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SuperMouse's avatar

Should I tell him about the meds (or lack thereof)? (See details)

Asked by SuperMouse (30785points) May 15th, 2009

Yesterday my man and I had quite the discussion. I got upset and he got upset and we ended up parting on pretty awful terms. On the way home I realized that for the past week I hadn’t made it to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. I’ve mentioned before here that I have bi-polar 2 and even though I thought I was doing pretty well without them, the lack of meds might have had something to do with my reaction. If I tell him, it sounds like I’m blaming something for my own actions and not taking responsibility, plus it might freak him out about the whole “bi-polar thing” (he does know about the bi-polar). If I don’t tell him he thinks I am some kind of oddball weirdo, has no idea why things went so far south and that odds are good it wouldn’t have happened had I been on meds. Do I tell him or do I just try to move on from here?

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19 Answers

asmonet's avatar

I see no problem with being honest about your medical needs and how they might affect your relationship. As long as you don’t use language that blames the meds solely for your actions, there shouldn’t be a problem.

shilolo's avatar

To me, it depends on the intensity of the argument, and what it was about. All couples fight in relationships, and eventually (assuming the relationship has a stable base), make up. Now, if really harsh things were said, or you think there was a clearly irrational component to the argument, that is different. If it was just a “standard” but intense argument, you can try to make up without mentioning it. On the other hand, if you are serious about this man, and see a future with him, he’ll eventually have to love you for both the good and the bad. You don’t need to give an excuse, but you could say “I’m really sorry about our fight last night. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t quite myself, and I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I haven’t been taking my medications. Sometimes when I skip them, my temper gets the better of me, and this might be one of those cases.”

kevbo's avatar

If your thoughts/feelings/assessment of your behavior about the discussion have or has changed in a way that you’re now more sympathetic to his point of view and you think your thoughts/feelings/behavior were unduly influenced by your medication lapse, then I’d tell him that you reacted poorly/didn’t mean everything you said, you’ve been off your meds for a week, and that you’re sorry that contributed to the conflict. After you’ve come clean, ask him for his understanding on this one.

If you feel justified in the way you behaved and the things you said, then I’d leave it at that.

If you’re going to make this relationship a long term thing, obviously your mental health is going to be part of the package whether you discuss it or not. The best thing that both of you can do for the relationship is acknowledge it and work together to manage it as best you can, so that you minimize the negative impact of the illness in your relationship and your life in general.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I’d tell him. If this relatiohship is serious, he should know the whole story, IMO.

cwilbur's avatar

I think before you tell him anything, you should examine your reasons for not picking up your prescriptions for a week. That really sounds like an attempt at sabotage to me, and if you’re sabotaging yourself, you need to figure out why.

SuperMouse's avatar

@cwilbur my checking account was hijacked and I didn’t have easy access to my money until I got the new one up and running with an ATM card.

TaoSan's avatar

I think @shilolo nailed it to the point. Don’t underestimate the power of a good, nice and old fashioned makeup session. If you want to bring in the meds as argument really depends on your comfort level.

Trust me, most of us men have a really soft spot if you come and apologize in an earnest and true-to-yourself way. I’d open the dialogue, and then see in the course of the developing conversation how far you want to take it.

I wish you the best of luck!!!! Things like that are best taken care of ASAP so they’re out of the way.

Supacase's avatar

As long as you preface your thoughts with acknowledging your responsibility, I don’t think it is a bad idea. Something along the lines of, “I take responsibility for my part in our argument and apologize. That is not a typical reaction for me and it may be due in part to the fact that I have not been taking my medication and is unlikely to happen again.”

EmpressPixie's avatar

I agree with Supacase. I’d make up and get past the argument, but would probably add something about how you aren’t trying to excuse your behavior or blame it on the lack of medication, but also realized you haven’t been taking it and are worried that it may have played a part in the argument. As long as you don’t try to excuse your behavior by saying it or blame it on the meds, you should be fine. And it is a small, weird lesson for him that explains why being on the medication is important to and for you.

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m cofused as to why your man does not know this about you already. Is the relationship new? I personally feel that opening up to another person about your whole life is necessary for true intimacy. Plus, if he has a problem with it you can end the relationship without as much heartbreak

essieness's avatar

TELL HIM! Not taking your meds obviously affects your mood and the way you react to situations. If he truly understands your disorder, then he will mull it over and give you a fair shot. It would be different if you weren’t diagnosed and you just made it up as an excuse, but this is different. Talk to him, for sure!!

wundayatta's avatar

He knows you are bipolar, but he doesn’t know you stopped your meds for a little while. So this interaction where you got into a fight—did that feel like a manic kind of argument? Did you not recognize yourself? Did you think, ‘why am I doing this?’

If you think it was a start of mania, then that’s because you couldn’t get your meds for a while. It means your brain was working in an unusual way, and you weren’t making decisions the way you prefer to. You can be responsible for your actions and understand that it is the disease that makes it possible for you to make such bad decisions.

If it isn’t the disease, and you think you blew things out of all proportion, then by all means, apologize. He should understand. Isn’t that part of why you love him? These arguments happen. It’s a test, but you can pass the test. Good luck.

casheroo's avatar

Definitely tell him, he needs to know regardless of the fight.

Thebigbaboo's avatar

Be honest. Why lie about it at all?

SuperMouse's avatar

@tinyfaery he does know that I am bipolar, but didn’t know that I had not taken meds for the past couple of days.

I told him and he actually seemed quite relieved. His reaction made me very happy. I took responsibility for my actions, for what I said and how I said it, and explained about the lapse in meds. I think because he had never seen me like that before he was pretty surprised by my behavior and he was glad to hear it wasn’t something that is par for the course.

Thank you all for some great advice! I LOVE FLUTHER!

justwannaknow's avatar

The truth shall set you FREE!

TaoSan's avatar

@SuperMouse

I’m glad it all worked out!!!

essieness's avatar

I’m glad you guys talked. Happy thoughts to you.

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