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mizkendall3939's avatar

What do I do about this guy that I really like?

Asked by mizkendall3939 (151points) May 23rd, 2009

Okay so there’s this guy that I am in LOVE with and I told him a while back and he said he liked me too. So one day after we hung out he sent me a message said he wanted to go out with me and I said I had to think about it. But THEN I found out that the next day he asked my best friend out and I was (and still am) so depressed!!! He was like would you hate me if i went on a date with your friend? and i was like , yeah kinda, why did You ask her out? I thought you wanted to go out with me? He got mad and said I can ask anyone I want out and maybe I was wrong about you, you’re way to high maintenance, and i cant see myself with you but i still wanna be friends.. and so we haven’t talked in a really long time.

Then a few days ago he texts me and hes like hey, i just wanted to say I’m sorry, and there’s nothing going on between me and your friend. how are u feeling about the situation? and i said, i am still kinda sad about the whole thing and he didn’t reply. Then TODAY he texts me and says “i wanna talk to u about us, i still like u and we can be together, just not now, i don’t wanna have a girl friend over the summer and I’m really sorry i messed with your friend” and I was like “well I need to know i can trust you before I go out with you” and hes like, its not that i don’t like u, there’s just something about you, your cute and sweet and nice but i don’t know there’s just something about you” so that got me even more confused.

WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!!!!!!! i still really really like him and i can’t get over him, and should i consider going out with him after summer? i just can’t bear to let him go. please help! thanks

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18 Answers

asmonet's avatar

Drop him.
You’re not in love. Neither is he.

He’s playing you both, keeping his options open.

You were his backup cause your friend said no, run the fuck away.

bet_'s avatar

agreed with @asmonet

it may be difficult to let him go but if hes going to screw you about while he figures out what/who he wants then better to walk away (far easier said than done, i know…)...

jrpowell's avatar

If hooking up is this hard can you imaging the actual relationship. This is the easy part. You want a nightmare.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You never want a guy that picks you second, and lets you know it.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

You’re not in love with him. Get over that idea now.

You love the idea of being with the person you think he is, not the person he actually is.

JTube's avatar

I don’t think people that like to play around and, indeed, keep their options open, are worth it to be dated. Find someone you can trust and doesn’t have this annoying habit :)

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I should add, don’t worry about being able to bear letting him go. You don’t have anything with this guy to begin with. There’s nothing to let go of…

aprilsimnel's avatar

Agreed with @asmonet and @The_Compassionate_Heretic. Imagine your best pal is in the same predicament and is asking you what she should do.

I’ll give you a second…

See? Jerky behaviour, innit? You don’t need that. Pfft. Forget him.

Dog's avatar

Quote from asmonet:

Drop him.
You’re not in love. Neither is he.

He’s playing you both, keeping his options open.

You were his backup cause your friend said no, run the fuck away.

@asmonet is giving you very wise advice. You deserve better.

veronasgirl's avatar

I agree with @asmonet.

And from my own personal experience, do yourself a favor and don’t get involved with him. You will save yourself a lot of regrets later on. I know he seems like he is the guy for you, or that maybe you could be the one to save him or tame him, but trust me, he is a player, and when he leaves you for the next hot blonde that comes around, you won’t know what hit you.

chyna's avatar

JohnPowell got it from a guys perspective and he is correct, if hooking up is hard, the relationship will be horrible.

basp's avatar

I agree with what is said here. Everyone is giving you good advice.

Garebo's avatar

He just trying to seduce you; if you are attracted to him-go for it. I would be suspect in anything beyond a possible great sexual relationship, however.

asmonet's avatar

@Garebo: That’s entirely unhelpful, her emotions are involved. Not just her sex drive. You’re advising her to sign on for heartbreak.

Garebo's avatar

@asmonet: Sorry, I don’t believe his sincerity from the way she describes it.
To me, the guy has one thing on his mind, and her emotional state is a short term hurdle he can jump over to get to the finishing line and win the trophy. Hopefully, it is the trophy he really wants to enjoy for the rest of his life, but if he is use to winning a lot of trophies which it sounds like he does; then, you could become just another dusty trophy for him.

mizkendall3939's avatar

wait wait wait. I’m only in 9th grade! i met him at my CHURCH. I’m a virgin and plan to stay like that till i’m married.

Garebo's avatar

Thanks, for the info, still you 9th graders are like on steroids compare to when I was in 9th grade, which happened to be the best times in female companionship I ever had until I got married.
My point was, be careful, so you don’t get taken advantage of, or hurt-hard. You will have plenty more opportunities for that.
Thanks, I will shut up-you seriously humbled me.

wundayatta's avatar

It seems to me that there’s a lot of overreaction going on here. Being so young, this relationship is likely to be mainly a close friendship more than anything else. Maybe a little fooling around, but the relationship is unlikely to last. It’s what kids do.

You know, young men are pretty impatient. When you said, “I’ll think about it,” he probably thought you were saying “fuck off” in a polite way. So he asked your friend. The drama starts. He has no idea that you “love” him. You’re acting like you couldn’t care less about him. So he’s acting appropriately, even though he still likes you. It was brave of him to try again.

One thing you should know is that you will be able to get over him. When you’re young, and these feelings are new, they seem like the hugest thing in the world. Your first love—you imagine it will last forever. Your first breakup is the worst thing you’ve ever felt, and you don’t see how you will survive. Eventually, as you get more experience, you’ll learn that you can survive the ups and downs of your emotions. It’s not that you will take them less seriously, but you will have more context to place them in.

Us older folks have that context, and we can say “take it easy.” But we’re not in your place. All I can tell you is that your feelings are ramped up unbelievably, and they are probably causing you to over react. Let things happen. You can go out with him without being in love. You can have a good time, or not, and it’s not the end of the world. You can go out with him without fully trusting him. You can be friends. There are many possibilities.

This is not a life-defining decision. He could be the one you spend your life with, although that is unlikely. However, you can have fun and protect yourself at the same time, if you take it slowly and carefully. If he wants sex, you have a choice. You don’t have to do what he wants. You can explore your feelings, and see what happens. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Just see what happens, and don’t make it seem like these things are huge, life-changing decisions. You have time to find out what you are feeling, and if he feels similarly, or not.

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