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Nefily's avatar

Do you believe you can find your "true love" at the age of 18?

Asked by Nefily (633points) May 24th, 2009 from iPhone

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He is my first boyfriend and I am his first girlfriend. I really believe are relationship is different then all those couples that “recycle” each other in high school. I am 18 now and we always talk about marriage and our veiws on family are the same. Are we to young to think this way? Should we date other people since this is both are first relationship? Or is the relationship we have meant to be?

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37 Answers

PandoraBoxx's avatar

It’s rare to find true love at 15, but not impossible. However, the person you are in high school is not the adult that you will be, and there are lots of experiences that will come your way. You just haven’t had them yet.

High school, thankfully, is not the real world, nor is it as good as life gets.

asmonet's avatar

Yes. But it is incredibly rare.
And you’re going to face a lot of people who dismiss your relationship as you describe it as puppy love.

None of us know either one of you well enough to judge your next move in this relationship. All I can tell you is if it feels right, stay. If it doesn’t then leave. It holds true for all relationships. Young and old.

cak's avatar

Sure, it can happen. It’s not the norm, but it happens. For me, I thought I found the perfect person in high school, in fact, he proposed, then cheated…several times. That’s just my experience. One of my friends has been married since she was 19, to the same man. We’re both 38 now, they are very happily married.

No one can tell you what to do, only you can answer those questions. If you feel that you need to date others, you may not be ready for “the one.”

oratio's avatar

Don’t question love. Do you love him? Fine. Carry on. Love is love. What happens later will happen.

wundayatta's avatar

True love is a real feeling. However, it isn’t what makes a marriage or a long-lasting relationship. The feelings you feel for each other are hard to maintain after a few years. The idea that true love can lead to a lasting relationship is, to some degree, a myth. True love doesn’t really prepare you fro what is to come.

The reason why so many relationships that start at a young age break apart is that when you’re young, you aren’t equipped with the skills necessary to manage a relationship. Some are lucky, and make it through. Others—many others—get divorced after a year or five.

If you are committed to working out problems, and to managing your changing personalities as you grow, and you get help whenever you are in trouble, you can make it. Relationships are not about magic, though. They are about very practical things, and it is a rare teenage couple where both parties have the interpersonal skills necessary to make it for the long haul.

YARNLADY's avatar

To my way of thinking, the person you are in love with now is your true love. Is he your forever love? There is absolutely no way to know that. Go with your feelings. My best wishes and thoughts are with you for a happy choice.

Darwin's avatar

I have known a few people who were able to do that. One couple in particular dated in high school and as soon as they were old enough to marry without parental consent they did, with the full “elope down the ladder” bit. He went out and got a job as a mechanic and they set up housekeeping. They were married for 65 years and had eight children. Unfortunately, he developed a bad heart and passed away. She remarried a few years later because she missed him so much.

However, I have known a huge number who thought their first love was their one true love but soon discovered that was not the case. In fact, I would say that is the norm in the US these days. One reason for it I suspect is that childhood and adolescence is prolonged by our culture so many fewer folks mature early. Instead, maturity in terms of “the one” seems mostly to happen after college. And even then many people marry and divorce multiple times.

And then there is my friend who found her true love finally at the age of 80. They eloped on her birthday and married in New Orleans. He was a widower when she met him, and she had never married after her fiance was killed in WW II. The two have been married for 15 years now, and are both still pretty spry despite knee replacements, arthritis and the usual complaints.

I say go with your feelings, learn how to communicate well, and remember that long-term relationships take a lot of tending to continue to bloom.

IBERnineD's avatar

I believe it isn’t impossible. My sister started dating her now husband in 8th grade. There was nothing wrong with there relationship when her senior year she explained to her boyfriend that she needed a chance to meet and date other people. So they took a year off and she went on dates with almost every guy at her high school. They got back together at the end of the year and continued dating. So it worked out for them, but then again they didn’t get married till they were both 26.
Although they met when they were 15 and thought it was true love, they also gave themselves time to grow up, which I think is important to be able to do when deciding if someone is truly “the one.”

