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missjena's avatar

What do you do if a guy says he wants to be affectionate and hook up but?

Asked by missjena (918points) May 14th, 2009

This question is about my bestfriend. THis guy she has been seeing (theyve known eachother for many years) said “i want to hold hands, hug, kiss, grope, u know but i dont want a relationship right now but maybe eventually we can be together see where it goes”. Now I told her well he just basically said out loud what dating really is. I mean when anyone meets someone they never know where it is going to go so he was being honest with her.

He went through a rough year last year getting divorced. (similar to my situation haha) and she said she understands why he wouldntw ant to jump into anything and she doesnt either. SHe was upset though that it was said out loud because now she doesnt know what to do. any suggestions? is there potential since hes being honest or u think hes just in it for friends with benefits?

Should she just have fun and see where it goes? He treats her good n pays for her and they hold hands and stuff. he calls her almost everyday….

do you think she should just go with it shes over analyzing it? He also said he doesnt want her to see anyone else…. hes obviously interested in her more than friends right

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15 Answers

Dog's avatar

If he says he is not interested in a relationship but she wants a relationship she should not get involved with him. He is still hurting from a divorce and may take years to be ready to have a relationship again.

I do not think she is over analyzing at all. She needs to trust her inner instincts.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Like Dog says, it’s more important your friend knows what she wants from this particular guy. Would she be okay with him being just an occasional companion while keeping open to someone else who’d offer her more interest? He’s already put his cards on the table which is a good thing.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

I would say if you can get him to agree to exclusivity… go for it.

In that way it would be all but an actual relationship. It would assure she wasn’t just being used, but at the same time wouldn’t completely link him into a relationship.

Basically they’d be dating, but not “officially” dating.

missjena's avatar

Well this is the thing. When you first meet someone you hangout and go on dates etc. The fact is he just said out loud what is obvious, its that they don tknow where it is going to go. He said yeah eventually if it is all going well than they will be boyfriend and girlfriend. THe thing that gets me is if he just wants a friends with benefits type of this why would he care if she saw anyone else?

DarkScribe's avatar

It is all a part of life and those “benefits” go both ways. When not in a committed relationship there is nothing wrong in being in a fun relationship. Most people have quite a series of sexual relationships before finding a fully committed one on both sides. As for not wanting her to see other guys, that is just more than likely just possessiveness, not a probable future commitment possibility. Let it happen.

missjena's avatar

Before people are in a committed relationship isnt this what they do though? He just said it out loud.

chyna's avatar

@missjena You keep saying that, he just said it out loud. Are you just wanting us to confirm that you are correct? Why not just let whatever may happen happen and be there for your friend if it doesn’t work out.

missjena's avatar

She just wanted your thoughts on that.

BookReader's avatar

…i would ask my mom or dad for their advice, some authority figure in my life, not strangers- especially if i was a child…

…my mom was great at giving me advice…

missjena's avatar

Isn’t that what this website is for? Maybe you shouldn’t have joined then. I’m asking for my friend she doesn’t live with her parents. That was annoying.

veronasgirl's avatar

What I don’t understand is if he is willing to participate in all of the usual “dating” activities and acknowledges this, and admits that if things go well it could develop into a relationship, then why not just call it dating? I would understand if he said that he wanted to take it slow, but that’s not what he said. He wants the benefits of a relationship without the complications of a relationship. I think your friend should probably concentrate on taking it slow with this guy and being friends first.

elijah's avatar

It’s called “seeing someone”. There is no commitment to a relationship. It leaves him and your friend open to seeing other people. He doesn’t want a commitment. If your friend is happy with being a “girlfriend” without the title or benefits then she should stay with him. I don’t see where the problem understanding this is. He wants the fun parts but not the responsible parts.

missjena's avatar

He said he doesn’t think they should seeanyone else and he doesn’t want get seeing anyone else.

chyna's avatar

So is the issue just in the wording? He doesn’t want to say they are dating, yet they are by all accounts because he isn’t seeing anyone else, she isn’t seeing anyone else.

missjena's avatar

he recently got out of a 6 yr relationship I’m sure that has something to do with it.

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