General Question

Loried2008's avatar

My new guy is a pothead and I'm not.. What do I do?

Asked by Loried2008 (1998points) May 20th, 2009

I recently am just getting to know this guy and go on casual dates. He’s 20 and I’m 19. He’s really sweet, but I dunno what all comes with this I mean.. He’s smoked pot all through high school and I don’t know much about it… Should I be concerned?? Is there anything I should be aware of??

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69 Answers

Likeradar's avatar

Is he still smoking regularly? And if so, define how much “regularly” is.

SeventhSense's avatar

Kick him to the curb.

DarkScribe's avatar

Keep looking – you won’t be likely to talk him out of it.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

At the very least you have to go into the relationship fully expecting him to forget something important at some point.

wildpotato's avatar

It is not dangerous to him or to you, if that is what you mean. I’d talk to him about what you are thinking, and see what he says. Most people who smoke are not attached to the habit tooth and nail the way people are with many other drugs – it is likely a casual indulgence that doesn’t dictate his life. But remember that no matter his lifestyle choices, if he doesn’t take your questions seriously or if he brushes off your concerns as naive or unimportant, then he’s probably not worth being with – so don’t be put off by the idea of the direct approach.

Loried2008's avatar

He told me (now I don’t know cause it’s not serious) it’s every once in awhile.

asmonet's avatar

Do your research. Those two pages are full of EVERYTHING you need to know.

If you still fee uncomfortable with it, chances are that will not change and you should distance yourself from this person before your emotions and relationship make it more difficult for you. You will not suffer his behavior gladly, you will not enjoy being around him when he smokes and you will not be happy in the long run.

As all people are individuals, it’s hard to say exactly how cannabis will affect him and consequently you. Some users are high powered, high achieving professionals, some are lazy useless people who let it dominate their interests. You won’t know necessarily which he is, or if he’s somewhere in the middle until you get to know him better.

Educate yourself. Process the information. Weigh your options and the emotional risk involved.

Proceed from there.

Aethelwine's avatar

If he is a nice and respectful person, stay with the guy. Does he make you happy? That’s all that matters.

basp's avatar

Everybody has different things they will or will not tolerate in a relationship. You need to decide if his smoking habits are something you want to tolerate during the duration if the relationship.

essieness's avatar

As long as he’s taking care of his adult responsibilities (working, school, not blowing all his money on pot), then I wouldn’t worry too much about it. That is, unless you have a particular aversion to pot smokers. But, I would assume you don’t since you’re dating him in the first place. There are many people who smoke pot responsibly, but I might worry a little since he’s only 20. I would just say go with the flow if you really like him, but if you notice that his smoking habits are affecting his ability to be a responsible human being, then move on.

Loried2008's avatar

I asked him about it already and he seemed open about it I mean he didn’t try and hide it or anything. I didn’t know really anything about it besides the fact it’s not really harmful. From what I know I never considered it a drug. I’m pretty laid back about it I’m just wondering how addicting it can be? 4 years using it?

Loried2008's avatar

He keeps a job, he was a marine.

asmonet's avatar

Seriously, read every word of the links I gave you.
I am a defender of cannabis, and a user myself.

I have smoked on and off occasionally for four years.
My definition of occasionally is on average a few times a month.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

If he’s been smoking it for 4 years and it’s still only occasionally, you don’t have anything to worry about, in my opinion.

SeventhSense's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic
Dude where’s the baby? I left him out by the pool…

Loried2008's avatar

Then his smoking is probably a little over “occasionally” more like frequent. l

asmonet's avatar

I’m willing to bet, since you JUST met him that he is more than occasional. Most people have a tendency to downplay their behaviors and activities of all types if they can be seen as unsavory until they get to know the other party well enough to let their guard down.

Considering the fact that you have only been on a few casual dates, I really think you should take his admission with a grain of salt and err on the side of caution. Take it slow.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I agree with Miss Monet.

Then, just ask yourself what is acceptable in a partner for you. If it rules his life, you definitely wouldn’t want to, and don’t have to, deal with it. Just talk to him, watch his habits and you’ll know shortly. Good luck.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@SeventhSense Well when you’re a parent, it’s probably not wise to smoke a lot of weed.