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Love is love and if two people can make all the rest of what’s on their plates work with the love then, yes. Age isn’t going to be the biggest obstacle. So many couples in my families were coupled and then married long before 18yrs old and it’s only in the past few generations that’s been consciously thwarted.

ru2bz46's avatar

It is technically possible, but very unlikely. Without the experience to help, you may just be infatuated with your first love. I do know a couple of couples that married just out of high school, and it been 25 years. I know many more that are divorced, etc.

rooeytoo's avatar

I think you can find your true love at 18, the big question is, will the same person be your true love at 38 and 58?????

Linda_Owl's avatar

It is possible, & if you work at the relationship, it can be sustained for the rest of your life. But you must always remember that you cannot always put yourself first in a relationship, you must always consider how what you do (or what you want to do) will affect your S/O. It is ok to have interests that not both of you share, but you must take the time to consider the things that interest your S/O & each of you must make time to participate in shared interests. Love is precious & whenever you find it, you should take care of it.

Jeruba's avatar

I certainly believe that some people have. Realistically, it’s not very likely, but it could happen.

What is very likely, though, is that if you do stop with the one you’ve found at 18, you won’t find all the others.

whatthefluther's avatar

It is very possible. Two of my best friends started dating exclusively at 16 years of age and early on it became very apparent to not only them but also everyone else, that their relationship was the real deal. They had both dated others before they became a couple. They have been married for about 35 years now and they have remained my best friends for nearly 40 years, I love them both. At 15, I thought I had perhaps found my “true love” but she was mowed down by an elderly driver who hit the wrong pedal while parking her car. Fortunately, I found my confirmed true love five years ago. We will be married later this week. Good luck to you. See ya…wtf

cookieman's avatar

Sure, but as has been said it is uncommon.

I found mine when I was sixteen, she was seventeen.

But, we agreed to not get married until we each finished college and could support ourselves. We married when I was twentyfive and she was twentysix.

dannyc's avatar

Hell, I did not find mine till 55..all the loves in between were an experience.

DrBill's avatar

We meet at 15, married at 18, made it 33 years (when she died), I still love her.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

Whatever you do, do not break it off. If you do, it will never be the same, and you might well be plagued with regret for a long time. I met my current girlfriend when I was 17, and now eight months later I’m still crazy about her. It is still early for me, but you must play till the end, because you never know where it will lead until you get there. Love strikes anywhere, any way it likes.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Like others have said, it’s rare but definitely possible. If you feel right about it and he feels right about it, keep at it. It’s if one or both of you start to question things that it may be time to move on.

That time may or may not come, but enjoy this and don’t let other people tell you how to feel or what it is that you feel. :)

alive's avatar

i guess you’ll see. only the two of you can decide what is right for your relationship.

(i will say that personally i am skeptical, and i believe dating more than just one person can help you learn about yourself and it helps you grow as a person, even if you end up with the first person you dated, you will know yourself better and that can really strengthen a relationship.)

alive's avatar

i also just realized that you posted the college question where you mention that you “live in a small town”... you might want to consider the huge amount of possibility out there.

Judi's avatar

Up until the last 50 years, to be single at 18 would make you a spinster. I know it’s not a popular notion in this modern age, but growing up and old together can have a lot of positives if you are both in sync on the direction your lives will head.
I will tell you that the ages from 18 to 25 is when most people change more than any time since 1–5. Unless you have a firm set of like core values, surviving these changes can be treacherous. Back in the olden days, society dictated the core values of a family. With today’s diversity, it is hard to know if you will feel the same way in 5 or 6 years as you do right now.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@Judi Ah ha ha ha… Yes.. Exactly… Oh gosh so true….

