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earthquake's avatar

I need advice on how to help my gf with emotional stress from abortion.

Asked by earthquake (7points) May 20th, 2009

Hey….im 20 yrs old, and have fallen in love with the msot amazing girl ever. never felt this way before and shes perfect for me. she’s recently told me that shes pregnant with her last bf’s baby. she expected me to run or something..but the first thing that crossed my mind was how do i help her. i have been tlaking to her constantly on the phone (she’s back in australia and im in uae so its a bit hush hush over here..shes half way through the abortion now, (2 day procedure) and i lvoe her more for telling me and she loves me more for staying. it was her choice to do this,. i would have stayed either way…but..she doenst want it, and her last bf was a total dick( pardon the language)..any advice on how i can help her..calm her..let her now that im here for her.?? i have no idea and im kinda lost and scared…even though she doenst know that.

thanks guys..

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12 Answers

peyton_farquhar's avatar

Sounds like you’re doing all that you can do. Just keep holding her hand through the process. Find out when she will be done with the second half of the procedure and call her once you figure she’s out of the clinic. Continue to be there for her unconditionally. There’s only so much else you can realistically do when you’re separated by an ocean.

susanc's avatar

what peyton farquhar said. which is what you’re already doing. you might add to it telling her (in a bit) how huge this is for you, too.

augustlan's avatar

You’re doing a terrific thing, here. Just let her talk and cry, if she needs to. If she needs more help than you can give her from a distance, suggest she talk to a counselor. Make plans to see each other soon, if you can.

earthquake's avatar

thanks a lot guys. yeah ive made sure shes got her mum with here there and her best friend in oz. shell be back out here in a while and im so lookin forward to holding her again. yah it is bloody hard tryin to be there for her over a phone. but ill do it as long as she needs it.u must here this a lot but shes the most amazing thing, and makes me so happy, do anything for her. thanks so much for all the answers

augustlan's avatar

I’m glad she’s got a support network there for her. Sometimes, a physical hug is needed!

BTW, welcome to Fluther.

LC_Beta's avatar

My advice would be to listen and offer your support unconditionally – make sure she doesn’t feel judged. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things, here :) There are a lot of “what if” questions when it comes to abortion, and I’ve really never met anyone who wasn’t in some way affected by their decision (not necessarily in a bad way…just that it’s something you can’t help but think about for a long time). Just stay positive and let her know her decision was the right choice for her. The infamous seed-of-doubt can be tormenting in this kind of situation, so I would advise you not to discuss the “what if” questions unless she brings them up.

earthquake's avatar

yeah. she knows im ther no matter what and i lvoe her and im not leaving. i never talk about anything unless she wans to, and i only keep remnding her that it will be over soon , and its the right thing shes doing, and no one will know and well not tlak about it again unless she wants to. ha, so by the sounds of it theres not much more i can do to help her until shes here but keep doping what im doing. thanks :) more not telling her nor am i going to…but im freaking out and shit nad feeling liek shit, and guilt and worry liek crazy, even though its not even mine and i only found out a week ago…not thinking of runnign or not helping or backing don. jsut worried for her, and feeling liek shit for ending somehtings life. wihtout letting her know or making her worry bout me, (cus nothing is more important to me righ tnow than ehr having as much attention as she needs and love) what can I do to help ME cope with this stress? hope i dont sound selfish or whingy there. just…feelin real down and dont want her to notice and get more upset. thanks for everything guys

augustlan's avatar

@earthquake Sounds like you could use someone to talk to, too. Are you able to confide in a family member or close friend? Someone who can lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on, and support without judgment? If not, just vent on here and we’ll do our very best.

Bobbilynn's avatar

From that far apart, it must be hard for both of you! Just let her know you will support her.

spresto's avatar

This isn’t an online relationship is it?

oratio's avatar

Abortion is really awful to go through for some. You need to be a good listener and just be there. Her feelings are important as well as reassurance. Love and kisses go a long way. That’s my experience.

Loried2008's avatar

It’s gonna be alright. you are doing a wonderful job being there for her. Continue to support her, it may get hard in the months to come for her. Just be her shoulder in a time of pain.

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