Likeradar's avatar

From what you describe, it’s probably ok. IMHO, the problem comes when a guy can’t not be high, or would rather sit around being a stoned sack than go enjoy life with you.

Like others have suggested, take it slow. Weed isn’t a problem (to me). Overuse and obsession is. You just have to decide for yourself how much weed is too much in your life.

Loried2008's avatar

I’m gonna take it slow :) thanks for the links It’s proven to be VERY helpful. Just wanna know what I’m getting into lol I am not usually the type to be cautious so wish me luck :)

Loried2008's avatar

Thanks guys!

asmonet's avatar

@Loried2008: Anytime, and this situation here is a most appropriate time for you to start being cautious.

rubes's avatar

I’ll leave the truth about cannabis to the rest of you, but I do know this – it’s SO BORING being with someone who smokes often.

Blondesjon's avatar

Fucking leave him or start smoking pot. It won’t “work” any other way.

shame on you people for making it difficult

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Blondesjon It can work. I know couples who are together, despite the fact that only one person smokes.

Loried2008's avatar

Well I mean I’m not saying I have a problem with it. I’m just concerned about how it would be relating to him.

Darwin's avatar

The only other thing to consider is to be certain he never leaves any in your car or your place. That’s all you’d need if you got pulled over for speeding or a broken tail light.

Blondesjon's avatar

@DrasticDreamer…There are always exceptions to the rule.

They are few and far between.

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Likeradar's avatar

@BRANDONHAHA Welcome to fluther. You may quickly learn, we are not racist assholes around here.

arnbev959's avatar

The vast majority of so called “potheads” are occasional to moderately frequent users, but not losers. So long as your guy isn’t stoned 24/7, and is a responsible person, (and basically meets the general criteria for acceptable boyfriend material) I don’t think the pot habit will be a problem.

Don’t feed the troll guys.

asmonet's avatar

Ignore BRANDONHAHA, it’s what we’re doing here.

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Loried2008's avatar

I guess all I can do is just watch and wait lol I just wanted to know when too much is too much and when to stop the relationship if it gets out of hand..

essieness's avatar

@Loried2008 Yep, that’s all you can do hunnie. Sorry your question got spammed…

asmonet's avatar

@Loried2008: That is something only you can decide for yourself. Good luck either way. :)

ru2bz46's avatar

Get a newer guy.

Bobbilynn's avatar

All potheads need love!

dynamicduo's avatar

@asmonet said everything I was thinking.

If you feel like you want to give it a try, go ahead. It’s not going to hurt you. Some people can be successful tokers, some can not. You are unlikely to change him.

Too much is too much when it becomes a problem in your relationship, if he regularly chooses it over you, if it causes unwanted behaviour around you, if it is troublesome and negatively affecting your relationship. This is the same for many many things, whether it’s porn, alcohol, being nice, hanging with friends, volunteering too much… etc.

You sound like a wise person. Watch and wait sounds like a great plan. But don’t let it stop you from having a relationship, I mean that is why you’re with him, right?

Loried2008's avatar

yeah I’m a go getter ;) Like I said he’s awesome from what I know of him. But I don’t know much lol

Ashalah's avatar

If you don’t like him smoking around you. Just kindly ask him to not do it around you. More than likely he will respect that. If he doesn’t, either kick him to the curb. Or join in :)

SeventhSense's avatar

The world would not be a better place if people were all stoned. Depth perception and spacial reasoning is extremely impaired as a result of its use. Factory workers would fall into machines. Pilots would casually crash planes into buildings. Nothing would get done and the apathy in society would increase exponentially until people wouldn’t even get up to wipe their own asses.
California is making a huge mistake and abandoning their future in a competitive world by legalization. Their only reason for doing so is a failure of budget and border concerns.

Likeradar's avatar

@SeventhSense Legalization doesn not mean all people would be stoned. Alcohol is legal, but still is regulated and had guidelines and laws for appropriate usage. I can only assume marijuana usage would have similar guidelines and laws.

asmonet's avatar

@Likeradar: If not more to calm the inevitable baseless hysteria.