But yeah, here’s me in kind of the same boat as you are. As was already said here, don’t think about whether you’ll find true love or not. Just enjoy it. If you want to make it last, then make it last. But as to whether it’s “true love”... Well… Only time will tell…

And yes, it’s hard. I’m struggling to listen to my own advice too.

ubersiren's avatar

Two of my best friends who are married now, met and started dating in high school. She was 15 and he was 16. They didn’t rush into anything though. They just got married a year ago. They lived together, finished college, and grew up a little more before deciding to make a big commitment. Not that you should follow someone else’s example, but keep in mind that thinking things through and preparing for adulthood will serve you best. Weigh the pros and cons of all your actions and imagine the best and worst case scenario.

chelseababyy's avatar

I thought I met my true love at 15. He was a year older than me. He was so incredible to me, when we first got together. We were inseparable, it was absolute infatuation. Through high school things started changing, and so did we. It was strange though, it’s not that he was completely different, but he definitely had changed. A few things had happened, and we broke up, but he came running back to me, and of course I went back to him. Well, when I was 17 he was speeding and was trying to elude the police, of course he didnt get away. He spent that afternoon in jail, and I had no idea where he was. I called our mutual friend, and asked and he had told me what had happened. So anyway, I call the boyfriends phone and leave a message, don’t hear from him for a day, and finally when I get an answer on his phone, it’s a girl. To shorten up the story, I took him back, after he admitted to cheating, I moved down to Florida and he came, the whole time he was getting midnight calls and I realized I was just a fool for letting him back in my life. He broke up with me on our 4 year anniversary, by letting me know, that I was no longer what/who he wanted, and that it was time for him to go out and try something new.
Then while I least expected it, I met a guy, flew to Cali to see him, and we’ve been together over a year, no cheating, no lies, just love. Love that I had NEVER felt before.

I just what I’m trying to say is, when you’re with someone from a young age for that long, it’s difficult because they might want to go out and try something new, which is obviously going to be hard. But you never know, they might not be able to, they might go out there and realize it’s you they want. You should really do what’s best for you. You guys could take a break, play the field and see if you were really meant to be. Or you can stick it out, cross your fingers, and hope everything pans out. Just be careful.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

if you have to ask, it’s not
but it is possible
follow your heart
but understand that you’ll still have a lot of growing up to do

FreeSpirit2219's avatar

All forms of “love” is so wonderful…yes!

Strong's avatar

I was 16 and she was 15. We went to each others High School graduations. Broke it off only because of a long distance relationship. 10 years later we found each other (6 years ago) again and got married (4 years ago) and now have a 3 year old daughter. We are happy and in love.

It’s very, very possible. I feel that sometimes you are too young for it and have to live your life before it get’s serious. Other times you can just move forward. Do what makes you and others happy and I’m sure it will all work out.

shortysith's avatar

It’s possible. I had a boyfriend for three years in high school, and we stayed together for a while when we both went to college. I loved him very much, and we had similar views on family, religion, you name it. He broke it off when he realized we were too young to be so committed, and I am glad he did now when I look back on it. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel, there are many people who have made it work. However, don’t let it miss out on other parts of your life.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I found my “true love” at age 18 and we have been together 8 years now and are still going strong. So, yes, I believe it is possible. But I also believe that you can get married anytime and that giving yourself a year (at least) to live together as adults would be in your favor. Living as an adult is much different than living as a teen.

DarkScribe's avatar

Sure. You have to dig deeply though, it often comes packaged in a heavy layer of pure lust.

gymnastchick729's avatar

Of course I believe so. However, if there is any doubt in your mind, or reason for questioning… well….

BBQsomeCows's avatar

If you can resist sex until marriage it is probably true love

otherwise not

wundayatta's avatar

@BBQsomeCows Do you have some problem with sex? You keep on showing up at various questions making enigmatic comments that seem to be anti-sex. What’s going on here?

Likeradar's avatar

@BBQsomeCows Golly gee, my boyfriend and I bang with regularity. I guess in your mind that’s bad sign… Why do you think that?

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

@BBQsomeCows Your avatar seems to be suggesting that masturbation is a better option. Is this your idea? Why is that?

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