General Question

lisaj89's avatar

What do you do if the guy will not make the first move?

Asked by lisaj89 (720points) May 12th, 2009

There’s this guy at work who is really shy. When I say Hi to him he always says hi back and gets a goofy grin on his face. Sometimes when I’m working I’ll glance up and notice him looking in my direction. When he sees me looking he always looks down real quick. It’s really cute, he gets really clumsy when he walks in front of where I’m working. The thing is, this has been going on for about three months and he’s never said anything but hi. He seems like a really nice person and is super cute. However,I have this weird thing about the guy having to make the first move. I guess it’s a fear of rejection. What should I do?

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14 Answers

Mtl_zack's avatar

He’s nervous. You should probably go first. Maybe he’s just a really shy guy and no matter how much you nudge him he won’t take the plunge. I used to be like that. I say, just dive in because, from your description, he obviously likes you.

wundayatta's avatar

Write him a note that says “if you ask me out, I’ll say yes. I’m serious.”

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

This behavior is cute for a few weeks but if he hasn’t asked you out yet after 3 months then he’s probably not going to and it could be for the following:
* he likes you but has someone else going on
* if he doesn’t know you well, he might think you’ve got someone else going on
* if he’s an adult man over 21 then he’s very socially awkward with women, eek

What would I do with that guy? Nothing, I’d pass.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

Sounds annoying, imagine dating him..

tinyfaery's avatar

What means more to you, a possible romantic encounter or the possibility of being rejected?

lisaj89's avatar

I don’t think he’s socially awkward. He talks to other people in his department. Annoying, really? I think it’s cute! And, no, he’s not over 21. I’d say he’s probably 19 and could see him being sheltered as a kid. I’m just excited to hear that he probably likes me!

Palindrome's avatar

the same exact thing happened to me.
except a different setting.
come to find out, i liked him, he didn’t like me.
i got my friend to be the middle person, and she said that he would rather be “friends”?
but what i didn’t understand was why would he look over at me, if he didn’t like me?
it was weird. you should one day maybe try an actual conversation, see what happens.

SeventhSense's avatar

He has to be the one to rise to the occasion. Give him hints but don’t be too agressive. Let him raise his confidence level.

funky_princess's avatar

@SeventhSense I totally agree with you, he needs to raise his confidence for himself with just a little nudge from other people. Once he knows you like him then his confidence will instantly shooot up! Just try having a long conversation with him and flirt a little so he knows you like him.

bright_eyes00's avatar

Dont do anything! Dating at work is bad mojo! Trust me. I’m currently in love with a co-worker who doesnt want a thing to do with me so it’s like getting my heart cut out every time i have to work with him. we’ve been doing this dosey-doe for almost seven months or so and it only gets worse. please, take advice from someone who really messed up. dating at work is no good. but that’s just my advice from my personal mistakes. maybe things would work out for you and whatever you decide i wish you the best of luck

dynamicduo's avatar

Take the reigns in your hand, my friend. Go and ask him out yourself. Ignore your need for men to make the first move, it’s old world and it won’t get you what you want, so what benefit does it serve!! Just do it casually, and don’t ask him on a date, say something like, “Hey, would you like to go out for coffee sometime? I’d love to keep talking about [Subject you are talking about]”. Of course, this assumes you two have talked beforehand, which is not clear from your description. If you haven’t talked, then go over there and introduce yourself.

Seize the day. Life is too short to hang around waiting for others to read your mind. Express yourself and make your life the way you want it to be.

lisaj89's avatar

bright eyes00, Dating at my job is no big deal. I work at my campus bookstore, so it’s very casual and nobody plans to be there for long. Also, he makes deliveries so he’s not always in the store.
Thanks for the advice everybody!

bright_eyes00's avatar

@lisaj89 Great! That makes it better. I’m thinking about my job and the previous one where i didnt learn my lesson. Worked at a a casino as a cashier in a restaurant and my boyfriend was a busser thats how i got the job and then he left me. now i’m in the military and i’m pretty much stuck here with this guy for the next two years….ugh….well i hope everything works out for you. good luck!

SeventhSense's avatar

I would actually say a little physical wouldn’t be bad such as lingering arm touching below the shoulder. The long conversations are good but that can be a little confusing too. A long but appropriate touch really makes it hit home. And if he’s completely freaked and recoils like he’s just been burnt, then you are probably best to just back off because he’s not ready.
I would also add that office romances are bad news in general and unless you have completely different schedules and work on opposite sides of a building it’s probably a bad idea. Not to mention, in this PC age in which we live, things can get awkward if boundaries are crossed.
just noted the ^delivery thing^. I’d say all systems go
Palm reading? It’s worked for me, and I’m a guy.

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