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StephK's avatar

Wedding etiquette question: can I bring someone else in place of the guest I listed on my RSVP card?

Asked by StephK (1444points) May 15th, 2009

My friend’s wedding is coming up and I RSVPed to go with my boyfriend about two months ago. Unfortunately, my boyfriend absolutely cannot get off work to attend, so I thought I’d invite another friend to go with me. The friend who’s getting married has met my other friend before, but only briefly. Is it okay if I bring her instead? I’ll go alone if I have to, but I won’t know anyone else attending apart from the bride and the maid of honor.

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24 Answers

richardhenry's avatar

If it was my wedding, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. Perhaps you can call, if you think that would be polite?

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Yes, as long as the guest you want to bring doesn’t have any beef with the bride or groom AND as long as they didn’t only let you bring a guest because you were in a relationship…. many people only allow for people to bring guests if they are in a committed relationship. Generally the RSVP is for an accurate head count, so just talk to the bride and see what she thinks about it.

Midna's avatar

I wouldn’t have a problem personally but I think the most logical thing to do would to simply ask. That way you’ll know for sure if it’s okay.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Unless the friend is a problem person for the groom or the bride which it doesn’t sound like then it’s okay

EmpressPixie's avatar

I agree with the others—talk to the bride. It’s probably not a problem, but the RSVP is all about headcount. So, while bringing someone extra would be an issue, a sub should not.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It would be courteous to ask the bride and groom first rather than just show up with someone else.

RareDenver's avatar

I’m actually getting married next week and if someone wanted to change their date at the last minute it really would not bother me. Unless it was someone I hated that they were now bringing or their original date was someone I specifically invited.

I actually have a friend who has decided last night not to come because her date has backed out. That has pissed me off a bit, she doesn’t want to turn up alone I understand but there will be loads of people there that she knows anyway so I can’t see the problem really. We have had to be very selective on the invite list because of financial reasons and for this no show to be dumped on me last minute is annoying.

Supergirl's avatar

I would just call and double check. The bride will appreciate your forethought.

_bob's avatar

@RareDenver While I sympathize with your situation, I must agree with your friend: going to a wedding alone sucks.

RareDenver's avatar

@bob_ yeah I know what you mean but her original date was her sister anyway! So not really a date just someone to turn up with!

_bob's avatar

@RareDenver Oh. Then, yeah, I’d be pissed, too.

RareDenver's avatar

@bob_ Woop woop just checked my facebook and got the below message from said friend:

Right ive done some more thinking and im coming. Im such a dick!!!!! My friend jon is gonna come with me if thats ok, you met him i think at wilton mews…...mels brother. Is that ok??? Iv booked a hotel so i cant back out now!!!! Sorry to mess ya about im sure you have much better things to think about.xxxxxx

Great! And I do know Jon he’s a nice lad!

_bob's avatar

@RareDenver Whoa, there, can women be “dicks”? Sounds kind of… counterintuitive.

RareDenver's avatar

Anyone can be a “dick” if they try hard enough.

elijah's avatar

dick…. hard enough….. Haha
yep, I’m sooo immature ;)

RareDenver's avatar


I’m sorry to say I lol’d

sakura's avatar

Defo check with the couple, to check if its ok, they may need to alter name cards, seating plans etc…

chyna's avatar

@RareDenver You don’t suppose your friend is on fluther and read this do you? haha.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding.

RareDenver's avatar

@chyna I think the chance is very slim, She is only just about getting used to facebook (but loves it) she used to be a prison officer though! watch out she can kick your ass, when we shared a house she used to regularly come home from the prison and kick th shit out of me :-)

amandaerin1977's avatar

I don’t think that would be a problem! It’s not like they would hve to make more food!!:))) go for it!!

skfinkel's avatar

I don’t think so. Each guest is special to the bride/groom, and it’s not just a regular party. Usually, there have been some people left out so you can attend. That space for your boyfriend was really for you to have him there, not just to bring anyone. And, it might be awkward for them to tell you this. That’s my take on it. Unless it’s a pot-luck kind of wedding in the woods or something.

DarkScribe's avatar

I doubt whether anyone would object if a guest brought another partner (as long as it isn’t the Groom). It would probably be a good idea to touch base with whoever you RSVPd to.

augustlan's avatar

I would definitely call and double check. Name cards for seating will need to be altered most likely.

wilhel1812's avatar

Well, not without telling them first

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