
At service, you find letter on floor. It’s signed to you, from you. You open the letter, confused.
Inside reads “the out for watch watch”
You look at pocket watch. big hand on 4, little hand on one. You look at note again, it appears the 4th and 1st words have swapped places.
“Watch out for the watch.”
You look at pocket watch again.

You realise watch is broken, and decide you must get it fixed. You also decide to cut back on vodka, so as to not send letters to yourself anymore.
Such is life in mother Russia.

Jude's avatar

Yesterday, I felt as though I had come across 3 trolls. It was funny, yet, scurry at the same time..

ragingloli's avatar

“Father, I had a bad dream”

You take a sip of vodka and roll over. You stare at the clocktower on Sobornaya Square it’s 3:23. “Go back to sleep, there is work tomorrow.”
“No, Father.”
The familiar warm buzz of vodka starts to sink in. You can barely make out your daughter’s pale form in the darkness. “Why is that, devochka moya?”
“Because in my dream, when I was about to go back to sleep, the thing wearing Mother’s skin sat up.”
You pause, and face your daughter and look at her intensely. The figure behind you begins to stir.

“Don’t talk that way about your brother, it is not his fault we have no money for coats. Such is life in Moscow.”

MacBean's avatar

Counting From Ten by Michael Montoure

It cracks me up, anyway…

rooeytoo's avatar

One night last week, I was on my way to bed and noticed a giant cockroach
on the wall, it looked right at me as I walked by and I thought I am not going to take that one on, it is
too bloody big! I just ignored it and went on to bed, the bedroom is way down the hall so I hoped
I would be safe. Wouldn’t you know the next night, the same thing happened that cockie
was sitting in the same spot and gave me the same cocky look as I passed by and then
when it happened the 3rd night in a row, I came to the conclusion the thing must live
in my house and at some point in time would probably visit the bedroom. I thought
I am an independent woman, I can deal with this, so I found the can of spray and
sneaked up behind it, bloody thing must have heard me coming, it turned around
and I swear it looked me in the eye! I didn’t know what to do, but I thought it had
really pushed me too far, 3 nights in a row, so I took aim and sprayed, instead of
falling dead, it leaped off the wall and tried to attack me! I ran like hell, down the
hall, finally I turned around and looked and it was sort of limping off towards the
living room, I slowly started back up the hall, it disappeared around the corner,
so I crept on up and peeked around the corner and there it was staring at me
again, but this time it took off in the opposite direction so I pursued my advantage
and went after it spraying like mad, the dogs were following close behind and
we were all wheezing and choking on the fumes from the spray, but the roach
was still going strong, looking back over its shoulder and occasionally turning
around and taking a few steps in my direction, of course each time it did that
I turned around and started to run, immediately falling and tripping over the dogs.
This went on the whole way up the other hall to the living room, advance and
spray, retreat and cough and sputter. I was really starting to feel badly about
the whole thing, why couldn’t it just die and get it over with, the staggering was
getting worse and it was slowing down but just wouldn’t give up and cark it!
By now the entire house reeks of the spray and the dogs and I could barely
breathe or see, finally it ran under a table and didn’t come out. Just to be sure
I held the can out as far away from myself as I could and sprayed until the can
was practically empty. I figured nothing could survive that. By this time though
I was once again wide awake so it was no use going to bed, but I couldn’t stay
in that end of the house because the dogs and I were all choking and coughing.
Finally we went out and sat
on the front verandah and swatted mozzies! What a night, I had such guilt
feelings, why hadn’t I just picked the thing up and tossed it outside, but no
way I was getting close enough to pick or flick that thing, It had tried to
attack me! I still feel badly though, it kept looking accusingly into my eyes the
whole time I was spraying. Next morning I told Ian the story and made him
get it out from under the table and throw it outside so once again all is calm
in our house. The only problem is, he says the season for them to come
out in force is not yet upon us! I just know all its rellies live in the walls
of my house and they will all come out to avenge their mates death as soon
as the wet starts!

Jeruba's avatar

GA, @rooeytoo, and bonus points for realism.

rooeytoo's avatar

Thank you, the cockroaches here are huge and do inspire awe and outright fear in me!

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