@SeventhSense: You have never smoked cannabis in your life have you? Weed does not cause anything on that scale. We do not lose our basic instincts and casually commit suicide after a few puffs, it is also not an exponential effect in any way. Nor does it leave you permanently impaired – something that alcohol abuse can do to you.

And really dude, we already fall into machines and die horrible deaths. Sober and everything.

Loried2008's avatar

Found out he only smokes it casually BUT he’s popped pills. He says he stopped… but should I believe him? What signs should I look for in a messed up person like too far gone Oo

SeventhSense's avatar

@asmonet
You have never smoked cannabis in your life have you?
Do you follow any of my threads or questions? I smoked more weed than the staff at Cheech and Chong and Half Baked combined in my youth. And I know first hand the effect it has on your ability to drive or due anything else that requires coordination. I mean it’s such bullshit this argument that it has no effect.

Your pilot just sparked up. You want him flying? The bus driver is doing bong hits? You want him driving your kids? Of course not. The whole argument is asinine and driven by people who want to get stoned and that’s it. There’s a reason that half baked sterotypes hold. Because they’re TRUE.
We have a country that is driven to medicate and that is the tragedy. Drink or drug it’s all just postponing our real issues. Life on life’s terms has become too much for people and that’s because we’re a country that’s coddled and self absorbed.

Likeradar's avatar

@SeventhSense Would you want a pilot or bus driver who just took a few shots? Or who took some Tylenol PMs? Of course not… which is why there are rules and regulations around the use of substances that alter your mind frame. Driving/flying/operating machinery high would be stupid. I’m not sure why you seem think marijuana would be different?

dynamicduo's avatar

@SeventhSense Why do you make the ridiculous assumption that people would be stoned while working? Are people drunk as fuck now? Of course not. Your argument is not based in reality one bit. And I disagree completely with your claims of effects, based on very personal experience.

Back to the actual question at hand, @Loried2008, you should believe him if he sounds honest. I would say believe him for now until you have cause to suspect he is lying to you (if you see suspicious pills, if he comes home really fucked up). You don’t need a checklist of signs, you just need to trust your intuition and be honest with each other. I’ve found that honesty is one of the crucial pillars in a relationship, along with trust and respect.

SeventhSense's avatar

@Likeradar
@batgirl
what is that a zebra on a bicycle? cute
No drinking and driving is certainly as damaging but the nature of the use of pot is different and the way it’s smoked during activities such as driving and on a smoke break.

dynamicduo's avatar

@SeventhSense The name is dynamicduo, not batgirl. Treat it with respect.

Companies are free to make rules saying no pot smoking at anytime, and punishing when appropriate. You are imagining a crisis that does not exist.

asmonet's avatar

No, I don’t follow your comments very closely. I’ve found when I have we rarely have anything in common. And as now, I cannot bring myself to understand your logic.

And to make it clear:

The reasons those stereotypes exist are a result of 80 YEARS of government propaganda.

I would say more, but my lovely @dynamicduo summed it up perfectly, “You are imagining a crisis that does not exist.”

Likeradar's avatar

@SeventhSense It’s a donkey. :) And @dynamicduo and @asmonet said it nicely.

Loried2008's avatar

I’ll keep my eyes open and let you guys know how it goes :) thanks for all the great advice

Likeradar's avatar

And @SeventhSense If you’re afraid of your pilot sparking up on a smoke break, why aren’t you afraid of your pilot drinking at lunch? Is it so hard to understand the idea of responsible usage, or do you really think that if marijuana were legalized it would not be regulated and people would be high all the time? Your logic isn’t working for me.

Loried2008's avatar

There will always be people that screw stuff up for the rest of us lol

SeventhSense's avatar

@asmonet
You have never smoked cannabis in your life have you?

Well I hate to make an object lesson from you but perhaps you’re suffering from short term memory loss. The #2 answer on this thread. Maybe selective memory?
Maybe it’s time to put down the pipe.

SeventhSense's avatar

@Likeradar
Of course I wouldn’t want them drinking and this is not allowed prior to a certain period prior to flying. Trace amounts of THC are not allowed period. Why do you think this is? Is the airline industry just a big drag and the man trying to keep us down?
Yes maybe keep us from crashing down.

