General Question

Ranimi23's avatar

If you love someone that ended a long relationship and afraid and not sure about you, would you wait for him?

Asked by Ranimi23 (1914points) May 15th, 2009

I love this girl I meet two month ago, I really care and feeling love for her and thinking she is the one I was waiting for, but… She ended a seven years of a long relationship just about half a year. I asked her out but she is not giving me an answer, just saying she likes me very much and she need more time to think.

I don’t know how much time I can keep on being only her good friend. I do like her and think she is the one but it is hard. In other situation we already probably be engaged. Whould you wait or not? life are passing by and who knows what will happen.

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22 Answers

DarkScribe's avatar

You don’t really have any options – if you really love her you will wait, if not then it wasn’t real love. Sometimes waiting can be well worth while, she needs time to be sure – give her that time.

Bagardbilla's avatar

Wait for her, be her friend, get to know her.
In the long run being her friend, respecting her wishes, and taking your time will mean more to her then anything else. If she’s the One, being her friend IS developing a relationship.

wundayatta's avatar

If you really want to maintain that feeling of being the lover, and that anxiety and tension that comes with it, then, by all means, wait for him or her (you use both pronouns in your question, so I’m not really sure what your gender is). However, if you want someone who can be with you, then move on. Personally, I’d go for the unrequited love scenario, but I’m a glutton for punishment.

GoPhillies's avatar

If you truly think she is worth it. As she needs time to think, you may also need sometime to think is it worth waiting. I have been with my girlfriend since i was in high school. In our case she was not coming out from a previous relationship, but always had her guard up when it came to guys. I waited and gave her the time she needed. Now we are happier then ever and i wouldnt change a thing. My advice would be to think long and hard about your current happiness. Because waiting for someone at times can be very worth it. However if she is stringing you along for a while now I would say to become less attached because leading someone on is not healthy for that person. Hope this helps. But be sure to think about your happiness.

cak's avatar

Personally, I think you need to slow down. If she is not answering, there just might be a reason. Has she given you any true sign that she is interested in you, or is she just not answering your question, directly…meaning, she’s just leaving it open ended, but never really answering yes or no. If she’s just leaving it hanging, with no true answer, she might be trying to avoid answering your question because she doesn’t want to date you.

Are you two good friends? Do you hang out together or is this more casual? Do you actually spend time with her? If you’ve only know her for two months, who well do you truly know her and know enough about her to think she is the one?

You might be hung up on someone that doesn’t share the same feelings. I think you might want to examine that possibility and really think things over.

Edited to add: Okay, I just read over your other questions and your last one says you are going out with a girl that got hurt by her last boyfriend. So are you already dating this girl or you are trying to ask her out. All of your questions seem to be focused on this one girl, I get the impression you are not dating her yet. One question says you are already going out and this one implies that you are trying to go out with her.

knitfroggy's avatar

Is this the same girl from the gym that you asked out and never answered or is this a different one that won’t answer…I’m so confused.

cak's avatar

@knitfroggy- I’m with you. He keeps asking about a girl. Each scenario is a bit different. I need a flow chart to keep up with this!

knitfroggy's avatar

@cak I know…by my count it seems there are about three, but I can’t tell…If you get your hands on a flow chart of this these situation, lemme know! :)

cak's avatar

@knitfroggy that’s a deal!

skfinkel's avatar

I agree with @DarkScribe @Bagardbilla @GoPhillies : If you think this is the girl for you, of course you will wait for her. However, it is not easy to know if this is love if you don’t have a relationship with her yet—you haven’t gone through any of the things that two people go through that make a relationship “love.” And to talk about being engaged to her at this point doesn’t make sense. She is telling you she is not ready. So, just wait and see what happens.

cwilbur's avatar

She’s given you an answer: she’s not interested in dating you right now.

Given that you’ve known each other for two months and you haven’t actually been on a date, I suspect that you’re more in love with the thought of her, and you really don’t have enough information to even make an educated guess about whether she’s the one for you. My advice is to move on with your life; if she really is the one for you, that will reveal itself in time, and if she’s already said no, nothing’s to be gained by hovering around her like a lost puppy.

Further, sanity check: you’ve known her for two months, and you’re saying that in other circumstances, you’d probably already be engaged. For your sake, and the sake of anyone you date, I hope those other circumstances include having met at least a year ago and having dated for at least a year.

chyna's avatar

@cak flowchart, ehehe

chicadelplaya's avatar

Seven years is a long time. She will probably not be ready for anything serious for a while. I would work on a friendship with her first, and if you do truly love her you will be patient. If she eventually comes around and wants to establish something more with you, then it will be worth the wait. I don’t think you should push her because you will likely push her away. Friends first is always a good thing. Good luck!

ccbatx's avatar

If it were me in the position, I would tell the person that they can have me or leave me, and I wouldn’t wait, unless that person was going to war or something. That’s not to say that’s the right thing to do, that’s just what I would do. Then again, I’m stubborn=P

ccbatx's avatar

…and impatient=)

cak's avatar

@chyna I’m such a dork! I’ve spelled that word a million times. :)

chyna's avatar

@cak No, I wasn’t talking of the spelling, it was the thought of having a flow chart to keep up with this guys girlfriend/girlfriends that I was laughing at.

cak's avatar

@chyna – ah! I see. Can you tell I am not quite with it? I need sleep!

bright_eyes00's avatar

I am currently in that boat (as you know Ranimi23). I love him and I am waiting even though he has told me there is no chance. His actions are saying otherwise though and if it were any other person i would be able to walk away. Its not healthy and its not right that I’ve put myself on hold like this for someone who has vocally denied even giving me a shot but I truly love him and have given in to the fact. If he were to get involved with someone else I could move on but as it stands he hasnt and his the way he acts and treats me would suggest that he wants something with me. I dont want to see that happen to you where its eight months later and you’re still going “maybe if i wait a little longer…” I would hate for you to go through that too. I’m sorry things are the way they are.

tanay2035's avatar

I would rather want to win him back.

deadhead's avatar

No! A waste of time when so much has been invested in the relationship.Move on to someone who will apprecriciate you as a person.

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