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purplelow's avatar

Why do guys think its okay to hook up with girls right after they break up?

Asked by purplelow (25points) May 14th, 2009

So me and my ex-boyfriend just recently broke up and i started talking to this new kid after like a week we just texted and talked… My ex found out and got really pissed and called me and told me how he couldnt believe i was over him already and it made him think that he didn’t mean anything to me… then he decided to have sex with this random girl a week after we broke up. My brother ended up telling me what happened and i called my ex and freaked out.. my ex acted like he hadn’t done anything wrong and that it didn’t matter because we already broke up. Now i have no respect for him anymore as my friend. Am i wrong?

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22 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Seems like he’s a giant hypocrite and an insecure one at that
best enjoy your singledom now

_bob's avatar

Yes, you are. Time to move on.

spresto's avatar

Well since you are his ex what he does is really not any of your business anymore. I’d learn to deal and move on. He can have an orgy; it should’nt mean a thing to you. He is, afterall, your EX.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

Because they never think they’re wrong, and he just wants you to feel bad, don’t pay him attention.

jrpowell's avatar

Because it is OK to do that. He used her to get over you. I’m old and a bit of a dick but I think he did you a favor. Now you can move on.

spresto's avatar

@johnpowell Well said, more power to the guy.

@Lothloriengaladriel I agree with you. Also, if he would immediately turn around and do that it would be a good sign that he is probably an asshole and should not be considered anymore.

tinyfaery's avatar

single=free to be with whomever you choose.

You have no say.

RareDenver's avatar

It kind of is okay and trust me, it’s not just guys!!

spresto's avatar

Yeah, I had an ex that whored herself out after two weeks. It happens on both sides of the fence.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It sounds like he is having trouble moving on. That’s not your problem. If he continues to act this way, you may have to remind him you’re broken up.

As for guys hooking up with freshly broken up girls, it happens a lot. It’s not the best way to get into a new relationship but there’s nothing wrong with dating someone new after you just broke up. I don’t find any ethical problems with it but it’s not exactly a recipe for a successful relationship either.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Personally, the issue for me would be that he was a huge hypocrite. He got angry at you for talking to another guy and then turned around and had sex with another girl. You’re not wrong for feeling weird about his hypocrisy but because you two are broken up, you can’t really tell him how mad you are about him sleeping with a random girl. As @Simone_De_Beauvoir said, enjoy being single! There’s nothing wrong a little no-strings-attached fun. Hell, there’s probably nothing wrong with a lot of no-strings-attached fun.

Disc2021's avatar

Well he sounds like a hypocrite for yelling at you afterward about the guy you were talking to when he’s around screwing girls (depending on when exactly this happend). If he found out you were talking to some guy and THEN did what he did – then I can understand his behavior but I can’t justify it.

To be honest, it sounds like both of you were a little insensitive to each others feelings afterward. Perhaps he has also lost his respect for you when he heard you were talking to someone else? Of course he took the bigger extreme by having sex with someone, but that doesn’t make either of you more right or wrong.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

More than one man has told me he feels the best way to get over one person is to get under another so I tried it out for myself, not too shabby.

cwilbur's avatar

He had no standing to be upset when you were interested in another guy. (Although, to be sure, if you were chasing other guys after less than a week, you probably didn’t have all that much invested in your ex.) And you have no standing to be upset when he has sex with another girl.

You’re broken up. Separated. You have relinquished any claim you had on the other’s time, affection, and genitals. Get over it and move on.

westy81585's avatar

I personally have a lot of trouble doing anything with other girls shortly after a break up. I broke up with a girl like half a year ago, and over the course of the next 2–3 months I tried to put myself out there, but found myself thinking of her… and even in situations where I was ABOUT to get laid, found myself unable to follow through. That may just be me though. The idea of hooking up with someone makes you feel better only a small amount, and afterwards I find that I’m actually more missing the person who I’m trying to get over.

On the other hand, as much as it is pretty irritating and stupid that he’s doing this already, since you are no longer a couple you not in so much of an “allowed to get angry” situation.

You could tell him he over-reacted to you just talking to another guy (it’s only normal, heck I flirt with other girls WHEN I’m with someone). And tell him that you care about him too much to see him go out and just sleep around with random girls and hurt himself like that.

(Me thinks there’s a little bit of getting over it that needs to be done on both sides… unless maybe this cues the getting back together :O )

Aethelwine's avatar

Because they can?

He’s not “yours” anymore. Sad but true.

Knotmyday's avatar

Well, you broke up. You are not together anymore. You have no say in what he does, who he does it with, or when he does it.

If you want to be his friend, you might want to start being happy for him and his moments of pleasure in his “life after you.”

Or move on.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Is everyone ignoring the fact that purplelow mentioned some hypocrisy that went on?

wundayatta's avatar

You kids! When I was a youngun, breaking up meant breaking up. No more talking. No more ownership of the other. Nothing to say to them.

Nowadays you break up, but you aren’t really broken up, because it’s like the relationship is still going and you’re only taking a little me time. Everything is so complicated. I mean, you hook up, and that’s just sex, and so none of the rules apply, except no hookup sex if you’re with someone else. Is this a double standard or what? Sigh. I hope my daughter doesn’t end up in this maelstrom of uncertainty.

cwilbur's avatar

@KatawaGrey: so he’s a hypocrite. She broke up with him, presumably for good reasons, and now she has one more.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@cwilbur: I just got the impression from the question that she was freaking out because of his astounding amount of hypocrisy. I’m guessing that my interpretation is different from everyone else’s.

purplelow's avatar

@cwilbur i understand where you are coming from thanks for the advice

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