And the illustration was to point out pot’s harmful effects on perception. It is classified as an hallucinogen. Logic is hardly relevant here. The desire to self medicate isn’t logical either. So why such an insane fight for a substance? Why such a vicious defense of a flower?
And I resist this agenda to pander to special interest groups whereby sane judgement is compromised. The same interest groups who only deplete society’s values and replace it with a pale emaciated corpse of self indulgence.

Likeradar's avatar

@SeventhSense I totally agree with the regulations that don’t allow pilots to have THC in their systems. They hold lives in their hands, and I want them 1000% there. I just don’t see how this is an argument against legalization. Pilots shouldn’t be high. Therefore, I can’t legally be when I’m just hanging out?

SeventhSense's avatar

@Likeradar
It should be difficult to get. The easier it is for children to get it the worse addiction will be epidemic.
From the Netherlands:

A Dutch double-blind, randomized, placebo-controlled, cross-over study examining male volunteers aged 18–45 years with a self-reported history of regular cannabis use concluded that smoking of cannabis with high THC levels (marijuana with 9–23% THC), as currently sold in coffee shops in the Netherlands, may lead to higher THC blood-serum concentrations. This is reflected by an increase of the occurrence of impaired psychomotor skills, particularly among younger or inexperienced cannabis smokers, who do not adapt their smoking-style to the higher THC content.[89] High THC concentrations in cannabis was associated with a dose-related *increase of physical effects (such as increase of heart rate, and decrease of blood pressure) and psychomotor effects (such as reacting more slowly, being less concentrated, making more mistakes during performance testing, having less motor control, and experiencing drowsiness). It was also observed during the study that the effects from a single joint at times lasted for more than eight hours. Reaction times remained impaired five hours after smoking, when the THC serum concentrations were significantly reduced, but still present. The researchers suggested that THC may accumulate in blood-serum when cannabis is smoked several times per day.

As a smoker in my youth I can attest to this. I was denied entry into the Marines after having not smoked for over 10 days when THC was detected in my system.

asmonet's avatar

@SeventhSense: I’m done with this, I have smoked cannabis, for recreation and as medicine. I got over it for recreational purposes a long time ago, and very rarely indulge with friends. I now smoke less than almost everyone I know drinks. I use cannabis currently to treat migraines that are unresponsive to painkillers and have me laid up for half a week in a dark silent room.

In moderation it is absolutely fine. And I cannot believe nothing that’s been said here has swayed your opinion in the slightest and you haven’t shown an inkling of open mindedness.

Your personal experience is yours, and while it can affect your choices and yes, I admit your opinions as well – you should not treat your experience as indicative of everyone else’s. You’re entitled to your opinion, and I find it hard to say it, but your opinion is wrong and skewed by your own experience not data.

And I still have no idea how my answer on that thread in any way relates to this discussion. As far as I’m concerned that comment is completely in line with my opinions here.

SeventhSense's avatar

@asmonet
Your answer on that thread relates to this discussion in pointing out your lack of attention to detail in making statements like these You have never smoked cannabis in your life have you?.
You obviously answered the question but failed to read the question in its entirety. Had you done so you would have clearly seen that I have more than once smoked pot, dropped acid, mushrooms and done many drugs.

The problem with pigeonholing, is that it does us all a great disservice as human beings.

asmonet's avatar

I very rarely care to read who the original poster is unless something in the discussion prompts me to do so. I find it to be irrelevant to most discussions and sometimes it can be a hindrance. You posted that link after I had asked the question. I still see no point in bringing it up. It’s only relevant if you’re under the assumption I memorize every thread I contribute to and who it involved. Which I don’t.

I read the question in it’s entirety.

Loried2008's avatar

mk… well the guy ended up telling me he was gonna call and three nights in a row he forgot. Then he ended up “forgetting” two dates so I finally had enough and went a hung out with an old friend after I got stood up twice. We went to some local garage band shows and out to eat. Best date I’ve ever been on. So the pothead I suppose is out lol. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Darwin's avatar

Do you think he forgot because he was stoned?

asmonet's avatar

I think he forgot because he’s a dumbass.

Loried2008's avatar

I think he forgot cause he wasn’t worth it lol

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